My names Andrew I have a son, hes 19 years old. Im 36, yes I was young when he was born. Hes been dating this girl, Ashley for six months now. Shes 17 but will be 18 in a few months. They like each other alot but im sure theyre not in love. Recently Ive been having feeling for Ashley that I shouldnt be having. I have urges to just grab her and kiss her. But I dont just like her on a physical level, shes a really sweet girl. A while ago I was sick and she was there to help me. And by the way Im not married or seeing anyone else. Im not sure what to do, should I act on the feelings later after she turns 18 or should I just keep quiet about it ? I would never "make a move on her" while theyre together. But I really dont think theyll be together for much longer and I dont know if I should ask her out or something when they do break up...
HELP me please, your advice is greatly needed and appreciated
Thank you, Andrew
2007-01-06 15:35:50 · 55 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
well, i think it's better for you to keep quiet first and see what happen between her and your son.She's only 17 too. you don't want trouble.
and if ever they break-up you need to consider what your
son would think about you dating his ex.what's more important for you? your son or what you feel for this very young girl which probably is still immature
2007-01-06 15:40:32 · answer #1 · answered by JMA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Andrew.
Honestly, you may scare her off.
Think of it this way: if when you were her age, the mother of an ex of yours asked you out or made a move, would you be a little freaked out?
Not to mention the age difference... I'm 18, and the oldest I will date is a 22 year old because I know beyond that I won't have a whole lot in common with him.
You need to think about your son, this is something that has the potential to completely change the way he sees you.
I'm sorry to have to say it, but it's more than likely not to go as you would wish it. You're better off dating a woman your own age.
Say, by the offchance this were to go well; you need to ask yourself:
What do you really have in common with this girl?
What will you two talk about?
How awkward is this going to make a relationship with her and with your son?
Will you ever really be able to be in the same room with both of them?
I hope I helped and I wish you luck.
2007-01-06 15:47:34 · answer #2 · answered by Artemiseos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
O.k. I'm going to lay it on the line.I'm sorry but it would never work out between the two of you even if you waited until she was 18. There is so much of a gap in your ages. She would always look at you as a father figure and it would be really hard on your son if something ever materialized with the two of you. Just think if you ever got married, which i doubt would ever happen your son's step mother would be younger then your son. I think that you would feel very uncomfortable taking her out on dinner dates and hanging out with your friends and i think she would be uncomfortable too because her mentality is no where near your adult friends levels. It's jsut an infatuation you have, and it makes you feel good that a younger girl might find you attractive. Find someone that is at least old enough to remember what the 80's were like.
2007-01-06 15:45:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's young and cute, that's why you want her. I'm not saying you don't love her, but she is so young it seems unfair. What do you really have to say to each other?
You got soft when she took care of you, because you feel lonely and she's sweet, but that's not love. Even if you get together, you'd be always wondering what she feels for this or that guy her own age.
I think you could find a woman more in your demographic and leave Ashley to experience all the great things you do when you're young, and never return again, like disco, flirting, camping with friends, exciting times in large groups, meeting loads of strangers easily and freedom.
It would be too easy to manipulate such a young girl at your age.
Whatever you choose, good luck!
2007-01-06 15:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by sandwich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect, you need to get a grip and a g/f your own age. A girl (or boy) of 18 are just beginning to know where their FEET are. They're certainly in no emotional or social position to deal with someone literally twice their age.
About the largest age gap a couple can handle is 10 years, give or take. Even a very mature teenager is still a teenager. Its easy to see how a person might develop a FRIENDLY infatuation with a sweet younger person, but letting it become more than that is a fool's errand. Believe me, its a major mess in the making. There's no good angle to this thing. Let it go and look elsewhere. Everyone will be happier for it.
2007-01-06 15:45:21 · answer #5 · answered by gamerathon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are asking and concerned is a good thing. That being said I don't think you should act on your feelings now or when she turns 18. It doesn't even have anything to do with the fact that she is 19 years younger than you. What concerns me is what your son would think. Women and men come and go, but your son is in your life until you die. I don't mean to downplay your feelings but most likely what you feel is infatuation, not love. You are not seeing anyone else and when you were ill, she was there for you. it probably fosters a warm feeling, as it should, but that doesn't make it love. I guess I would ask myself "is this girl worth losing the love and respect of my son for?". Even if they break up, I would wager that your son would still be very hurt if you took up with her. He would be bound to wonder if anything was going on while he was dating her.
2007-01-06 15:45:54 · answer #6 · answered by thrill88 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you post this every f*cking day til you get enough people telling you it's ok? It's NOT ok. You're a man and a father. Act like one and stay away from her. It doesn't matter what you and her could have because bottom line is, she is with your son. If the break up or not, your boy is going to think you're a LOT lower no matter what's with them two, should you have anything to do with this girl. I don't understand what a 36 yo man could have in common with a girl this age no matter how mature she is. Adults do a lot of growing in the years between you and it seems that you missed that or you would understand why you can't do anything about this.
2007-01-06 17:56:12 · answer #7 · answered by punkvixen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is to stay out of your son and his girlfriend's relationship. Though you have romantic feelings towards her, she might not feel the same way because 18 and 36 is a really big age difference. It is also wise to not break into their relationship because it would me like your son having an affair with YOUR girlfriend. Neither party will be happy, so don't make the wrong decision.
2007-01-06 15:40:41 · answer #8 · answered by Irene \m/. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! First and Foremost, I commend you for NOT being "physical" with your sons girlfriend. I say most definantly do not make a move on her nor ask her out! No offense at all seriously! But, If you had a girlfriend or maybe even a Wife. Would you wont your son to "feel" that way about the person? I say just let that girl alone, let your son enjoy his girl and be happy for him!! Find you a Nice Lady of your own!.......There's many of us! *Wink* Good Luck with the Lady Hunt! She's out there some where...............=-)
2007-01-06 15:47:30 · answer #9 · answered by Peaches ( . ) ( . ) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have totally no respect for your own son, this is terrible. What is wrong with you, do you not kow what it would do to your son, making a move on his girlfriend. Why can you not get one your own age and leave his girlfriend alone. Your are bordering on being a little sick between the ears there, you need to stop this insane crap before you make your son hate you. If I was the girl and you touched me like that, I would think you were some kind of pervert, leave them alone, how dare you do that to your son. Get you own woman, or is that the problem, you can't.
2007-01-06 15:43:05 · answer #10 · answered by m c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well grow up and date someone your own age. It doesnt matter if you have someone or not or if she will be 18 or not. You just got done raising your child and this girl should be veiwed as another child. Out of your league. You are a parent. Act like one. You were sick and she showed a caring hand. Dont take it for any other gesture. You will disgrace your son, even if it doesnt last. You are tapping into the guys they nab for children all the time. Realize this and date a woman of your own age. Grow up!!!!
2007-01-06 15:42:34 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋