Boy troubles. I know it's cliche but...?

Question

I have been dating my BF for about 4 months. He is 3 years older than me: I am a freshman, he is a senior (he was the one to ask ME out).

To win my heart over he did many things including sweet love poems, flowers, etc. and continued with those up until recently.

Lately though, he has isolated himself from me at school and it's hard to make conversation with him in person. However, he still talks to me on AIM.

I love him tremendously and remind him many times a week but recently I've noticed something is wrong, he seems lost and upset. His best friend and I try and talk to him with little success. He denies he is different and that anything is wrong.

My friends think he may be trying to isolate himself NOW so he doesn't have to do it in the summer when he goes off to college. What do you guys think?

Answer 1

that's very possible.....and your situation....sounds exactly like my situation with my boyfriend.....just to give you an idea of how i cope with it i'm going to tell u the basic story....

my boyfriend is also a very sweet guy...he was a gentleman...held the door for me...wrote me sweet notes....etc....and all that was just fine and jolly until about 5 or 6 months into our relationship...when he started getting periodically depressed...sorta like male pms....at first it used to make me really sad.....he was depressed on his birthday and he refused to do anything and just wanted to sleep...so i just dropped by his house to give him his present........he was even so depressed on christmas that he didn't buy anyone (including me) a present
all of this basically started after he started getting severe knee pain....he's a runner...so that's not very good for him.....he would still get on aol....which your boy is doing too so i would tell you that it means he really does care....since he wants to talk to u if he's getting online....but if he's not very talkative....it's probably because of what you said....he's depressed because he cares about you so much and will have to go away to college soon (just like my guy was depressed about his passion--running--practically being taken away from him).....or i don't know because you didnt' say anything about it....your guy could be going through difficulties in his favorite pastimes...or family issues he cannot bring himself to talk about....there's a lot of things that could be doing it....but one thing's for sure....he's depressed...and the best thing you can do for him is give him space...try not to bother him about his depressed behavior...withdrawal is typical for how guys deal with their problems.....and also...keep doing what you're doing...reminding him that he's loved should get him through anything....and also...try to pretend like he's not that depressed...if you act happy while he's depressed.....he won't be able to help smiling at least.........just don't act obnoxiously happy cuz then he'll think you're being insensitive and annoying................wow this got really lengthy....i really hope it helps though...just know you're not alone...us girls have to be the strong ones in the relationship a lot of the time! =D

Answer 2

I think you should try and schedule a time and have a serious talk with him and let him know how you feel about him isolating you. Tell him that you want him to be honest with you. If he still does not wish to talk or share how he feels. Then, even though it may be hard for you - let him know that you are there if and when he wants to open up what he is feeling in his heart for you - And give him space. Don't try to contact him and force him to talk. He may in his own time. However, he may not. Be prepared for whatever way it goes. All the Best!

Answer 3

I think that might be it. Maybe he's trying to cut ties off a little now so it will be easier for him when he goes off to college. Maybe you and his friends should go out of you ways to show him that no matter what you'll be there for him, even if he does move away. You should just remind him (in person, not AIM) that you do love him a lot. I hope it helps and good luck with it.

Answer 4

I think that sounds about right. He may have gotten freaked out over having such strong feelings for you.. like, what did I get myself into, and now he doesn't know what to do. AIM would be like something he could do long distance, so maybe he's trying to be more into that kind of communication. Not really sure, though. this is tough, and I feel for you. try talking to him again with his best friend, and don't let him deny anything is wrong. tell him his actions speak louder.

Answer 5

I know how you feel [except about girls :)] i once felt that this certain person in my life was "the one" but, over the course of a couple months or so that attraction began to decline and I saw her as more of a friend. So, just wait it out. Either he'll come around or you'll stop thinking about him in that way. Trust me

Answer 6

It could have nothing to do with you....like stress or worry about the future. Or it could be stress with you. He is about to head off to college and you are telling him all the time that you love him. In highschool love is sooo overrated. Most highschool students tell their bf or gf that they love them if they date over 1 month. And most tell more than one person throughout highschool that they love them. Perhaps he needs time to figure things out. Back off for a littlebit...(not completely) but let him know you are still there and that you CARE about him...try to avoid using love for a few weeks. Also you should be aware that a man's true colors generally dont come out until after 3 months...good men can hold it for up to 6 months...but their true selves come out after that...not saying all men are scum or anything...just you maybe in for a rough ride. His future has probably got him all worried though, I mean college is a big step, and if he feels love for you, he maybe worried about that. Just sit back and watch...try not to worry yourself to death.

Answer 7

check this out,this is my humble opnion, he asked u out, then u came on too heavy, by telling him a bunch of times per week, right? i hate that. mellow out a lil on that. maybe its that or maybe he's playing games with you. i hate telling women this shiznit but i'll help u out on this one. there's shtuff we can do to maintain control over women. he might be doing that by being distant. truuuuuuuuust me...back off a lil just how he has, be distant, like you're too busy with school and work and whatever.....like a breather...then come back at him. i'd ignore the people saying he's probably focusing on another chic cuz he obviously is all over u. stop stressin cuz ur gonna f 'it up. or he might just have stuff going on at home or something, let off him a little to vent and let it pass.

don't even trip chocolate chip.

Answer 8

It could be family issues, it could be health issues, it could be a multitude of things that may not even concern you! Talk it over with him and remind him that all you want to do is help him and tell him you love him dearly and want to see nothing but happiness from him!

This may entice him to tell you his problem. Be understanding towards what it is and he will be more truthful in the future.

Answer 9

maybe hes confused about whats going to happen in the future....or maybe he wants to see what its like not being by your side most of the time. cuz hes not gonna be there for you for a couple months at a time. Things should start to turn around soon. Good luck thought

Answer 10

Who else is he chatting with on AIM? Your friends might be onto something...You are a freshman and maybe he's not liking being teased about his "little" girlfriend. Who knows, just see what happens and try not to upset him too much before he leaves, maybe right now he just needs a little space to figure everything out. Best wishes to you.