Is it normal/okay to hate your mother?

Question

Everybody always says "blood is thicker than water" and that "you only get one mother", and all that jazz - I'm wondering if there is something terribly wrong with me. I'm in my mid 20s and since about the age of 10 I've felt dislike and hatred towards my mother.

I don't really want to get into all of the reasons why, but she is very mentally abusive, ignorant, and hateful to everybody around her. She has no respect for anybody and emotinally behaves like a child.

I should probably be asking a shrink this question, but is it wrong of me to hate the woman that gave birth to me? Is there anybody else out there that feels negative emotions towards their mother?

Answer 1

You can certainly dislike her.
My mother is an emotional vacuum. Emotion was a taboo in my childhood. And talking of the taboo was even more taboo.
I think was about 8 or 9 when i promised myself i NEVER wanted to be like her. I left home just before my 13th birthday. I disowned her when i was 14.
Many years have passed. We thread very carefully now. She probably more so then me cause she knows i will walk out on her again.
It's a respect thing too though. Gotta have respect for your elders. So the trick is to find a balance between the two. The problem with balance is that it's give and take. And if it's only take you have the right to walk away.
Take care. Hope you sort it out.

Answer 2

I bet it was especially tough around the teen years in having a mother like that. I'm sure it was embarrassing at times and that has caused much damage. Your big enough to tell her how you feel now and you are old enough to make your own decisions. I dont' think telling her you hate her is going to make her happy though so I would suggest that when you do talk to her and she makes mean comments that you tell her that your sick of all the put downs and that either she needs to stop or you will have no other choice then to leave or hang up depending on the situation. Maybe ask her why she always has to be negative! Tell her your trying to make your life more positive and you no longer want to deal with negative comments ask her to STOP! Give her a chance to turn herself around. She probably has mental issues that have never been dealt with..she sounds like she is living an unhappy life. YOu may be the only person that can help her.

Answer 3

I would say it is normal. Everyone is different if everyone was the same and shared the same feelings towards everything this world would be very dull and boring. Just don't fully ignor her. At times be there for her show her you are the better person. I dislike my mother as well but when she got sick I was there for her. Don't let it eat at you she did you wrong so I would resent a mother that treated me poorly. Plus it is harder for a daughter to get along with her mother unlike a son. Sounds to me she wants to relieve her teen years and has no care in the world. Let her know exactly how you feel and walk away. Don't let her get the last words and it will make you feel better sould wise. It is ok to dislike someone but carefull about using the HATE word that is a very strong word.

Answer 4

Honestly, don't you hate it when people say you shouldn't hate your mother or parents because they most probably base your parents on their own. Sounds like she may have a rough upbringing herself and may be continuing the cycle by taking it out on you. How come you started to dislike her from the age of 10?....and where's the father? There are plenty of screwed up parents out there - take a look at The Jeremy Kyle show, Ricky Lake, Trisha, etc. I think your mother need to go to counselling herself. You are old enough to decide whether you want to keep in contact with her or not, and by how much (that if you are not living with her). Like Jerry Springer said "The way people treat you is down to how you let them treat you".

Some people choose to be not very pleasant at all, you just have to accept it and take them as they are. I've read some where, if possible, you could find the time and sit down have a chat and sort out your differences.

Answer 5

I do not know if your mother's personalities changed after you were born. Women go through postnatal depression after child birth. This can go on for along time too. It can be treated by expert doctor.
Or she came from a family where she was not too happy that reflex now in her life. She must have bottled up too much in her mind that now surfacing. Or she may start having early menopause. You have to find out what makes her do things like this than hate her. She may have been treated badly or there must have some reason for her feel or act this way.
Do not hate your mother. Talk to her and persuade her to go and see a doctor or take her to counselling.
Be a good son. Help her. It is a cry for help. She wanted to be noticed and want help.

Answer 6

I would say that it is not a good idea to hate your mother. Regardless of what mental disability she may have or whatever reasons she has for being unlovable, she need to be loved even more because love conquers all evil. And what do it solve to hate her? Scripture says that in the last days there will be mother against daughter and daughter against mother. Do you want to fall in that category? There is room for change for everyone regardless of how bad it may seem. She may seem like the worst thing that has ever walked this earth right now but somewhere inside she may not even like the way she is, neither do she know why she can't love. Some things run deep and personal that remains secrets for years and yet at the same time it eats away at that persons heart and they can't love anyone and no less love themselves. Unless she release her deep secrets that she may not tell to anyone due to shame etc she will always take it out on the person that is the closest to her. There is always a reason for everything. Who do she trust to talk to? It sounds like she is really struggling with her own demons. And you said that she behaves like a child emotionally. There! You may have some pieces to your puzzle. Maybe it all started during her childhood. Good luck!

Answer 7

yes I do, from about the same age as well, your situation sounds like the exact same as mine, I have been in theriepy for a long time over it, what I have learned is just because they are your parent is doesn't mean that they are atomatically good at it, chances are they have some real issues that are not even related to you, it never get easier just easier to understand and cope finally relising it before you have a child of your own and being the parent that you wanted is very healing(instead of repeating patterns) it is also hard to look at your child knowing all the love you have for him/her and not wonder why you did not get that, wern't you good enough or wasnt your mother thrilled to have such a presiouse creature in the child that you were? this is what I struggel with almost daily, so I preoccupy myself with being the best person /mother/wife/succsess I can be knowing that I did the hard work and self love to get there and that she was just a bump in the road that I had to climb over, I don't hate her any more I feel sorry that she lost out on the wonders that make life great, and that it is much worse to be her than a hurt me.

Answer 8

I don't think that it is okay to hate your mother but your mother has probably put you through a lot. I can understand. My first husband put me through hell when we were married. He mentally abused me and my children and I grew to hate him. He was an alcoholic and he did quit drinking but nothing changed. He was a dry drunk for years. I would go to bed at night and pray all the time that he would die. If he were dead then all my problems would be over with. We divorced after being married for 25 years.
Not long after we were divorced my ex got sick with cancer. He passed away in 2001. I didn't know that I had still cared for him until he died. I was so full of hate. All I did was dwell on how I could make him pay for the pain that he caused me and my children. I sometimes wish that we could have had a better relationship if only for my children. Do not wait until something happens to your mother to realize that you still love and care for your mom. I know that it's hard and I do understand.

Answer 9

I understand your problem growing up my mum was alot like that aswell no it isnt nice too hate your mum no it isnt right because for that same reason blood is thicker than water...but sometimes you cant help but hate some of te things they did too you as a child...

I didnt love my mum much when she was alive but when she passed away I realized that i didnt hate her i felt sorry for her.

One day you may or may not feel the same way.

no point hateing her because you cant change the things she did too you can you.except the way things happened and learn from it when and if you have your own children dont let the past take control in ur future...

hope this helps.

Answer 10

I understand completely what you are going through. Add alcoholism into the list for your Mom, and I have been there and done that. I am 37 and my mother just recently passed away in November of Cancer. It was just the last year that my mom and I finally came to terms with everything. I told her that I had a lot of bad feelings toward her for a long time, however I learned from it, and I did the complete opposite as a parent. She passed away on Nov. 28 2006, and for the last weeks of her life she had no idea who we were. On Thanksgiving Day, I just cried. When I was getting ready to leave, I just hugged her and said no matter what I do love you, I had just broke down in tears. It was like something snapped in her head, and she said she loved me too, and always had. She said it was going to be alright. Within a couple of minutes, the cancer in her head took over again, and she had no clue who we were. I had always hoped that she would try to make a change earlier in life, but it took her dying to make that change. Learn from it. Don't beat yourself up over it either. Just be sure to be honest with her, and let her know you will not tolerate any physical or mental abuse from her. Lead your kids in a different direction and be sure to change the pattern of your parenting. I hope your Mother chooses to change her ways before it's too late. You never know how much time you have.