He gets really paranoid when I talk to other men. Once when I went to a male friends house (someone I've known longer than my boyfriend) and he found out he went crazy. We split for a few days until he came round. Another incident occured when we were in a pub with friends and I was talking to another guy; my boyfriend went crazy and started a row in the middle of the pub. Yet he often goes out with his friends and their girlfriends and even gives the girlfriends lifts in his car. I'm not paranoid or suspicious so why is he? It really gets on my nerves and after one of his episodes it takes us ages to get back to normal and forget about it (I get snide comments for about a week) Anyone else have this problem? I've NEVER cheated on him and wouldn't dream of it but it's getting to a point where I feel like I have to justify why any male comes within 50feet of me and I don't think I should have to. I don't want to leave him, just need a way to reassure him.
2007-01-06 10:51:37 · 28 answers · asked by Rainbow-Taster 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This may sound rough but try the following: Tell him that you love him and want to be with him, but you are not willing to put up with jealousy scenes. Let him know that this kind of behaviour is not permited by you and will turn you away from him. Healthy relationships are based on trust and respect. He is not trusting or respecting you. He's going to tell you that he loves you so much that he can't stand seeing any other man near you, but let him know NOW that you will not tolerate this, this is not how you want to live like for the rest of your life. He may be a great and loving guy, but jealousy gets worst with time.
2007-01-06 11:01:04 · answer #1 · answered by Lila 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There could be a lot of reasons.
- He's not faithful and is willing to pick up other girls when you are not around. So, he feels you are doing the same.
- He has low self esteem.
- Did you do something for him not to trust you?
- What happen in his past relationship? Maybe he never got past them?
- Alot of guys don't care if a girl has a boyfriend or not and will try to take a girl away from a guy. girls do the same thing. Maybe he had this happen to him the past and now he's over protective??
My suggestion is talk to him and find out why he acts the way he does. However, from what you wrote discussing this matter with him is going to be extremely difficult. If you really love him try to work through his jealousy and find a solution to the problem. He doesn't want other guys around you. Then other girls should not be around him. Right!? If its good for you then its good for him.
Anyhow, with out really digging into the issues.. Sounds like he has some interpersonal conflicts. I suggest you talk him about his fits of rage and jealousy. If you two can not find a solution. Well, then it maybe time to part ways before his actions turn violent towards you.
2007-01-06 19:10:59 · answer #2 · answered by asgrafxx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I know you don't want to hear this, but you've got a choice to make. Either he changes or you change boyfriends.
You're not responsible for his insecurities and trying to will crush your soul. Seriously. This will not end well unless he changes, and only he can do so. It is not your job to accept punishment for whoever caused his insecurities at the root. In my experience, this doesn't get better unless or until the person figures out why they feel the way they do and make a conscious effort EACH TIME these feelings emerge to remind themselves that they are punishing the wrong person. Naturally, few people are capable of making this commitment without counseling.
Unless he makes concrete steps toward this fearless introspection and makes genuine progress, he will corrode your spirit. You must have the courage to protect yourself. His problem is his problem.
Tough situation. All my hopes. Been there, done that, got crushed.
2007-01-06 19:04:28 · answer #3 · answered by lmcbuilder 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lot's of people have "trust issues" Babe...but don't behave like this.
This sort of behaviour cannot be tolerated....fair enough if someone needs reasurring, then I'll do my best to give that, Trust however, takes a while to build up & is based more on experience rather than words another can give...
Your B/F shouldn't be displaying this kind of behaviour towards you or the friends you have or are yet to meet. Even if it were down to some kind of behaviour you were displaying towards him....causing him to feel jealous...he shouldn't be behaving this way, He should be telling you how he feels & then if things didn't improve he then has the option of leaving, which would be the appropriate way of dealing with it.
I feel this has more to do with control...especially as you say he has his friends which include females...
No! sorry sweetie...he'll have to go, it sounds to me as though he has some kind of personality disorder...some of which are treatable...some not.
Don't make the mistake here of being some kind of martyr who can somehow set things straight for him...he will need to get professional help I'm afraid.
You will need to cut your losses here & leave....if you don't...you could pay dearly for this....
2007-01-06 19:57:17 · answer #4 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he is being unfair for he can go out with his girl-friends and you don't have a porblem with it whereas you can't go out with any of your boy-friends. Also remind him that he is starting to get on your nerves and he is way too over-sensitive and that you would never ever dream of cheating either. Therefore, if there isn't trust in a relationship, then I'm sorry, it just won't ever work out as its only creating tension between the two of you. Or you can ask him to go to a psychiatrist(no offence. I'm serious on this) because he is probably suffering from an anxiety disorder.
2007-01-07 01:15:39 · answer #5 · answered by Clemence 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him or be controlled all your life. When they are like this they do not get better they get more controlling. Soon it will be other areas in your life he finds displeasing. He feels he is a man and a woman has her place and she has to be obedient to him.
He is only a boyfriend not your husband (thankfully) soon you will be scared of him. The longer you leave it the harder it will be for him to let you go he will be threatening you.
The signs are bad - get out before you become a statistical abuse victim and before he takes what ever confidence you have in yourself away. Saying you want to assure him is fooling yourself that he will lighten up. Argueing in a pub is hardly someone who cares about your sincerity.
Agony aunts spend a lot of time picking up the pieces of women like you who believe there is hope but it will not get better. Has he even got better yet from already talking to him? No, and will not either. Get out while you still have your self respect.
It is not about what he does it is about what he wants you to do. It is control. Do not be someone who should of said, why didn't I listen?
2007-01-06 18:53:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you love him, if you do, and that you would never dream of letting anyone else come between you. It sounds as if he is a very jealous kind of person and focuses his fears on what he doesn't want. That is his ultimate mistake. If you have another bust up tell him that he will end up driving you away if he doesn't start to exercise more trust and faith in your love for him.
Even the closest of people need space and cannot live in each others pockets 24/7. We are all on different PATHWAYS in life. Let him know that if he wants to stay in alignment with your path then he is going to have to exercise more trust, faith and belief in you.
2007-01-06 19:18:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it is time to evaluate your relationship. This kind of control issue is often a precursor to more abusive behavior. Ask yourself why you do not want to leave someone that is controlling and rude and disrespectful. Have enough respect and love for yourself to move on before you get hurt. Men like this will continue to control you until they can separate you from all of your friends and family and then a cycle of physical, verbal, and mental abuse can follow if it has not started already. If you don't feel strong enough to do this, talk to a counselor.
2007-01-06 19:07:09 · answer #8 · answered by $1200 mistake 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to justify why you talk to another man if you're not cheating on your b/f. Your b/f has a problem alright. He is very insecure. I'm sorry to say this will not change, no matter what you do. And, this is also one of the first signs of a controlling person. Be careful. If he is a controlling person, it will only get worse.
2007-01-06 18:59:41 · answer #9 · answered by Vida 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
look all man are different but they all carry in the same i was with a guy for 5 and a half years every day i would get accused of sleeping with other people even his father which was disgusting but all this time he was accusing me he was the one cheating (with my sister) so alot of guys do it because of guilty conscious but as soon as i started accusing him he stopped accusing me and started to defend himself and then pretty much we decided that we were going to stop all the crap and just focus on each other then a week later i found out about him and my sister and we broke up but i doubt your boyfriend would be cheating just start accusing him and see if he likes it i bet you he doesn't and he will stop accusing you just so you don't accuse him
2007-01-06 19:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by loza 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋