How to change a Bad Dad?

Question

my boyfriend thinks its okay to drive around drunk
with his 3yr old daughter(not my kid) in the car.
he also smokes weed with his 13 yr old brother.
how can i convince him to stop doing this before our babies are born. He tells me he is in full control when he drives drunk but last month he hit three mailboxes and a cat with his daughter in the back seat.
what should i do?

shes not my daughter and her mom is a herion addict so.

im pregant with twins and i think im going to leave him so dont worry.

Answer 1

Your boyfriend certianly has a lot of BOY in him.

Dump him. You seem like a good person, so take the 3yr old with you if you can. If you can't at least make sure she is out of the way when you dump him, you don't want him taking out all his anger on her.

Then Call Child Protective Services to come get the poor little girl so she can have a shot a decent life. CPS might find her a better home, or they might make the Mom and/or b/f clean up their act. Either way her chances of making it to 6, or even 4, are not very high in the sort of an environment she is in right now. It will be the best thing that ever happened to her. You will probably be saving her life.

B/F does not seem like the type that is going to pay child support anyway, so see if he will agree to have his parental rights terminated. Now before you say "But my babies will need a father" YES they WILL need a FATHER, not an irresponsible selfish self destructive boy who's only claim to manhood is that his hormones and glands work. Raising twins will be hard enough without him in the picture, he will just make things worse.

Contact http://www.birthright.org/ for support and help with the kids. They give Free pregnancy testing, Completely confidential help, Non-judgmental and caring advice, Friendship and emotional support, Legal, medical, and educational referrals, Prenatal information, Maternity and baby clothes , Housing referrals , Social agency referrals , Information on other community services. They can give you a lot of help and you are going to need all the help you can get.

Then go build yourself a life. Get yourself on your feet, with an education, a job, place to live, two healthy kids. It will take a couple of years, but it go a lot quicker than you think.

Then go find yourself a MAN, a real man is someone who lives up to his responsibilites.

Won't be easy, but you can do this.

Good luck

And getting yourself into a good church wouldn't hurt either. They can provide a ton of support and help, and they will be a good influence on your kids too.

Answer 2

Are you pregnant? If you are then I would suggest giving up.Even if you're not.If you decide to stay with him and he kills or hurts anyone then you may feel just as guilty cause you stayed with him and his words of Mr. right.
I smoke too and drink.I would never do it around my kids though.To me they are more important then living by the flesh for my own need and i would never drive with my kids under this effect of being High.I know what it does.
Saying he's got it all under control is a cop out to do what he wants.He's basically saying F*ck you all.Of course if you turn him in for it he would probably want to kill you for it.That sounds to me that he's out of control.
This is to scary.I met people like this and this is gone to far.The children are more important.
If you feel this strong about it then you know the true answer within.If you're to afraid then leave and talk to him on the phone about it if needed.But let him know and be done.Get a protection order if needed.Call the cops and say you feel threatened.
Also I've hit someone before when I was high and drunk.The Guy I hit was high and drunk driveing his bike.
When the cops came the thoughts running threw my head was that no matter how much I had it under control it won't matter because Im high and drunk.It could of been the other guys fault but the cops see me as high and drunk so Im sh*t out of luck just because thats the way the law is.
Becareful, you don't want to go threw life regreting killing someone for the rest of your life.

Answer 3

Ok well I am guessing the child lives with him if her mother is a heroin addict, so what I suggest is scare the pants off him, take the child and go to a safe house with her, and do not contact him, I know kidnapping is breaking the law but it is the safest option for that child. I mean if you go to the authorities it will take time, get an interim parenting order so you at least know the child is safe until a permanent arrangement is sorted out.

When I say scare the pants off him I mean scare the pants off him, make him think his daughter is gone, if he cares about her he might just change tho I highly doubt it.

Get the kid to a child health nurse for a full check-up, if her parents are that bad she could have all sorts of concoctions in her veins. Your main priority right now is your safety and the childs, get away from him and get her away from him, it is all you can do.

Answer 4

hes not only risking his life but others ,right now hes risking the life of his child next it will be your child,and what are you going to do when you come home and your children are getting high with daddy,how old is he even if hes 16 he knows better, how can you want a life with someone like this your setting yourself up for a welfare worker to take your children because of his actions ,what are you going to do when he has a wreck and kills his little daughter and know you did nothing to prevent this, does the child's mother know her child is in danger?please tell her if she don't know.make an anonymous call to the police the next time he drives drunk you need to get him off the road, doesn't;t look like anything else is going to stop him until someone is killed or hurt real bad.go to the library and see about renting a movie tape about people killed by drunk drivers they may have some, let him watch them ,it probably wouldn't;t do any good though some one that would give drugs to a 13 year old would just laugh at it,he is a terrible person can;t you see that,get away from him,and get some proof of how hes an unfit father so you can be sure your children want be in danger on his visitation days,you better wake up girl before its to late, and good luck with your baby's they are going to need their mom to take good care of them since you know he wont.

Answer 5

You might want to try and suggest that he go to a drunk driving class. It will be like pulling teeth but if you look around there are ones that show real accident on tape, show you actual cars that people have died in and will bring you to a mortuary so they can see the effects that drunk driving can cause on others. And some will take you into prisons were they talk to people who have killed people while they were drinking and driving. Hopefully it will sink into his head that it's not him at risk when he's drinking and driving it is his daughter and everyone else on the road. Good luck this is a tuff one. And please don't let your baby's go with him =)

Answer 6

Apparently he is not listening to your advice. He seems to careless about the safety of his daughter. The condition is pathetic. However, what about his 13 year brother, is he concerned about him. How much he pays attention to his daughter. Does he listen to her? and would buy her things when she demands? So, work on these two and see that they can come to your side about the security and safety for all of them when they are with your husband. Use them to talk or to express their fear to be with him when he is high. You may have to spend time to sweet talk the brother in law of yours. Though he is young, he can be useful unless he is also incorrigible. If you are a Christian, pray to God for miracle. There are testimonies about difficult husband turn good. You can try this too. If all this fails, take your daughter to safety ie. any organisatio that can provide assistance. The last straw is, threaten him that you will live with your daughter without him until he becomes sober. If he loves you and cares for you, he may change. Well, that is if you are financially independent. Or is there any set up in your community that can help you. God bless you.

Answer 7

When ever you see him leave the house, in a drunken condition, call the cops. They will keep an eye on him and arrest him. Where's the 3 year old's mother..... Let her know what he does. She can have his visitation stopped. You also need to talk to his parents and let them know about him and his brother.
DO NOT have any children with this man. So far he's shown you how totally irresponsible he is and that's not good.
Your only hope is for the cops to catch him or he could kill someone in an accident; either way - he needs to be in jail and needs psychological help.

Answer 8

Wait, before your babies are born. If you are pregnant now leave him and get custody. If you are not pregnant, leave him and never see him again. Why the hell would you even consider kids with a guy like this. Also, you need to call the authorties to thave the 3 year old taken away and out of harms way. Guy is a looser.

Answer 9

Um, he needs to be in AA. He needs to have his daughter taken away from him. I am sorry to be so harsh about it. But if you get a call saying he was in an accident and that little girl is hurt or dead you will have wished you put a stop to it. The truth is people will not change until they are ready to change. I know...my family is full of alcoholics. You need to tell this little girl's mother what is going on. You need to save her life. This will not end on a good note unless you make it that way. Please PLEASE step up...and for God's sake don't let him drive with your baby in the car. He is going to hurt or kill someone..You have to say something. You have to. Good luck.

Answer 10

Get that poor child out of the situation! Same with the 13 year old brother! Go the police or someone.