My husband's daughter and children have recently come into our lives.She has not guided these eight and ten year old boys, but allowed them to be on their own because she always has something better to do on the computer or watch tv. These children have no manners, no respect. The are like having wild animals in the house. My husband is tutoring one of them and I am having difficulty having these kids around me. I am quite angry at myself for not being able to love these boys, but they are soooo unloveable. I need some suggestions, please.
2007-01-06 05:41:37 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
With open arms.............................
They've been brought your way for a reason.......
I always feel like I meet people or someone shows up at my door because they were meant too.
These children need you and your positive guidance's.
Your wisdom and knowledge will only help them to be better people.
Breath....and Breath......knowing that anything that you can give them will only benefit them.
Hats off to your hubby for tutoring them....as time goes on they to will learn that you have rules and what respect is.
Best wishes
2007-01-06 06:02:27 · answer #1 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that the best advice I coud give you is to just let your guard down, and let your resentment fade away, obviously it isn't their fault at all for whatever happend before, you don't seem to have a problem loving your husband do you? I'm not sure what the situation was but it seems as is your step daughter doesn't know how to raise children according to you, maybe instead of standing around being so angry about them being there, use that time to show them how to be better well mannered children, help them clean around the home, garden, cars, teach them things that you like to do, if they dont like it then do get after them, but not in a way that could hurt them, they do not know better they were just not raised right, thats what I would do, I think by doing this and helping them it would eventually lead to you getting closer to them, of course things do not occur overnight, just give it time. Good luck and remember, they're just kids.
2007-01-06 06:49:30 · answer #2 · answered by Summer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have all the equipment necessary to be a grandma. Most grans don't believe the children are being raised properly. Comes with the territory!
Have rules for your house; enforce them. Stop judging the mom. Children often behave contrary to their upbringing. They will always challenge limits outside the home. I teach, so I know. Don't assume their behavior is a reflection on the parents. It might be, but then that is the way they are, isn't it? Accept them for who they are and try to bond through common interests. That's what I have to do every day to earn my living. Our common interest being I need to educate them at the level I teach. If I get wrapped up in their behavior and what they SHOULD be like, I'd never get it done. Learn to pick your battles! Ignoring poor behavior and reinforcing the good with praise and more attention does work.
Good luck.
2007-01-06 06:19:00 · answer #3 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is more about these kids than what meets the eye, you just have to be willing to find out on your own. Get close to them, it sounds like they need someone to love them, regardless of how they act, because that is a issue there parents never cared about. It's not there fault they have no manners. I know you are only a step grandma, but you should treat them as if they were really your grandkids and teach them what there parents haven't. It all starts with a hug.
2007-01-06 05:49:35 · answer #4 · answered by tricksy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh come on, these are his grandchildren you knew they came with the package, some of mine are not so great either but I love them even the one who called me a F-ing B. once before. My God they are children and please don't let your husband know. Just correct them when they need it they will soon learn and your husband's newness around the children will wear off and he will correct them too and start telling his daughter about them and how they don't mind. My husband did and I jumped right in there and became grandma.
2007-01-06 06:21:08 · answer #5 · answered by livlafluv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try reminding myself that the children are not the ones to blame, they lack discipline and that is not their fault. Almost any child will become like that if they are not taught any better. At age 8 and 10 it is not too late for someone to teach them respect and manners. Of course it will be a time consuming mission and you will have to consistent, but remember children are not born with manners, respect, and discipline, they have to be taught.
L.
2007-01-06 05:46:33 · answer #6 · answered by tink3610 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously from your confusion you have so much love in your heart
to give and don't know how to get started.
Please don't be angry at yourself, it these children are as you
describe them it's going to take a lot of work and patience to
turn them around.
Always remember children are innocent souls and they only do
as they see, so with that you can change them around by doing
so many positive things with them such as involving them at first
in the most simplest task such as setting the dinner table, asking
them not demanding. Put a littlle love in your words.
Reading a bedtime story to them, and tucking them in kids
remember all this, and will respond. Take them food shopping
2007-01-06 05:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Possibly with you and your husbands guidance, love and patience these boys will come around. You have to remember it is not their fault it is how they have been raised. There is still hope for them. My husbands kids were very unruly when i met him, staying up till all hours, having fits etc. It just took a loving hand. These kids are probobly starved for attention. Don't give up on them, in time you will grow to love them.
2007-01-06 05:49:48 · answer #8 · answered by chemky1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your house your rules. If they are going to stay then everyones comfort should be seen to. Including yours. Instil your own form of discipline. Either she goes with it or she gets out.
Its not the children's fault they are how they are. Its the parent for not teaching them their boundaries.
So if you plan on being uncomfortable in your own home so that you dont step on anybody's toes then fine, go ahead, let them run wild.
But I would teach those boys that in my house they obey my rules. If she's a mature woman she will agree.
As for the boys and you loving them. Remember they are just misguided kids. Set them straight and trust me you'll see the finer points in them and come to love them too.
2007-01-06 05:49:48 · answer #9 · answered by Carrie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Set up rules for them to follow. If they are eight and ten years old then they can follow rules. If they disobey the rules then determine what an acceptable punishment would be for them (i.e. no tv for a week, etc.). Maybe with more structure in their lives they will mellow out and it will be easier for you to enjoy them. Good Luck!
2007-01-06 05:46:03 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋