I need some advice on what to do in my relationship, My children and I live with my boyfriend for the last 3 years, his kids come over every weekend. I notice he knit picks on my kids and is on them like white on rice, when his kids come around they get away with murder for example his daughter literaly slammed my sons fingures in the door and almost broke them, I told him what happen and his daughter got no punishment and he said my son must have done something to provoc her and he punished my kid. When I try and defend my child the answer I get is well I dont see my kids all the time your kids live here, both his daughter and my son are 12 years old but his daughter is 150lbs and about 5'3 and my son is 75lbs and under 5'0ft he is petite, there is a big size diffrence and he says my son should be a man. Are his tactics right or am I crazy?? Should I leave him because Im tired of it and dont know what to do.
2007-01-06 12:08:53 · 37 answers · asked by onehotmama 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow -I have heard of this kind of behavior - and it's touchy - You said in your last sentence that you were tired of his ( BF) action's and I can see why you would be - I hate to say this but,seems there's more going on here with him and your relationship - and as long as you stay, seems the worse it will get ! Your children are your number one - and I know you already know that, You sound like a very good and fair person - And You and Your Children deserve a whole lot better - - Very Good Question -You asked, because you love your kid's - I think it might be time to move on -- the sooner the better - Bless you and your children --
Pattijo
2007-01-06 12:31:29 · answer #1 · answered by pattijohughes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to put the children's well being first--what would be good for all of them you know?
It sounds like he doesn't have custody of his children--so anytime he sees them he's going to think that everything they do is the right thing to be doing and he'll always be overly siding with them in most every instance. He's afraid that if he does anything to make his children angry at him he might lose what custody he has because his kids will run to mommy and tell her how mean dad was to them.
Definitely a tough situation for sure--but the answer is to think of what's best for his children and yours and take whatever actions are necessary to resolve the situation in an adult manner.
I don't know if you could but you might talk to his children's mother and see what her kids tell her about their father. She might be of great help if you tell her what he does with your kids. HTH
2007-01-06 12:41:52 · answer #2 · answered by Mr_B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds selfish, you need to talk. The kids weight shouldn't come into any argument -that's just mean - they're only children. If he can't respect your kids maybe you need a different partner who does. Who needs a man with double standards? Yoo Hoo is wrong - it isn't child abuse - what a stupid thing to say. Bloody do-gooders. I do agree though that you need to take your own childrens needs and put them first, why should they suffer for your relationship? Maybe your man has a blind way of dealing with his own kids. Bet he punishes your kids when his kids aren't there. Maybe he lets them have free reign 'cos he feels guilty. Don't let him get away with it, no matter how infrequently he sees his kids, they have to be reigned in if they're naughty. Don't take his crap!
2007-01-06 12:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by sharon r 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you have to make an agreement with him the first part can be that if he want to continue the relationship with you and if he leave you his kids to your care, you have to have the control of his kids and your kid.( You are going to be who punish them). Give advises to your kid of what to do when something happen with the other kids, he can learn how to defend of them. Invite some people you thrust in, they can help you more and they can be eye witness.
If after all nothing change or get better, you should leave him. cut relationship for your kid, we don't want him a traumatic experience.
I hope it help you.
2007-01-06 12:39:11 · answer #4 · answered by Edgar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may very well have to leave in order to protect your children from harm both physically and emotionally.
Before you do this, sit down with him and let him know that you are serious about the situation and if you two cannot come to a mutually agreed upon resolution of the situation, you will have to leave and then follow through on your ultimatum.
Your children are number one priority, not yourself nor your boyfriend. It is so important for your children to grow up knowing that you would protect them above and beyond anything else.
2007-01-06 12:14:14 · answer #5 · answered by cindy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is a load of crap he is pulling on you. If I was you ZI would tell him that the kids are to be all treated equal. If you insist on singeling out my kids and letting yours get away with murder, then this relationship is done. You can not live in a house where one gets away with murder and the others get knit picked. It is not right and the kids do not deserve that kind of disrespect.
2007-01-06 12:13:29 · answer #6 · answered by Biker 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it obvious. Dump him. He not gonna be a good dad. If he treats yur kid that way, imagine how he'll treat the kids you have together. And that is just despicable what his daughter did to yur son. Yo should beat the living crap out of her. If she dont crush you first. Well, hope this works out for you girl. Good luck.
2007-01-06 12:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by Frank 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think that he acts like this because he fell guilty that he lives with you and your kids and not his but this does not give him the right to miss treat your kids you should sit down and have a serious talk with him and tell he that you understand how he fell but he has to respect how you fell and how your kids fell that it okay to punish them but for the right reason not just to make his kids fell better because im sure that you don't make his kids fell that way and maybe y'all should have a talk with his little girl maybe she has some self esteem problems because of her weight or she is being abuse at home you never know. i hope this helps you .
2007-01-06 12:18:29 · answer #8 · answered by cosmo26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest you know that this relationship is not working out for you and your children. It is just a matter of you finding the strength and courage to break it off and find someone who will love and respect both you and your children. Don't think for a minute that he may be the only guy who will love you because you have children. There are many men out there who would be willing to love you and your children and be good and kind to all of you. All the best!
2007-01-06 12:13:15 · answer #9 · answered by fancyface1 l 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes!!! I think he's wrong for yelling at your kids when he doesn't asses the situation. He immediately starts blaming your kids.
If he has been doing this for a long time, he will continue to do it. Obviously he is not showing you and your kids any respect by doing this.
I think you two need to come to some sort of agreement how you should handle each others kids. If not than leave him.
You seem too nice to take crap like that.
MJ
2007-01-06 12:11:29 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. Jeff - It is what it is ☺ 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋