A question of politeness?

Question

Here is the situation:

I was speaking with my father about something irrelevant. While I was in the conversation, my mother butted in (rudely) wanting to know what I was talking about. I asked her nicely that I will tell her what I was speaking about after I had finished the conversation. She then interrupted again. I asked her to wait while I finish the conversation. She then interrupted a third time, when I told her to stop being a rude cow (Out of order I know but I asked three times to stop interrupting). She then blew up in my face. The question is this.

I was told by my parents when I was young to not intterupt someone when they are talking to someone else (common courtesy). She then does it anyway for a conversation which did NOT involve my mother in any way shape or form.

Do you think I am in the right compared with my mother? this is not the first time she has done this. She butts in when I am on the phone to a friend, asking who it is when it is not her business.

WOW! i didn't expect a resposne so quickly! Thank you for all of your answers. I want to give you a bit more information. (I am 21 btw)


After the initial incident, my mother was having a go about how nasty I was and I maintained that I would not have said that she was a rude cow (not an old cow) if she practised what she preached and not interrupted a conversation which didn't involve her. This is not the only thing she does. My sister had some super and didn't wash the dishes, when my mum came in she immediatly accused ME of leaving them there and started shouting at me, despite it not being mine.

She also leaves notes to cook dinner, which has my name only on it (I wouldn't mind if it had mine and my sisters) she treats me like a butler and I am just sick of it.

I am seriously considering moving out to get away form her.

Thank you again for your responses.

Answer 1

I think that you're completely right. I would have done the same in your situation. Your mother has no excuse for being rude, espeically if she taught you this when you were younger.

It is, as you say, common courtesy to wait until someone has finished their converstaion before interrupting. The only I would say that it is ok, is when there is an emergency, however this wasn't one of those times.

You carry on as you are, mate. Its your mother who needs to change her ways and frankly to stop being nosey.

Answer 2

You're a big boy now, so move out. Go back when you are old enough to respect HER rights in HER house; you don't mention whether or not you decide to come swaggering in from the Pub at midnight and wake up the whole house by loudly opening and closing the fridge and devouring the contents, though I suspect as a 21 year old, financially unburdened individual, this COULD be the case.

I recall the element of 'treating this house like a hotel' which I neglected to divulge to people when complaining about how my hardworking and self sacrificing parents were treating me...

Buy your computer yourself did you....?

Paper round money go that far did it....? No I expect, though don't actually know for sure, you probably were 'gifted' one to help with your 'education' - Right?

But if this isn't the case - I expect you have a nice little VTR Saxo or similar - easily described as your 'Pride and Joy' that you spend a fortune on - but I don't know - so I would need to ask.

Who does the washing and ironing in your house, just out of curiousity - and guess what - there IS no tidying Fairy...add up the Bills, the space you occupy and the difficulties of having unlike-minded people in close occupancy and do the right thing.

You will find, upon your return, from wherever you habitate and demonstrate the ability to stand on your own two feet; a more receptive, interested and willing to help mother than you ever dreamed of.

By the way the emotional blackmail of 'moving out' is dispicable and traiterous, but sounds like you have no qualms in that direction.

If this sounds a bit harsh; someone had to tell you - didn't they?

P.S I moved out at 19; time to go Buck-o.

The benefit for you in all of this is that you will get to watch your parents enjoy the priviledges of their working lives - like holidays, without worrying about whether you will have enough to eat while they are gone, or whether your similar friends will wreck their home in their absence

Answer 3

I don't think the clues could be louder or clearer.
She wants you to be free. If you will check with Dr. Freud, you will see something: you said you were talking with your father about something irrelevant? That is hilarious! OK! It was like a cosmic setup ... just so you and your mother could have it out.

I once had a run in with my mother. Its purpose was two fold: she was warning me that I was doing the wrong thing (I was cutting out a dress to sew but it was the wrong fabric and design).... and she was also asking me, in her way, did I not NOW know that she had been very nasty to me all my life..... and if not, was it not about time I knew??? It hurt, of course it hurt... because I was not reading it right... and yet had I been very quiet I could have "heard" at the time what the transaction was really about...it was all about my impulsive behaviour and about her apology .... stangely enough, she left the apartment and came back 45 minutes later and handed me a little gift. It was a brand new key case .... a very Freudian gift.... It meant, "I am sorry. Here. Have your keys back.' It is very sad, is it not, when life is bare to the bones that way?

Happy Trails!

Answer 4

Your Mother is totally out of order. She should practice whats she preaches. Depending on your age, she might think she still has the right to enquire about your private business, but still calling her a cow would not help matters any at all!

You should have persisted by telling her that you would talk to her in turn, and if she blew up at that point, you should have reminded her of her teachings about not interupting whilst in the middle of a conversation, which had nothing to do with her. Mothers eh? I wish mine was still alive today!

Regards,
M

Answer 5

Technically you were in the right, it was rude of your Mother to interupt, regardless of whether the conversation concerned her or not. Just as it was rude of you to lose your temper with her.

You lost your temper because you felt provoked. You are human after all. But the question you need to ask youself is why your Mother keeps interupting? It sounds like she feels left out. She saw you and your Father interacting and emotionally she needed to be a part of it. You were taught that it was rude to interupt, but I'm sure you were also taught tolerance.

Etiquette is the set of rules laid down to make social interaction better for everyone, but you have to take into account that we're all human and have all the flaws, foibles and emotional quirks that make us individual.

Answer 6

It's time to move out.

Parents introduce rules when we are younger and they do seem to forget them to suit themselves. You asked your mother three times to not interrupt and three times she did. So you were within your rights to ask her more forcibly to stop it. To call your mother a rude cow was a little off limits. You could of handled that a little bit better as it will be you apologising all the time to get back in to her good books. The fact that she interrupted all the time will disappear but the fact that you called her names will rest with her for many years and she will use it against you in many arguments for years to come.

Answer 7

yes it is rude but the etiquette rules don't really apply to family. Your mother likes to know everything that's going on and, like you, she probably behaves entirely differently with strangers than she does with members of her own family. Everyone is more polite with strangers than they are in their own home.
It is correct to stop your own conversation in order to accommodate a query from someone else (even if they are interrupting). Be honest, you could have said something to your dad like "Excuse me" and then turned to your mum and given her a brief summary, then turned back to your dad and continued. That is acceptable. I don't think it is acceptable to call her an old cow - really that was uncalled for and just downright rude.
There's a bit of a power battle going on with your mum - I suspect this Yahoo question is the tip of the iceberg and there's a lot of stuff between you two that needs to be sorted out.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I can completely identify with you. Not only is your mother being rude, but a hypocrite as well. My grandmother years ago used to do the exact same thing. She would butt in at inappropriate times, and ended up turning many people off. Any time someone tried to explain things to her, she just didn't get it. My aunt told me she was only trying to help out in her own way, but it was hard when her interference made things difficult.

Answer 9

yes you are right to some degree, unless you pay the phone bill she does have the right to ask about things like that. I would ask my father to help. If he won't then when no one is upset and the topic is not already being discussed have a heart to heart with your mother. Tell her how it makes you feel and ask her if she is willing to work on this and maybe come up with a warning word you can use or a signal she can can use if she feels she needs to interupt.

Answer 10

You probably shouldn't have called her a cow. However, she should be respectful of you when you make such a request.

Maybe speak to her separately and come to an agreement on how to treat each other in this situation. You said that you were taught not to interrupt- you could discuss this with your mother.