What else can I try to get my daughter potty trained?

Question

My daughter is three now and she needs to be potty trained as soon as possible because she should be going into the preschool room at her daycare: no diapers allowed.

We have used a reward system, a potty star chart, and tons of other things. She hides to poop and lies about doing it.

Last week I decided enough is enough and I let he pick out panties and during the day she wears only them. She has been doing really well with peeing in the potty- only 1 accident- but she still poops a tiny bit in every pair of panties I put on her. I put her in a diaper for nap and bed time and she will hold her poop (except for the tiny bit that comes out all the time) until she has a diaper on.

So, what now? What can I do to get her to use the potty. I'm not sure if putting her to bed in panties is a good idea because I don't think she'll wake up to pee and I'm afraid I'll have a tough time cleaning her mattress?

And advice?

Answer 1

Have patience with her. Remember that its a process. Point out and make a big deal when she makes it to the bathroom. I would jump and scream and clap and give my kids lots of hugs and high fives. Your daughter will revert to wetting her pants and pooping in her pants when you put diapers on. Take the diapers and pull-ups away completely, even at night (avoid water or liquids right before bedtime.). If your daughter does have an accident during the day she will not like to feel wet and itchy. Point it out to her by saying, "I bet it feels yucky to be wet. Your legs must feel itchy with that pee on your legs.." In order for her to learn not to have any accidents she must experience how uncomfortable it is. A diaper or pull-up I'm sure its less hassle for you to clean up and more comfortable for your daughter. The same at night. It will probably take a couple of accidents at night to know how uncomfortable it feels to be wet and cold. Point this out and tell her what she can do so she can feel dry (go to the potty) .

Answer 2

I have five children and learned early, that it is no use forcing the issue. They will use the potty when they are ready, not when we are. Your daughter has to learn about her body and how to control it on her own. You may need to find another daycare or some other option till ~she's~ ready.

You have already started a battle of wills that will not accomplish what you want. She's hiding and lying at three. Not what you want.

Take some pressure off of her, start fresh, and let her control this.

This is one of the hardest things that parents can't face, cause we really do not have control over this. I know it is hard and inconvenient, but face it, you can't control her body. She has to be ~willing~ to.

The most you can do is be excited and reward her, be an example. Always be positive when she's good and disappointed when she's not, but don't push, she'll just push back.

Patience, prudence and perseverance.

If she is holding her stool, this is not only a concern for constipation, but also the beginning of bad habits. I would put her back in diapers for a bit and begin a while later when she shows more interest in using the potty.

My first three children were potty trained between 3 and 4.

When we first started talking about the potty and big girl panties with my four year old, she said she wanted to stay a baby and wear diapers. (she has a baby sister, younger siblings can cause regression)

Now she's getting more interested in it and is using it more often. I wish her sister (she's two) was closer to being ready, she goes in and sits with my four year old, but she just doesn't understand why yet.

Night time is another issue altogether. Take baby steps, climb one mountain at a time. She doesn't need the stress and neither do you.

I am sure your girl will take off soon in pretty panties and be proud. And I am absolutely certain she'll be using the potty before she goes to college ;o)

Answer 3

I have two girls 13 and 16. memories:) I think what you are doing is the right thing to do. Go and get a mattress cover for the bed. She might not like but explain to her that it will have to be there until she can show you that she will not have any accidents. When she has an accident show her how much trouble it is to clean and get her to help you. My girls where fine from the first day I put panties on them. BUT my son on the other hand, had problems until he was about 6 years old. That when he started having friends stay over. For some it may take a while. Just praise her alot when she doesn't have any accidents. you being happy might be the thing she needs for herself to stop.

Answer 4

I'm with PBnJ on this, I've worked in daycare and as a nanny and have toilet trained loads of kids, so be assured that this is common, you're not the only one in this situation. I've used.. 1) A reward system like the one descibed above, use stickers every time she goes on the potty and every 5 or 10 stickers she gets a little treat (like a new book or ice-cream), then a bigger treat after 50 (you can change how many she needs to suit your own situation, but you get the general idea) The big treat is something like an afternoon picnic in the park, it works best if the big treat is somewhere she'll have to use the potty cos then you can say she has to prove she can do it before you can go. 2) Have you tried cutting out the potty altogether and getting her to use the toilet? As she is a little bit older, maybe she would feel like a big grown-up girl using the toilet? Buy her one of those packs of kandoo toilet wipes, some fancy smelling handwash and a special hand towel, but she only gets to use them if she goes on the toilet. If you take her with you to get "her special things" she'll probably be more interested in using them. Make sure they're only for her - don't let the rest of the family use them. 3) Like PBnJ mentioned, you could try not giving her any attention when she goes in her pants. You don't say if it's just wees or poops or both, but I had one little boy who did both in his pants and refused to use the toilet/potty. In the end his mom decided to leave him in them (not for long, you don't want her to get a sore bottom cos that's a whole different set of problems!), say for 20 minutes or until she come and tells you. Don't make any fuss, just take the wet ones off, clean her up and give her clean ones to put on herself. If you can manage not to speak to her during this it's more effective. This method works in two ways - she'll be uncomfortable but also won't get any attention from you. I know it's frustrating, but keep at it, she'll get there in the end :o)

Answer 5

Honestly, I think it might be too soon and forcing her only starts a battle of the wills--and it looks like she's winning at the moment. My son is three, too, and pees in the toilet before he goes to bed--sometimes--but won't use it at any other time of the day. He's always hated being changed, especially when he's pooped, for some reason and will actually get so wet that even his socks are soaked if we let him. I figure that he will start using it when he wants to and until then, he'll fight me every step of the way. Is it at all possible to find another daycare that allows diapers until she's ready?

As to kitty's advice: my son would like nothing better than not to be changed and to keep the poop in his pants all day along with being soaked. I agree that she's manipulating mommy, but that doesn't work all the time.

Answer 6

Here is an almost foolproof method. And by the way, it's usually boys who are into this, not girls. Anyway, when she goes in her panties or diapers leave her IN them! I know this will be unpleasant for you (the odor), but think how unpleasant it will be for HER! She is manipulating you, dear. I guarantee when she has to spend a day in a loaded diaper, she will get the message that she had better shape up. In addition, if she doesn't and the other kids start laughing at her, she will soon stop her manipulative behavior. She will not want to suffer the embarassment in front of her peers. It's YOU she has on the run, and she is loving every minute of it! Beat her at her own game! I can almost gurantee success with this method. And if this doesn't work, then I suggest you get her to the pediatrician pronto, and he or she can suggest a behavioral therapist. This is about manipulation of the parent. And the person below me claims her son would not mind spending time time in loaded diapers. When a child is laughed at and ridiculed by other children (their peers), they generally change their behavior. And if they don't, something upstairs in the mind is going on and you need to get the child examined! And remember that some here who are answering you are kids who haven't a clue about babies, potty training, and all the rest. They think they do, but until you actually go through it, you haven't a clue!

Answer 7

Man do I know how you feel! My daughter was 3 when she potty trained. She did well going pee, but she would freak out when she would go poop (she screamed and cried and called them snakes). First of all, buy a plastic mattress cover to protect your mattress. They have ones that completely cover the mattress, top and bottom. My daughter would go hide and poop in her big girl panties. She was not regular so I couldn't just sit her on the potty when it was almost time to go. I know this sounds harsh, but I read about this somewhere, I had to use suppositories and sit her on the potty. It only took a couple of times and she started going on her own and I never had any other problems. Good luck!

Answer 8

Have you talked to her doctor.
Sometimes, kids don't develop the muscles by the time we think they "should".
If her muscles aren't ready or able to hold it in, then it is an impossible task and only makes the two of you frustrated.
I am concerned about the "tiny bit that comes out all the time" part.
It just seems to me that there is something else happening and she really should be seen by her pediatrician... call it mommys instinct...
Let her sleep in the Goodnites diapers. They aren't like "diapers" more like big girl pants. It will save you the hassle and her the embarrassment.
Good luck. It sounds like you are a great mom, don't let societies pressures dictate what is right for you or your child.
Just love her!

Answer 9

Lay down a plastic sheet (shower curtain) under her sheets. If she has an accident, it's not going to mess up her mattress. Don't put the diaper on at nap-time for a while, slowly working your way to night-time. If she's gotta go poo, she has to chose whether to go in her panties, or to go to a potty.
Good Luck!!

Answer 10

don't put panties on her to go to bed, that mattress will stink and so will her room. i think this is a normal part of potty training. she will ruin panties and test your patience. just keep trying she will get it.