I have a problem with my mom?

Question

Ok i am my moms oldest child i am 14 and she still treats me like i am 5. I have 1sister and 2brothers. She gives me no respect she does not belive anything i say and she wont let me do anything without her their.She still belives that i will turn out like her. O ya and she always clasifyes me under a teenager. Like i sad she had me when she was 17 and was a really bad kid. I always tell her i will not turn out like her. How can i get my mom to let me be more independen. O dont forget i do everything for her i am like her babysiter, maid, and cook. PLEASE HELP ME

Answer 1

It sounds like a trust issue to me with your mom. Trust is something you have to earn and isn't just dealt out. Be a good girl, obey your mom and don't nag her about the issue. Eventually she will realize you are a good child and can be trusted. Then the independence will come.

Answer 2

I can understand how you feel. No I am not a teen. I had my first child when I was 16. My oldest is now 16. I let my daughter go with friends and have her freedom. She has a curfew. I don't hold her responsible for my mistakes which is what it sounds like your mom is doing. I hope she realizes this and changes her mind. I can see her being overprotective because she doesn't want you to make the same mistakes, so let her know that you understand how hard it must have been to have a child so young and you only want to have some freedom. Going out with friends does not necessarily mean you will have sex, get drunk or high. Why doesn't your mother cook? Is she working? Why do you have to babysit ALL the time? My older kids help me out to with the younger ones but I work 2 jobs.

Answer 3

Just telling her will NOT convince her. You must act more mature and responsible. For starters, quit whining to her. Have an ADULT conversation. If you are still whining and complaining, this IS a child's reaction, not a mature individual's reaction. having you do all the work isn't right either. it's tuff being the oldest sometimes. They always get the more strict approach and the parent's relax a bit with each child thereafter. (I was a middle one of 3) See if she can take you somewhere with your friends, like a show or to the mall. You MUST gain her trust or you are doomed. If you have given her NO reason to distrust you then ask her to do things with you and your friends. Have them over to play games or something. She will get to know them better and trust them some too. it will be kind of hard at first, but she will soften as you show more responsibility and include her as a friend instead of a mom. When you have a conversation with her just don't yell or say things like"i'm not YOU. How do you know I will do the same things you did." This is NOT adult talk. You want to say things like "look mom, I understand your concern and I appreciate it, but I am aware of all the teen pregnancies and drinking and other irresponsible behavior kids our age do". " I give you credit for having raised me right and taught me to be more responsible and make educated decisions and to do the right things." I don't want to end up on drugs or pregnant. I have too much to look forward to and a whole lot of learning to do yet before I mess up my life doing all the things MOST teens do." can't you give me a LITTLE credit for thinking beyond next Friday with my friends?" I WANT to get a good education and make something of myself."...Things along those lines are from a responsible mouth, not from a teen being rebellious.

Answer 4

Look at this with a different attitude. At least your mom is trying. I know of some kids that they're mom just turns them loose to fend on their own.......they are lucky if there is any food in the house.....they have to live off of their friends. So take this time to learn. My advice to you, is to be the best teenager that you can be. Be an example to your younger siblings. That way they could always go to you for advice and they can trust you. So when you do get married and have children, you'll already know how to cook, clean, raise and care for children, plus you'll be more wiser because you have all that experience. Look at it that way. As far as her giving you respect or believing you, that I'm sure will come in time. Maybe not when you're 14, but I'm sure soon. Just NEVER lie to her, and when she does give you some independence, go by her rules exactly, or make sure you're calling her and telling her what's up. That's the only way. I wish you the best of luck girl. Just try to have some patience.

Answer 5

Sit her down and explain how you feel to her. Tell her how much you realize the lesson she is trying to teach you but how you would still like to do some things and become a bit more independent. Do you have a cellphone? If so, tell her she can call you on your cellphone at anytime and it will always be on. Tell her how you'll let her know where you will be at and who will be there. Tell her that you won't do anything bad. Gain more trust from her too.
Don't expect a WHOLE lot, it'll take time for her to let you become more independent but she should allow you do a few things. Also, be glad that you have a mom who cares for you so much. She just wants the up most best for you and wants you to live a good life-now and in the future.

All the best!

Answer 6

Believe it or not, your mother loves you very much, that's why all this are taking place and all you need is a little passion and don't do thing that will lead her not to trust in you. All you need to do right know is to earn her trust. She will always treat you like you were 5 at anytime even when you turn 40 and married. Like I usually tell my friends: age is like a race that no matter how hard you tried, you can never past the person that is born before you. I know of this preacher that his mother told him once, stop taking off your glasses when you're at the pulpit. He's 52 and a grand dad. I said all this to tell you that little passion goes a long way. Keep up the good work.

Answer 7

I'm not sure that there's much you can do except continue to act responsible and try to demonstrate your maturity/helpfulness as best you can. It sounds like she's an unhappy person and that attitude is affecting her ability to parent you well. Maybe she's kind of hoping you will turn out like her just so she can say, "Told you so." You appear to be a sensitive girl who is aware of your mom's weaknesses. Hang in there. Try not to let her attitude get you down. Continue being the helpful, respectful person you are. That way you know you're doing everything you can despite her.

Is there any older female relative or maybe a friend's mom who can put in a good word for you w/your mom? Every little bit might help!

Good luck!!

Answer 8

Independent at fourteen is rough. you will have Little independence because you are a minor.
Your moms a mixed up B i t c h. There is nothing you can do. My mom was a b i t c h my entire childhood and she still is --she's almost eighty years old! A sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows sharper with constant use!
Ignore her and move out in four years. The time will go by quickly
Good luck

Answer 9

Technically you are a Teenager, as to your mother's worry about your turning out like her that is common today (looking at the stuff we see on TV.) If you are a member of a church, join their Youth Group. Also The Venture Scouts, a Division of the Boy Scouts, is COed and accepts 14 year olds. The more charitable Organizations you are in the less your mom will have to worry about you and the more she will treat you like you are your own age.

Answer 10

Well let me say this without being condisending but it may come out like that.So forgive me first because I have to say this:THAT is your mother and I don't think she is trying to treat you like a baby so much she just sees you as her baby if you know what I mean.Mothers tend to be overbearing somtimes but really they don't mean to be but it's in them.I want you to know this much.When you have to go through what I did you would look at your mother differently.Well this is what happen .My mother died when I was 14 there is nothing more heart-breaking then to have to sit through your own mothers funereal at that age.So listen do this for me yourself and her.Respect the fact you have a mother.And if there is anything you can do for her do it without complaining.Becasue after all she didn't have to have you.You see you owe your mother nothing but RESPECT and Love and with that I say to you YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED.