hi everyone i'm really going mad here please help me out?

Question

i'm a 19 year old student, i left home last summer because i no longer get on with my grandparents and their son, my uncle is someone who i feel has many issues for example he gave his brother a wound which required stitches for drinking out of HIS cup, over the summer he threw me on the floor for sitting in HIS chair, he has never had a girlfriend and freaks out at the mention of sex, he once hung up on my ex deliberately because "i dont speak to your gf"yet we've caught him watching porn in the living room, anyway my grandparents constantly support him despite the fact he threatens violence recent examples include threatening me with the police for using my own video player which gave me and taking it to uni, and to beat me up for using HIS shower time and moving HIS toothbrush, and he insults myself and my mother and all of this is driving me mad its making me feel ill i stay up all night to be alone, when i sleep i don't get any rest i wake up feeling just the same i'm going nuts

please just give me some advice to make it through this

Answer 1

You did good by moving out. It sounds like your uncle is either mentally ill, or just wanted to make your life miserable. I don't understand what you want to get through. You already moved out. Just don't look back.

Get a life away from that weird family and treat people well. Don't use your uncle as a roll model.

You'll have a much happier life than him. Living well is the best revenge.

Answer 2

I'm assuming that you live with this uncle; you didn't come out and say so. If you are under the same roof as this person, you need to relocate yourself FAST! He obviously has some serious mental issues and is already threatening and showing violence. That is something to take very seriously as he's out of control. To get upset to the point that he does over menial matters is very abnormal. I would suggest trying to move in with another family member or friend and do so without even giving him notice. You don't know what his breaking point is. Even move into the YMCA if you have to for now! You can also call a mental health clinic and explain your situation and ask for advise as far as taking legal actions to protect yourself, but this is a very hard thing to get done since it's most likely his place of residence and the violence usually has to be proven first. I wish you luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that all of that his happening to you. You sound like you have your life on track with university and all. And this is creating blocks in your life. You did most of what you can do, and that's leaving home. Your uncle just has some extreme control issues that's stopping him from being happy. He should get some therapy and some anger management. That would help him and your family out. Ignore the put downs, that's just another way of his control issues coming out. And for everything else, don't let it bother you so much. He just needs some help, and it seems like he's a lonely man. Carry on with your business and don't let him stop you from doing what you have to do. Otherwise, he'll take over your life and get exactly what he wants.

Answer 4

You say you are a student so the first thought I had was to seek out your college/university counsellor. That way you can talk through things in a non-judgemental environment. None of this is your 'fault' all the issues are his but it has a knock on effect to you. It is good that you have moved out but you need just a little support for the emotional 'fall out'. You don't say if your mother lives in the same house as your uncle, but if she does it may help her to seek some emotional support through counselling too. If she doesn't then maybe her best option is to not visit your grand parents when he is at home.
What you are not doing is 'going nuts' but clearly you do care about your well being and that of your mother.
Your uncle needs professional help but he has to realise that for himself so, try not to focus on his needs but your own. You can and will survive this but it'll be easier if you can talk about it confidentally to a counsellor.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like abusive arrogant controlling behavior and it is always dangerous. It starts out as merely pushing people around, verbal abuse, etc. but it can excalate to extreme violence at some point if the person does not seek help. He is angry about something in his own life and you cant fix that, he has to do that himself. Your grandparents are part of the problem as they defend his behavior. They think they are helping him by doing this in reality they are making it worse. He needs to know that consequences for his actions exist. If he doesn't think they do then why should he stop and honestly if it continues he will have no conscience about it ethier and that is a scary thought. As for you, I think you did the right thing by getting out of there. You should try to get your mom out too if you can. Seems to me the only question here is your guilt about leaving. You cannot choose your family but it does not mean you have to accept the things they do either. This is what I would do, I would tell my grandparents that I love you but I refuse to visit or see you because I will not put myself in an abusive environment. SInce you do not seem to think there is a problem but I do; I think its best for all if I just dont come around. If sometime in the future you do see the problem and fix it, I will glady come to visit you. They will at least know why you arent visiting them and what can they say, they cannot tell you how to feel. But make no mistake about this; if you think your mom or grandparents are in danger in any way. Do something about it, do not wait. You will only regret not doing something about it after it is too late. Remember guilt about leaving is one thing, guilt about not stopping something terrible from happening if you could have is another.

Answer 6

I am not sure where you are staying now, but darling, you made the right decision to get out. Please keep away from this man at all costs. Obviously you want to keep in contact with your grandparents and the rest of the family BUT it must be away from the house. You are your own person, but I think if it was me, and he laid a hand on me again I would press charges. It is probably a matter of time before he is aggressive to your Grandparents or your mother. They all sound as though they are in denial, YOU ARE NOT.....do not think that you are mad, you are the only sane one. If his violence is increasing...please keep an eye on him for the sake of your family. This man.......animal!....needs to be taken out of society. Good luck and please take care.

Answer 7

Honestly, you need to speak with a professional therapist to sort things out. You have apparently left a bad situation but cannot let it go, and I assume some other things are going on in your life, too. Seek a professional. There are clinics you can visit that do not cost a bundle and they can work out a payment plan. Do it, as you have MANY ISSUES!

Answer 8

honey that sounds awful clearly he has a lot of issues and sounds dangerous.i think the best thing for you to do is distance your self from the whole situation.and dont dont dont take on any blame or guilt this is not your fault . as hard as it is to say id make a clean break . try and star your life over and put this all behind behind you as for having trouble sleeping, sweety go and see a concealer you need to understand none of this is your fault and you need to work threw your issues about the situation
i wish you good luck

Answer 9

Don't take this abuse laying down,report him to police. The other way seek counsling to get help. Try to be independent, find work where you don't have to live with him. You are doing him a favor if you report him. Make sure to go to school as soon as possible. Try to move away far from him.

Answer 10

Is there anyway for you and your mum to get out of there, find somewhere else where you its just the two of you ? You are right, your uncle needs some sort of help because he doesn't sound right in the head at all. It sounds like he has some sort of OCD but you and your mum are at risk if you continue to stay there...