can some1 give me some kind of advice on how to encourage them that their own seperate beds are where they need to sleep? I have tried buying beds that they would like (my 6 yr old has a spongebob bed) I have sat with them in the room until they fall asleep- they end up getting up in the middle of the night and climbing in bed with each other.. pretty much at wits ends at the moment. I have also tried to put them in the same room (with a seperator up- but they can still see each other) no dice. Any insights?
2007-01-06 09:58:00 · 10 answers · asked by joan c 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
details added...
my ex and i are divorced over 3 years... this is not about my selfishness- more about the worry that my daughter is growing up and not getting the privacy she needs. I explain to them at least 1x every month that the divorce was not their fault, and that mommy isn't going anywhere... was more often when this first happend... or everytime its neccessary.
2007-01-06 10:29:16 · update #1
and they know that their father loves them very much too-- i tell them even when hes not able too.
2007-01-06 10:30:05 · update #2
They're doing it for comfort and love. I bet your daughter holds him, when he's sad.
I'm sure this has been a very trying time.
Let them "grieve" and work through this.
2007-01-06 10:01:11 · answer #1 · answered by kabmiller@verizon.net 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do you care so much??? There really is no advice, they are hurt and upset. For a 10 year old and 6 year old, it is very normal due to the circumstances. They probably feel that together they could talk about it and comfort each other. They might feel mad at you and their dad for divorcing, and thats very normal. Now they aren't able to see both of their parents all the time. Let it go, it's a tough time for them, and the phase will pass over time. The more you bring it up to them, the more they will feel like you are trying to upset them and will sleep together longer. Please - for your children's sake let them sleep together and let them comfort each other. I think everyone feels for your children right now. In a few weeks, you should probably take them together to a social worker without you in the room, and let them tell her what they are afraid of etc. This is the best I could do, but please read all your answers and please think about what's going on in your children's heads right now, what would you do if they were you? Think about it and MAKE SURE THAT THEY KNOW IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT FOR THE DIVORCE!!! VERY IMPORTANT, IF THEY MIGHT HAVE NOT LISTENED TO YOU, THEY MIGHT FEEL IS THEIR FAULT, ,MAKE THEY KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM AND THAT THEIR DADDY LOVE'S THEM AND YOU ARE STILL THEIR LOVING MOMMY, AND DADDY LOVES YOU VERY MUCH AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE!!!
Put asside your selfishness for a second and mention your ex-husband. Tell them he loves them. it won't be comfortable for you to say after a divorce, but for your children I think you could do it!
2007-01-06 10:22:02 · answer #2 · answered by cholimcenter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called insecurity. Something that they found security in has fallen apart. Where they used to find security in mom and dad, since that has fallen apart, now they can only find it with one another. Give them time, and besides, who says that they should sleep seperate? Especially right now. Divorce affects many people, regardless of the reason. To the children, mom and dad are not supposed to leave one another. Don't be surprised if for a while, they act different towards you. Good luck
2007-01-06 10:13:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for your children. Your divorce has hurt them making them cling to eachother for security because they can see that mommy and daddy are not together anymore.
If you go to church, go to your pastor for counselling. Your children are hurting. If not, see your PCP and have them refer you for counselling so that the divorce won't be so traumatic for them.
You cannot put a "time limit" on how soon they should get over your divorce. It may have been 3 years ago, but it was obviously so traumatic, and soul shattering that they still feel the need to cling to one another for security and support.
Your childrens spirit are still vulnerable. Eventually they will grow together in confidence. Stop worrying about the "privacy" and worry about the healing.
2007-01-06 10:02:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What is wrong with them sleeping together? The separation of a family is difficult especially on children. Right now they both probably miss their father immensely and that is creating a very strong bond. They may feel the only link they have to their father is each other.
2007-01-06 10:03:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let them sleep together. They are very insecure. They don't want to lose each other, subconsciously, they are afraid of this.
They will grow out of it eventually when they start feeling more stable and secure. Right now they are afraid because they are important to each other.
I don't see why you think it's such a big deal. What harm does it do? They obviously need it, right? They obviously can't sleep with you....so let them have this comfort.
2007-01-06 10:01:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well not knowing the reason for the divorce, they seem to really look to each other for security.they can understand each other on their level.If they continue to need to cling onto each other, you might want to consider asking a pediatrician about some counseling therapy to help them fell more secure so they can move on.
2007-01-06 10:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by dynamite136 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well are they involved with their father? do they want to be involved with him? if they are not involved and want to be maybe you should set up some sort of agreement with him and try to explain why you got divorced and get them to understand what you as a family are going through.
2007-01-06 10:08:43 · answer #8 · answered by elizacandle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-30 04:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is not much you can do they are scared, they have lose there father ,they don,t want 2 lose each other let it be they will grow out of it
2007-01-06 10:05:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋