my twin sister died 4 years ago and i attended her funeral. i was miserable.ive never cried so much in my life. and i have had alot of mental problems since then because of loosing her. it seemed to me that the funeral only increased the pain, it did nothing to make me feel any better about the loss of my beloved sister.now my favorite cousin has died.my mental state is awfull but im dealing with my pain and grief in my own way.i really think this funeral will only magnify the pain.i dont think it will help my mental state but in fact bring on more mental anguish.i dont want to go to this funeral,as i dont want to deal with this at all im afraid it will send me over the edge like last time ,make it worse like last time.i loved jason so much ,he was my very favorite cousin i saw like once a year.my family pushed back the fune.date cause i left from home for a couple days thinking i could avoid this.is it wrong of me to not attend or to not want to attend?family will be mad if i dont.
2007-01-06 13:14:29 · 42 answers · asked by brown_eyed_girl_mandy 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It is not wrong of you. I'm sorry for your losses. If the funeral will magnify the pain, then it is NOT in your best interest to attend. I'm sure if your favorite cousin is looking down on you, he wouldn't want to see you any more upset than you already are. Don't worry about what your family says -- explain to them that just because you are not going, does not mean you don't respect him. Tell them you don't think you can handle the funeral emotionally, and that it would be better for everyone if you do not attend. I'm sure if you tell them you are afraid for your mental health and your general well-being, they would understand. If not, too bad for them -- you are an adult who can make her own decisions. If I were you, I would stay home and pray for him, if that is your thing.
It is not wrong at all.
Feel better, and again, I am sorry for the loss of your cousin.
2007-01-06 13:22:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you say it sounds like you have not come to terms yet with the loss of your sister and now you are confronted with the loss of another beloved relative. I feel for you and i would advise you to get in touch immediately with your doctor and explain how you are feeling. It sounds like there is much work to be done in helping you over this terrible period in your life and you may need counselling and medication.
Meantime, the pressing issue of the funeral has to be addressed. Like you, I become very upset at funerals and gain no real comfort from them at the time but afterwards I am glad that I made the effort and went, because the family appreciate it and there is also something to be said for sharing your grief. Therefore, I would advise you to go but ask your doctor if you can have a beta-blocker or something that will help you through the day. I think you will feel better for it later. Good luck and best wishes.
2007-01-06 13:28:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that your sister died 4 years ago. I lost my dad (age 58) 3 years ago this Feb and the pain does not go away. The funeral helped me to let go-but then again, when does a person ever let go? There is no wrong or right way to grieve a loss of a loved one. It is up to you to go or not. If you feel that you will lose it (go crazy) at the funeral don't go. If you think that you will just cry-go. The pain will never go away and sometimes seeing the person one last time is a way for the mind to close out and say "Okay, this person is gone." even though the heart says, "I want them back!" at least the mind saw that person one last time. You may regret not going. Is there anything you want to tell your cousin? Let him know at the funeral or at his grave-you can go alone if you need to as well.
2007-01-06 13:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by Beth 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I was on your position, I will still attend to the funeral? Why? No matter how much the pain hurts (and dear, everyone knows how it feels when a love one passes away), you must give the respect to your cousin to attend it. Yes, it will hurt like hell! There is nothing can ease the pain except time...and time can't do any healing, really. Your parents want you to attend too, and all you can do is give respect. After the funeral, cry all you want! But don't take it out on yourself by drinking a lot of beer and doing drugs...that's not a way out...your twin sister or your cousin doesn't want to see you do that, just because they passed away. They want you to be happy still, even though they are gone.
Good luck! Cry your tears out...your family are still there, and they aren't going to leave your side...ever!
2007-01-06 13:21:31 · answer #4 · answered by lizarose2007 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is more important that you are alright.
Now, let's get a perspective:
It is evident you are still dealing with some extremely serious pain.
You have already stated this is your favorite cousin, so there is no doubt you love and respective your cousin
You are certain that attending the funeral will do damage to you mental state
Your cousin knows this and understands and I am sure your cousin would not want you to suffer any more than you have.
I say you let the relative know how you feel and tell them you will not be attending the services.
2007-01-06 13:25:16 · answer #5 · answered by DEE 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should sit down with your family and explain your feelings. I know you think they will be mad but they might surprise you. Even if they are mad they will know why you have made the decision not to go to the funeral. Do what is best for yourself...perhaps a doctors visit for your depression would be a good idea too. It should be a personal decision whether you go to the funeral or not...not everyone is mentally or emotionally healthy enough to cope with them. My condolences on your losses over the last few years...try to remember the good times you all had and be happy in your life..that is what they would want for you.
2007-01-06 13:32:22 · answer #6 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it is not wrong of you. People usually go to funerals as a sign of respect and love for the person. If you want to express that publicly then it would be nice if you go. If you feel, however, that you are not ready to face your cousin's death in such a way then you do not have to go. Perhaps it is a good idea for you to tell your family exactly what you have told us in this question so they will understand and not give you any trouble for not going. If you think about it it is your cousin's funeral and if you believe in heaven and that your cousin can hear you then I am sure that you can talk to him about this problem and he will understand... a prayer and your loving memories are as much of a show of respect as a public display ; )
2007-01-06 13:37:32 · answer #7 · answered by forceOfNature 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funerals are for the living who are left behind. They help some people mourn and have closure regarding the loss. That doesn't mean they help everyone. Each of us copes with extreme sadness in our own way. You have a right to mourn in the way that works best for you. Tell your family you cannot go to his funeral, and you know he would understand. Don't back down on your decision.
You may want to join a grief support group to help you work out your feelings. You can call a Hospice organization in your area, even if you've never had anyone involved in hospice, and they will tell you how you can join a grief support group. I've heard that many, many people greatly benefit from talking with others about their deep feelings of loss, feelings many of them share.
Do what is best for YOU, and don't second guess your decision! Good luck, honey, and I'm very sorry for your loss. :(
2007-01-06 13:22:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry for your loss - that is certainly a lot to deal with. I can understand why you feel the way you do so I won't say it's wrong for you not to attend Jason's funeral. Funerals serve at least two purposes. (1) They allow you to visit with the deceased one last time before they are buried and (2) They allow all the family members to grieve together. It's almost as if everyone will be coming to give their support to everyone else. Jason's death isn't going to get any easier for you right now and you aren't the only one who's hurting. By being at the funeral, you will be able to cry and grieve with everyone else. Again, I'm not saying it's wrong for you not to go, but I hope you do go to show your support to the other people who will be grieving too. If you try to handle it on your own, it may only make it worse and I hope later on you won't regret not going to the funeral.
2007-01-06 13:20:04 · answer #9 · answered by ♪ ♥ ♪ ♥ 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter if the family is mad at you or not. They should understand what you're going through. And they should respect your wishes. It's up to you if you want to attend the funeral or not. If it's going to bring you more pain, then don't attend. But the thing is, if you don't attend this funeral, you'll be thinking about what it'd be like if you DID attend. You should respect the death of your cousin by attending the funeral. You've already experienced a death similar to this death, and you got through it. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So be strong. And good luck to you. I'm sorry for your loss. And I hope you make the right decision for YOU. <3
2007-01-06 13:21:02 · answer #10 · answered by 143 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋