Please help! No irrelevant answers please!!!!!!!?

Question

Well, there is a situation in my family, l really need your help and l don't know if l'm the one with the problem or not. My mum is going out with a married man, but she knows it is wrong. The 1st time l tried to talk to her so she could stop she was like, l'm a grown up woman and l know what l'm doing then l told her l was asking because she had told me & my 2 bros they were just friends. Me and my bros do not like what is going on and l think my mum knows that, but if we try to tell her she won't listen- amongst the 3 of us l'm the only one who can stand up to her & tell her, but l can't do that anymore coz she won't listen & she'll tell me, do you want to control my life? The worst thing is he sometimes bring his brothers & his 2yr old son &l can't believe the brothers let him do that. This issue is really stressing me & my siblings esp me. What do you think l should do, please? l know she won't listen to me coz she thinks l'm just a 16yr old & l don't know anything about life.

Thanks to you all, but l do not have any other relatives in this country, so there's nothing l can do about it and l don't know his wife or where he lives. Also, l would hate it for someone to call my mum names. l'm trying my best not to let this affect my education and my social life, but l can't help it seeing my mother doing something wrong and l'm very emotional so l cry easily coz l know something is going to happen one day and she's gonna regret it- l told her that before. l know she's been hurt before and l don't want her to get hurt again coz l really care about her. Sometimes l try not to tolerate that, but l don't want to hurt him. Right now as l'm typing this, he's downstairs with his brother and brother's wife.

Thanks to you all, but l do not have any other relatives in this country, so there's nothing l can do about it and l don't know his wife or where he lives. Also, l would hate it for someone to call my mum names. l'm trying my best not to let this affect my education and my social life, but l can't help it seeing my mother doing something wrong and l'm very emotional so l cry easily coz l know something is going to happen one day and she's gonna regret it- l told her that before. l know she's been hurt before and l don't want her to get hurt again coz l really care about her. Sometimes l try not to tolerate that, but l don't want to hurt him. Right now as l'm typing this, he's downstairs with his brother and brother's wife.

Answer 1

try talk to her and dont feel boring from that
tell hear that the married man she wants to go out with him is just playing with her because he is already married and not looking
and tell her that she can find better than him
try to talk to anyone in ur family or try to stop that by any way u can

Answer 2

One, you are making an assumption that a) It's is "wrong" for your mother to date a married man; b) The wife doesn't know about her husband's other relationship.

The "problem," as you prefer to call it, is actually quite simple and common; in fact, it's rather common for a married man in other countries to have a mistress or even a "second" love that lasts his entire life. So, in that department, leave it be.

However, the "worst" thing you mention is the "real" problem as I see it because it is affecting you in adverse ways. You may want to be honest with your mother within a different paradigm and let her know how you feel--not about her relationship with a married man--but about his, his brothers, and his siblings presence in your life. I honestly think if you let your mother understand the negative impact that aspect of the relationship is having on you, she may be willing to make a compromise.

Say some such thing as, "Mom, I'm not a little girl; I understand that guys have needs and girls have needs and all that; but would you please show me some respect and not allow your 'friend's' siblings to come over or his brothers. I really find it scary and disrespectful. I can deal with "him"--the married man--but, honestly, the other are simply too much." And say it "with love in your heart." Your mom will listen/hear. Trust!

Answer 3

I'm sorry about your situation.If i were you i would just one night like at dinner with out the married man Say mom Can i ask you something Ive been wondering for a long time And you cannot get mad or leave then if she says yes ask her in front of your brothers unless there really young and you don't want them to see your mom upset coz it sounds like you all want to know the truth. If she tells you what you've hear alot tell her you would like To maybe have a visit with the counselor With her and the brothers The counselor doesn't tell anyone what you talked about and she doesn't butt in she lets you let it all out and makes suggestions Yes i know it sounds dumb and your friends will laugh but it helps to a point. Or ask her if YOU can see a counselor she will give you suggestions like above. Be sure to ask if You can have a she counselor because i wouldn't want a guy one lol I hope you figure this out or you might go to the school's counselor's office and ask to talk to Her/him. You might try e-mailing me for more help......

Answer 4

People get involved in adulterous affairs for various reasons, and maybe your mum is working through some issues of her own. some people like being with married men because even though they know they won't have them in the end, they think they'll be there for a long time and for some this is the closest to safey and comfort that some people will get. others like the dangerous passion and excitement. but it's no substitute for a healthy relationship. im finding it hard to believe that he is so open about his affair with his family and child. are you sure he's not separated from his wife? or divorced?

just be glad that your mom instilled good morals in you long ago and that you will be the one doing the comforting in the end, not being comforted for things you've done. for now try to put your concerns about your mom to the side and worry about your brothers and how they are feeling. encourage them to talk about things and not bottle things up. and you do the same, ok? it's sad that one person's actions affect so many others, but this is how life and families are. best of luck to all of you, our hearts are with you! xx

Answer 5

I think you are completely justified in being upset about this. She should be behaving better. It's hard for you to do much about the situation as she is free to live her own life but don't avoid telling her how you feel if it is bothering you. You could also ring a teenage counselling hotline such as childline or the samaritans if you feel you need someone sympathetic to talk to. This would probably be a good idea. They may well be able to offer you more useful advice than the untrained members of Yahoo answers. Hope your problems are resolved soon and stay strong.

Answer 6

Your mother is the adult in this situation and you may not know or have all the facts. Yes she is right to tell you to stay out of her business because who she dates or sees is her own business as she is the adult. I am not condoning what your mother is doing as I do not have all the facts about the relationship. There are some married couples that have open relationships just to save there marriage, others that refuse to get a divorce because of the children, financial reasons or property but continue to see other people.

So don't be stressed it is good that you know what is right and what is wrong and I hope that you can make good decisions in the future about relationships.

Married men/women always have a reason why they cannot leave their spouse and they keep the other person hanging on until they smarten up and some never do so I hope that your mother is not in this type of relationship and even if she is there is nothing that you can do to change her mind.

Answer 7

yes- you do have a problem, but it is understandable. first of all,you must understand that you really cannot control your moms life. even though what she is doing is wrong, you need to understand that she is an adult, older than you, and your parent.i am not suggesting that you should quietly accept what is happening to your family.but you must not put a wedge between you and your mom by harping on her. you will only cause her to aviod you in order to avoid a confrontation,or cause an all-out war, which will no doubt pull in your brothers too. this is hard for anyone to handle,especially someone as young as you, but besides being married,is there any danger to your mom? is he otherwise a decent guy? there may be things about his marriage that you are not aware of. this doesnt mean it is ok to cheat, but if mom is doing something that is immoral, but not dangerous, you need to let her know that you dont approve, but that you love her and respect her rights, and dont want to cause problems with her.that would be the worst thing that could come from this.and please- either treat this mans visiters that he sometimes brings with him respectfully, or try to aviod them altogether .your mom will resent you acting rude to them.and no- she is not choosing them over you and your brothers. im sure she already knows that you know the truth. best wishes to you and your family

Answer 8

Love can be the most complicated issue of all.

On the one hand love can be straight forward, tender and true;.....

And yet on the other hand it can be blind, unrequited, messy and tragic.

All you can really do is to express to your mother how you feel about the situation as you see it and hope that she can start to understand your love, fear and personal perspective.

Yes, let her know how much you disapprove of the situation but do it in as caring and understanding a manner as possible. After that, be there for her if and when the walls come crashing down but ultimately let go of the outcome, just know that you have done your best and let the final outcome unfold over time.

Answer 9

The best thing that you can do is attempt to talk to your mother, then you have to ask yourself something. Why do I have a problem with this? Your mother is grown. She should be able to pursue a relationship with a man if she wants. Now as for him being married I understand where that could be a problem but I would need to know what the cercumstances of his relationship with his wife are. Sometimes there is not a whole lot the children in such situations can do. I know that when my parents got divorced it made me angry. My mother got married to a "mixed" man the day after the divorce was final. I thought that it was wrong (I was eight years old at the time) and it took me a long time to accept him. Not only because he was "mixed". I am not racist or anything but I was eight and people were always asking questions. It was hard to deal with at times. This man was not my father but I realized that he made my mother happy and that it was important to her. As I grew up I learned to accept and love my stepfather. Things like this take time and your mother should talk to you about them.

Answer 10

First of all,Boogalou,what in the SAM Hill are you talking about???
I didn't see anything about a pregnant dog in this sad story..

Parents are suppose to teach by example.Your mom is setting a bad example here.Ask her how she would feel if you were seeing a married man.There is no future in seeing a married man.He will not leave his wife.And if by chance he did,she would never feel secure in a relationship with a cheater...If he gets tired of her,he'll go out with someone else behind her back too..You are a good daughter.You are trying to spare her from future pain,and if she can't see that,then I feel sorry for her..good luck sweetheart!

Answer 11

I would try and tell another trusted adult, maybe an aunt or your mom's good friend. Explain how stressed you and you siblings are about having this man around you and your home.

Just keep in mind, that you can't control what your mother does. Since, you are 16, maybe if he comes over, leave and go to a friend or family members house.

I wish you the best in this situation.