Milking him Dry of his last cent. is that so wrong?

Question

I grew up with my mother being mother and father to her three children. My father has been abroad ever since i was born and has never played a active role in my life. I have been given a chance to attend University where i was given a full 4yrs scholarship. My dad does not know about it and has recently developed interest in me since i started school. So i decide to milk him dry. I told him i need my tuition to be paid and he sent it fully. Iam planning on doing it for the next four years, is that so wrong? cause it feels so right, i just put the money in my bank account, i consider it has paying back for his absence.

Answer 1

I am a mother of 3 also and raised my kids too, mostly alone, my first daughter was born in 1979 her father decided to disappear for 20 years, right after her 20th birthday he decided to contact my mother who in turn contacted me. I was very pissed off at him for 20 years due to the fact that he knew he was the father and chose to abid by his wife's decision to run from his responsibilities, by the way he was not married when we were dating and I became pregnant, anyway my daughter was about 2 years old when he got married, his wife was a b i t c h, and could not have children, made threats to me and my husband that she would take me to court for my daughter if I did not stop the child paternity matter. well i do not deal with any threats to my children and chose to let him walk away, i never thought he would be gone for 20 years and no way of contacting him at all.
We had the dna test done and he is for sure her father, she has been married since 1998 and was working full time and attending college. I told her father that since he did not ever help in supporting her and raising her that I would not take him to court for 18 years of child support if he could help with her college tuition, so he did open a savings account and gave her access to it. whenever she had to pay tuition or books or whatever the money was there for her. That really helped her and now she is graduated and has a great job too. I do not believe in you milking him dry, but he could help with finances, and you could have a little compassion for him, as you have not walked in his shoes and will probably never really know the reason he was not there for your and the other children. Just pray to God that what your mother went through - you will never find yourself in the same situation. Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

I think when he left you, it was wrong. I think what you did, was wrong too. If he has decided to pay your tuition for that year, that was his choice. He has made an effort to see you again, that's a good thing because he wants to start a relationship with you.

Since you didn't tell him to pay for the next 4 years, you are basically using him. Instead, you should have sat down with him and talked to him about it. He might help you anyway because he wants to make up what he lost with you.

So, this may feel right with you, but it is wrong and dishonest. You could handle this the right way rather than lying or I would say stealing is the word. If your father didn't care right now, he wouldn't be interested in you.

Answer 3

Consider it child support! You are a trophy to him anda Trophys are expensive. Does he just want bragging rights. talk to the man, you are not a mind reader. Did he pay child support? Some people grow up late in life I don't know the man and cant judge him. The bible says not to take revenge in our own hands! Follow your heart. College is quite expensive. It wouldn't hurt to have a cushion

I would take some of that money and treat my mom with a special gift. Being mom and Dad both is a challenge! She must be a special Lady to raise such a smart bright child. You got to be smart and committed to get a full scholarship and keep. Do what seems best to you? Is this troubling you? i would tell him. Thank you , But what i really need was you growing up? why are you doing this? and listen to your heart?

Answer 4

You may feel it is so right. I can not be the judge of that only you can. You lived with him being absent. Not any of us. Only you would know what is right or wrong. I think you would get more pleasure then the money of telling him straight to his face what you felt about his absence in your life. But, the fact that he sent money with no questions asked, most dads would of been like who cares. HE SENT MONEY, SHOWS SIGNS HE IS TRYING TO HELP. You have full ride to college and now who is being the deceiver? Most dads would of said "OH YOU NEED MONEY, TOO BAD. Sounds more like you need to talk to him face to face about how you feel. Not sure how you would handle the extra money from him, if you can live with that, thats your business. You sound more like you are having forgiveness issues. THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT HE WAS ABSENT!!! I think it would be your fault for not allowing him back in your life now since he is taking an interest now. People are human, they mess up. Your dad messed up big time, but it sounds like he is wising up even though you see it as too late, and trying to make it right. Theres two sides to every story, and then theres the truth. I hope you look deeper into your feelings on this and talk to your once absent father before you decide a thing.

P.S. Christina, you have guilt over this a bit since you are asking this question to begin with. Good luck on your decisions!!!!

Answer 5

You can play this game for the rest of your life but the pain you have Is emotional not financial. It's apparent that he's realized his mistake and now Is trying to make up In whatever way he can. It's also apparent that money Is not a problem and leaking him Is only going to make him broke not realize how hurt you are. If you say your tuition Is paid do you think he's not going to give you money when you need It. This Is your dad, why not start over and try to be his daughter not some gold digger that don't have enough guts to stand up for herself and tell her father how she really felt all those years he wasn't around.....good luck I really hope all that money takes you to the top of the world.

Answer 6

great question.thank you for sharing your thoughts.i'm sorry you didn't have the opportunity to bond with and be with your father. please know you are not alone in regards to this situation. im sure having your dad pay for your education may seem right and at this point, good in feeling, but at the end, it will be just another obstacle that you and your father will have to resolve. however you want to think about it ( that he's your dad, two wrongs don't made it right, that you know better, that you'll be getting a free ride, cause you are owed this,ect ) whatever the case may be, he's family. maybe not in the traditional sense but in reality. it's seems likes he's trying to rediscover lost time with you and at the end of the day, your education can be there during your lifetime, your father cant. good luck.

Answer 7

do not freak out. Your furnish is maximum in all probability only regulating lower back. in case you had an oversupply earlier then of direction that is going to experience diverse. additionally your breasts get used to it and that they don't experience complete or get engorged not often ever after a mutually as. Why do not you end pumping and attempt only nursing your son like generic. this could regulate you decrease back to a classic point of production. undergo in ideas that your toddler is youthful and nevertheless regulating your furnish and a few days only are not as effective as others, comparable with situations of day. additionally, your toddler in undemanding terms eats 3 to 5 oz. at a time so which you do not want your breasts engorged to feed him. Mine are distinctly much in no way "complete" yet my son is a chunkster so i understand he's getting plenty. only relax, nurse your toddler, stay hydrated and all would be great, I promise.

Answer 8

wanting your father to be financially involved with you is not wrong."milking" him for money is. you think less of him because he was not around. now you are coming down to his level.it seems that he would give you money even if you were honest about what you want it for. if you are concerned enough about what you are doing to reach out for the opinion of others, ill bet you already know that it is ultimately wrong, and any short-term ,misguided gloating that you feel will fade away- and guilt will take over

Answer 9

If getting revenge worked, then you'd feel better, and you obviously don't. Nothing is going to make your father's lifelong absence better for you except mending the relationship, and you are not doing that, you are trying to punish him. You are trying to hurt him the way he has hurt you, and that brings you to his level.

Answer 10

Your actions reflect a lack of integrity,moral responsibility and courtesy. You are a chip off the old block.