My mom unknowingly drives me away... how do I know I am not doing the same to my kids?

Question

My mom is invasive and controlling. With my kids I show respect and give try to give space.. but how do I know that I am not messing up somehow else. My mom still can't figure out how she drives me away, no matter how nicely I tell her. What can I do to NOT drive my kids away...?

Answer 1

Your awareness is going to go a long way towards this. Plus, you have nicely told your mother things that she is not listening to, and I know if your kids dropped these lil hints to you that you would listen because you are really concerned about preserving the relationship. Just keep talking to your kids and keep the lines of communication open.

Answer 2

Seek out counseling. Why not...what have you got to lose? Some counselors seem to be Christians (or believe in a "higher power") and are very good at what they do.

Some therapy MIGHT help you understand and identify your life/feelings/actions as a parent and as a child. It's really not an easy time in your life. Talking to a trained listener and getting a trained opinion on things is not such a bad idea, is it?

(Just wait until you are the adult and your elderly mother becomes the "child" [God willing she have a long life]. That is a horrible time if no planning has gone into extended-life care for the elderly person.

Good luck. You must take care of YOUR well being before anything or anybody else can matter, though. take that to da bank

Answer 3

I have this same problem not a day goes by that I don't worry if I'm pushing my daughter away somehow, I've come to the conclusion that no matter what I do I'm always going to worry about it,but it's times when I'm gone and she's not with me that she calls and wants her mom home that makes me feel like a million bucks and reminds me that she does love me.I'm sure your kids think your wonderful and love you very much sometimes people seem to forget to give kids respect but you do that you so to them your probably the coolest mom in the world.

Answer 4

many people questions their parenting if your mom does something you dont like then all you can do is try your best not to be the same as her..if you are doing other things that might be pushing the kids away you may never know but it seems to me that you are very aware of youself and thats a good place to start..remember these are your kids and im sure you do your best in taking care of them but there will always be times and situations in which you and your children wont see eye to eye or agree its normal and its okay..just love and support them the best you can talk to them keep open communication with them and everything should work out for the best..some parents dont care enough to even question themselves so keep up the work and have no fear it'll be alright im sure

Answer 5

*lol* Nope. i like toddler donning yet consistent with danger its via fact i'm a small guy or woman with short palms and quite super breasts which push toddler out even extra yet there is not any way i ought to miss the toddler become interior the front %.. i've got generally needed there become a secure thank you to apply a sprint one service at the same time as using a million/2 a block from one save to the different. in many cases I finally end up walking at the same time as hubby drives. There are those toddler companies approved for plane restraint yet of direction airplanes don't have shoulder restraints or airbags.

Answer 6

I can't imagine what had gone wrong between you and your mother, but I would imagine that having an open-ear to your kids should help.

Although at times you may have to say "NO" to certain things, you can always do so with valid reasons and after weighing the pros and cons. IF you can bend a little - always do so. I think this might be helpful in the long run.

Answer 7

You didn't mention how old your kids are... When they're young, it's all about communication and taking the time to make great memories with them.... in their teen years, those memories... laughing over them... that's what will get you through. That and involvement in school/activities. Teen years are also about recognizing the areas in which your child is ready to be independent... and letting them spread their wings in those areas.

Once they're adults, you need to back off and let them live their own lives. Even when you think they're blowing it... your role is to say, "I've been thinking about what you said.. and I just want you to know, I love you and I support you, and I want the very best for you, no matter what you decide."

Just remember... if they want advice, they'll ask for it.

Answer 8

Awareness is the key. You are obviously more self-aware than your mom is, so you have already taken a step in the right direction.
Just keep a good relationship with your kids, & listen to them. You won't drive thenm away.

Answer 9

Communicate with your children in a loving and supportive manner; ask them for feedback. Observe your children to understand your relationship better (how they act/feel around you, do they feel comfortable at home, do they feel you are overprotective and paternalistic or too much just like a buddy, etc.) and observe them in other aspects as well (if they're not doing homework - maybe they need more encourgment and a plan you both created together on a schedule, etc.)

Answer 10

Maybe you could write her a letter or if you feel its not appropriate just write ifor yourself so that the next time you have a quite moment to sit down and talk with her youv will have an easier time getting your piont across. And remember to not be so hard on yourself.