This week is my 5-year relationship anniversary with my boyfriend, but we don't have any plans. We get along well, but our relationship is stale. He seems to think there is no problem, even though I tell him often that I would like us to do more together (have a picnic, go for a drive, ice skating, bowling, scrapbooking, etc.). I have a lot of interests but all he seems to want to do is see an occassional movie or play videogrames. I don't mind doing those things, but not at the expense of everything else. He often complains that I'm "not in the mood" enough, and I ask him how I'm supposed to be in the mood when all he wants to do is sit around and never do anything mentally or emotionally stimulating. What gets me is how people think sex is a MUST in a relationship but when a woman wants romance, she's told she should just appreciate what she has (because otherwise, my bf is a GREAT person). Can anyone relate/give tips or opinions? Thanks.
2007-01-06 06:32:06 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm enjoying reading all your answers. You guys have some great ideas I will defintitely use. I really appreciate them. Thank you!
2007-01-06 06:44:30 · update #1
I hope you find an answer here, cause I have the same issues. We don't do much together and when we do, it's what he wants. I don't know why they don't understand it's a give and take thing. We do things we don't really want and they need to also. Maybe he will realize it's not so bad to do something. Why don't you make a picnic lunch and put it in the car without his knowing, tell him you have a surprise planned and go for a drive somewhere secluded. Take a blanket to eat on and some candles. See how he responds to that. Good luck.
2007-01-06 06:38:52 · answer #1 · answered by Liz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have the answer in your question. Mental and emotional stimulation. As for the sex in any relationship, I wonder how it can stimulating without the romance. Time spent together and simply talking can be very romantic at times. On the other hand, taking my wife out to a nice dinner or chick flick is something that sparks her romantic side. However; for the both of us, the romance between us is inspired by the fact that we think of each other throughout the day and let each other know. A phone call just to say "I love you." An email telling her how beautiful she is. Sending her a card when I am away or even when I am at home. Leaving little love notes strategically placed for her to find unexpectedly. Little inexpensive gifts for no reason at all; other than to let her know how much I love and appreciate her. A picnic at the park or a walk through the woods. Sitting on the couch and holding hands. Doing these things without expectation has led us to a more satisfying marriage; mentally, emotionally, physically and yes sexually. Good luck and best wishes on your inspiration and yes!, definitely keep the romance alive!!
2007-01-06 15:11:40 · answer #2 · answered by 4kids2pay4 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, if your are having problems now, don't get married. Your relationship is a preview of what is to come. Getting to the romance thing. Men sometimes need some assistance in the romance department. They think that sex should satisfy everything. Well, you are probably going to have to initiate the romance part. Invite him over for a private dinner at your place and set the mood. If you like candles then make sure you have enough of them so that you don't need to use the lights. Have his favourite meal prepared. Prepare the bedroom as well, with scented candles and make sure you look exquisite. If you want you can even buy some toys to play with in the bedroom or role play. You take control. Men usually like this. Be care-full enjoy yourself and make sure that this relationship is fulfilling your life the way you want it to. If the answer is no, u know what to do. If there are just simple problems that can be fixed, then fix them and enjoy each other to the fullest. Life is to short. Today we are here, but tomorrow is not promised to no-one.
2007-01-06 14:45:42 · answer #3 · answered by bonbonsitodulce 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the imitative without planing with him! Set up a picnic on his day off, take a bottle of wine, a good book to read to him, some music for dancing and go to a remote spot free of distractions so that you have all of his attention. Enjoy a couple of hours alone snuggling, reading, dancing and maybe be risky and do the sex outdoors thing! It works for my wife and I! Hope this helps.
2007-01-06 15:02:29 · answer #4 · answered by Lonnie F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol im with you. my bf of 3 yrs stoped the going out and doing things and just wanted to stay home and watch movies or play video games all the time and then wanted some and i wasnt willing long story short i told him if he wanted any he would have to take me out at least 2 times a week just little things like a walk or camping and he didnt for about a month and finally his other head said what are you doing and he wised up and we do things all the time if he loves you and wants some he will wise up. dont settle cuz every one says well thats how guys are they have a head they can use it if they want
2007-01-06 14:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by marynew8 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a temporary fix.
Tomorrow make him a nice breakfast. Then tell him that if you two go do something -say ice skating- you will give him a night to remember.
After that you see some changes since he'll see the advantages of going out more.
2007-01-06 14:34:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your pretty flexible and have set a standard he's comfortable with.
TELL HIM WHAT YOU NEED! If you don't, don't expect a change. You could live the rest of life like this or make changes. Just don't expect him to automaticly change. He can only change if he wants to out of love.
Since you're not married, think about how you want the rest of your life to be, NOW!
2007-01-06 14:38:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋