Her ex-boyfriend took her Christmas shopping and then to a bar. She told me she was going with him a couple of hours before I left for work and not to worry about it because they are just good friends. She called me at work that night to tell me not to worry if she wasn't there when I got home. My initial reaction was sickness, the smell of her perfume lingering in the bedroom when I came home made my stomach queasy. I really didn't enjoy Christmas that much this year because I had a hollowing out feeling in my stomach. I wanted to react go out with another girl as friends to show my fiance how she made me feel... I wouldn't, you don't hurt someone you love that way. Since her and I started dating he managed to ask her to spend the week with him at his place... she asked me if I'd mind??? I said, "How would you feel?" She said, "She wasn't thinking." This is very upsetting... she was going to his family's the day after they went out together but she blew him off. What do I do?
2007-01-06 05:37:05 · 23 answers · asked by believeitbeit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i would say get some professional pre-marriage counseling
a professional counselor will be able to help u sort through this and decide if u really should get married
2007-01-06 05:40:26 · answer #1 · answered by coolpotatoeslive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Back off the engagement. Neither of you is ready. The fact that she still needs attention from other men tells me that she is not ready. The fact that you thought of retaliating by doing the same (even if you didn't) tells me you are not ready to constructively resolve problems that WILL surface in any marriage.
Give yourself time to mature more. Saying you are immature is not an insult, but rather a fact of life. We all mature differently at different times. You have not reached a level of maturity that would enable you to enjoy a healthy marriage.
Enjoy dating a while longer. A few years from now you may be ready for commitment at this level and know how to judge character better to find someone who deserves the care and attention you crave to give.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-06 13:47:43 · answer #2 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I am speaking from experience. This a bad situation and you need to end it. It feels like you insides are cut out and laid out on the kitchen table for everyone to see. I experienced this deception many years ago with a fiancee i had. we met in another state that she was from and she said she was married before but it had ended a long time ago. I was in love with her and clearly not thinking. left a decent job and moved in with her. Turns out her ex lived in the same complex..damn and I had moved and everything. one thing led to another and I got hurt. got in my car and left that skank *****. This guy knows what he is doing and so does she. You should end this now before the pain becomes much greater. And dont bang her anymore. that will make your decision that much harder when you have to make it. Even if you grow to really dislike her your emotional connection to her will keep you from making the right decision. you have to leave her and cut off all contact ASAP. the best advice I can give you coming from experience
2007-01-06 13:47:09 · answer #3 · answered by miller4000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Getting a funny feeling in your stomach is a bad sign, confront her and tell her it's too much. Don't hide your feelings out of fear of overreacting, it is how you feel about it and if you plan to marry you can't just avoid every subject that comes up.
She should have more decency than to hang out with her ex on Xmas when she's ENGAGED!! I would understand if you're just dating but it's official between the 2 of you. Talk to her and if she thinks you're overreacting then think about what you're getting into.
2007-01-06 13:45:37 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Surrender 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi dude
sorry to hear what happened...i can understand how u feel...its clear she is at fault, but u got to think what pulls her to him so much even after their break up .....and after gettin engaged to you...i think u r just a nice guy and wanna be like that...and probably u love her a lot.....u fear if u try to restrain her..she might go away is that right?
i think u should fix a suprise dinner and buy her a nice gift and treat her nice....make her feel all she needs is you....and u can give her all the happiness...
the other plan i suggest is to make friends with her ex boyfriend...invite him for a drink.....just treat him right....ans ur girl will be all urs....she will realise how mature ur thinking is....
no matter what happens dont let her know it affects u too much...but do tell her u trust her and love her with all ur heart...
all the best my friend....
rg
2007-01-06 13:50:49 · answer #5 · answered by rg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, congratulations!
Second, a relationship is built on trust. If she hasn't done anything but be a good friend to him, you have no reason to worry. Show trust in her and she should do the same for you. Talk to her and nicely and tell her how much it upsets you, she will understand.
2007-01-06 13:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by Kevin A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, I am so sorry to tell you this but you need to get that ring back love is so blinding to the eye. You need to open your eyes maybe they are good friends but if that is your wife you guys turn into one and you should be all she needs. If she cant understand that then that is a bad start already. Tell her how you feel and if she doesnt care than bounce.
2007-01-06 13:58:32 · answer #7 · answered by TRA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand exactly where you're coming from.
Before me & my husband wed, i had lots of guy friends and i felt it was ok to continue to hang with them even though i was engaged.
My husband(then fiancee) explained to me how it made him feel, and although it was hard, i eventually cut off my other male companions. After all, Marriage is about sacrifice, My husband is my best friend and i don't feel the need anymore to have "outside" male friends.
Sit her down & let her know exactly how you feel, If your fiancee truly loves you, and she knows that it makes you uncomfortable, she should be willing to cut off that relationship with her ex.
After all, she wouldnt like it if you did the same.
Wish you the best.
2007-01-06 13:46:24 · answer #8 · answered by Mommy of 3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like the real relationship is between him and her, and you're just part of some arrangement they previously made. I think you're being had. Try this... be a friend and tell her if she ever wanted to get back with him, you would understand. Then, listen very, very closely.
2007-01-06 13:45:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whew...You had me worried up until you said she blew him off...
She seems to just have a closeness to the ex-. As long as she's not fooling around, it should be ok...
UNLESS...you can't accept that. In which case, your fiance needs to be sensitive to YOUR feelings and drop her old life for the new one. IF she can't do that, then there's no other choice...you two are not compatible.
2007-01-06 13:41:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they went xmas shopping for you and she just needed a guys opinion. I don't quite understand why a woman would agree to marriage if she didn't really love the guy. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. People remain friends with their exs often.
2007-01-06 13:41:24 · answer #11 · answered by JC 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋