I am going to basic training this summer and will be gone for both basic and AIT for 20 weeks and three days and I was talking to a friend of mine who just told me that he loves me and hopes that we can get into a relationship, I am going in active duty and I probably won't come back to the state that I am living in for a while and I want to live on base but you can't live with someone on base unless you are married, so I would never be able to see him.. I feel for him too but there is just so much that will hold us back, should I try it or not?
2007-01-06 07:39:59 · 18 answers · asked by kalynn h 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Basic training and technical school are hard enough without worring about a loved one far away. Your new environment is going to provide tons of interaction with new people and personalities. Unless you totally isolate yourself, you're going to interact and make friends with people. Do you tell your "friend" back home? This only creates jealousy.
Let's say you do get married. Are you going to be concerned with what your spouse is doing while your in BMT or tech school. There are too many opportunities "while the cat's away". I'm not saying that this is going to happen, but I've seen many occurances.
Do yourself a favor, stay single, keep in touch, be each other's best friend. Wait atleast until you get to your first assignment. You can assess the situation better when you get there. Who knows, you may be someone who is deployed a lot. You won't know until you're settled in. If this guy truly loves you, he'll wait.
As for living on base...well, if you're single, you'll be living in the dorms (on base). If you're married, unless you have kids, you don't want to live on base. Trust me.
Good luck.
2007-01-06 08:51:25 · answer #1 · answered by bugssmith_16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough situation, and congratulations to you for trying to sort it out before you make any life-long decisions. I feel for you - it's not every day that someone says 'I love you' and it's hard to ignore this kind of plea. But I do think that you have made a big decision already by joining the military - a HUGE decision, and one that will take a lot of getting used to. I think you'd be taking on too much by also getting married. You still have a number of months before you begin your basic training, so give yourself the time to build the relationship with this person. If it's a strong relationship, it will last over the months (maybe years) and you can still find ways in which to see each other. Remember too that when you do come back, you can think about marriage then, but not now.
I think you have a good heart and will make the choice that suits you best, but remember that this is your life.
2007-01-06 16:28:18 · answer #2 · answered by johngreenink 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a very tough decision to make, I'm in the Army reserves now, but I was active for 4 years and getting ready to go back active after my wedding this month but long distance relationships are hard. The biggest question is, do you love him as well? I don't think that he is trying to control you i think he is just expressing what he didn't have the nerve to do before. Now that you are leaving he knows that you will probably find someone else and forget about him. If you both feel the same way, i think that you should date before you leave and if it works out try to keep things going and it may turn into something more serious. whatever happens, things happen for a reason.
2007-01-06 22:42:06 · answer #3 · answered by junior85323 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work on YOUR future first. The military will give you a solid groundwork that will serve as the foundation of the rest of your time on earth.
If this realationship is meant to be, then your time in training and service away from home for several years will not chill the ardor. And if it does, then this relationship was not meant to be.
It's one thing to make sacrifices for people we love and care for, it's an entirely different thing to give up our life's ambitions for them.
Once you get to your first duty station, it's not that you won't be able to see him at all assuming that you are posted in the US. You can still visit on leave or he could even move to the area where you are stationed. Sure, you won't be able to live on base if you're not married (and might not be able to even if you are!) but you won't be barred from leaving the base (unless you seriously screw up) so you'll still be able to see each other almost daily if that's what you both want.
Take care of YOU first. Everything else will follow in good time once you do that.
2007-01-06 15:56:37 · answer #4 · answered by Bostonian In MO 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was practically engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years when I joined the Army. I joined for myself. I knew that I had to do something for myself. He was leaving on a 2 year Morman mission and I joined the Army. He was mad, but we never did stay together. He is now married to another woman and I am married to someone else too. Do what you feel is right for yourself. If you are very young, like 18. You should live your life the way you want too. Don't let a guy hold you back. Best of Luck and thank you for joining the service.
2007-01-06 16:54:25 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.. dont even waste your time. I say both of you live your life and when you get out, try it then.. My marriage was ruined due to constant deployments and never being able to see her.. It's a ruff life and you dont need to be constantly worrying about back home. Do both of you a favor and see other people until that sweet day when you can be together again.
2007-01-06 15:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by theherofails 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do what you have to do for yourself - no sense in getting into something with someone then you or him fine out that you can't handle it - if you go overseas (hopefully not to war) you will be gone for about a year - you should get about 30 days after training if you are. and about two weeks if you stay in the states
2007-01-06 15:48:23 · answer #7 · answered by Big Daddy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go with your heart. If you really do like him and he really likes you, and you feel like itll work out and perhaps marriage will come out of it. Then you should do w/e you need to do. If its meant to be it wont matter how much time your foced to spend apart. If he isnt willing to do w/e it takes and you dont think its worth a try or if you arent ready to try then leave it alone. Like I said, if its meant to be. He'll be there when you have more time for one another.
2007-01-06 15:52:11 · answer #8 · answered by ImaPsycYouOut 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is more important to you? Having a relationship with him? Or having your military career? You'll have to choose between them. Trust me,long distance/term relationships are not easy or much fun for anyone! Good luck!
2007-01-06 15:54:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you TRULY LOVE him, then I would say switch to the reserves. It is pretty much guaranteed to fail if you go active. In the reserves you can get the best of both worlds, and if you choose to later on you can switch to active. The only problem is you might not be able to get the job you want. But that shouldnt be a big problem if you love him.
2007-01-06 15:45:13 · answer #10 · answered by Curt 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋