Mother dislikes daughter question. What do you think?

Question

I was concieved by my biological father raping my mother 30 years ago. I just found this out a couple of months ago hence the reasoning behind my mother always treating me like the spawn of satan. I always wondered why she treated me that way and now I know. Me and my mother no longer talk and haven't for almost a year because I forced this information out of her and now she says that she will never be a part of my life again but she still wants to see her grand kids (my 3 children). They have told me that she has told them that she doesn't like me and she says harsh things about me in front of them. She has no desire to reconcile with me even for my kids and I plan on just living my life and helping my kids through this without her because I know they miss her but I don't know what else to do. I have been seeing a therapist for 4 months to help me through this and it seems to be helping. Do you think I'm on the right path to recovery or do you think I should speak up to my mom?

Answer 1

First off I want to say that I truly am sorry that you had to only just recently hear about this and putting this altogether, for your own life, while raising 3 kids. That is so very hard but it is not something that is impossible to move on in life with. We all have our crosses to bear, some greater than others. I think you are on a very healthy path to recovery and I think that you need to put yourself, and your kids, as much as they miss her, before anybody or anything else!!! You have to take care of YOU first, before you can get into anything else with your Mom or anything else life brings your way. So be kind to yourself, don't be so hard on yourself and take care of your 3 kids! To move forward, in times of hardship, is the toughest thing to do but you learn, you change, and you grow and so will your children! You are teaching them not to accept being talked about or treated nasty by anybody, even if it is your Mom. Congrats to you for going to therapy and getting help! There are also support groups you can go to and self- help books to read! I wish you and your 3 kids nothing but the best! You are a strong woman and you'll be all the stronger for this, in your life! Good luck!

Answer 2

I think your on the right road, but I would not let my children see her if she did not shut up about me to them.

She could have given you up for adoption and by what you say it would have been best for you if she is that mean. She also needs counseling because you are still her daughter no matter what. Do you look like the father sometimes people can not get past that and did anyone help her through her crises of rape. Only she can make things better after you pull the children away and when she does want to see them again,there would be certain rules. 1. No bad mouthing their mother. 2. She & you go to counseling together. 3. If she can not agree to these terms she will never see the kids. 4. Your children need counseling if you pull them away.

I feel so much for your situation it is hard to think a mother can turn on her own child for any reason. If my child was stabbing me to death with my last breath I would tell her I love and forgive her.

Answer 3

I am a victim of rape, the answer to your question if you should talk to mom. I think you should tell her that if she wants to have any further contact with her grandchildren she will stop her current behavior. This is terrible. I understand you mother is angry that you forced this out of her but you had every right to know. Your mother needs some serious counseling if she is treating you like satans spawn. Rape is a terrible act. It took me years not to think I did something to bring it on. It had its effect on my marriage. I thought all men were scum. I have since grown up and realize not all men are scum just a select few. Any how what your mom is doing to your children will have bad effects stop her no. It sounds like you are on the right path of recovery and let her approach you. If she don't you and your kids are better off. I am so sorry for your terrible experience i hope things work out. Good luck. P. S. I would only say the first things i said if she broaches you about a relationship. She cant do this to your kids.

Answer 4

Are you crazy? Why do you allow your children to see someone who holds someone else's sin against you? You are the innocent here. You don't say how old your children are.
Your mother tore up her parent card when she began treating you as if you were the one who hurt her, and she has no business saying negative things about you to your children. You need to set the ground rules and tell her that if she says anything negative about you in front of your children, she will not be allowed to see them. My sister has a mother-in-law like this (talks bad about my sister every chance she gets), and her grand-kids either refuse to visit her or have told her that if she says one negative thing, they will leave. And they do - leave that is. My sister stays away from her even in family gatherings that she rarely attends because she understands that she doesn't have to be subjected to the rantings of this old female. Your children need to understand they need to stand up to her also, if they are going to visit her.
Don't waste anymore time trying to reconcile. Call her once a month to see how she is doing. You don't need her to live a happy life with your children. You might try reading "Bad Childhood, Happy Life" to see how others have dealt with similar situations.

Answer 5

i'm not a mom yet i have been a daughter :) you're late to set some barriers and implement them. If she's residing lower than your roof, inspite of her age or being a mom herself, you position the guidelines. Her decision is to abide by them or go away, even if she's lower than 18. attempt to locate a time even as both of you may sit and gently write those guidelines out. easily get her to signal that she'll abide by them. set up a result for not abiding by them. right here comes the cruel love: follow the end result. regrettably, it sounds like it truly is a few distance late. this is thoroughly irrelevant and disrespectful for her to be dragging unusual adult men into your position, or assume you to %. up after her baby! yet you're reinforcing this habit, inspite of the yelling. You strengthen it because she's nevertheless residing there doing a similar habit.

Answer 6

What a horrible thing for you and your children to have to deal with! What does your therapist recommend? My thinking is what have you got to lose? Try to talk to your mother. Point out how your children and you feel. But don't attack her by saying she's the one at fault. I don't know the ages of your children but they obviously know that Grandma hates their mother. That's a terrible thing for them to deal with and I wouldn't expose them to it more than is necessary. Good luck to you. You're in my prayers.

Answer 7

i would definitely speak with your mother. someone has to set her straight - it's not your fault of how you were conceived. if she thought enough to carry you full term and give birth to you - the least she can do is love you. let her know that she is hating the wrong person. let her know that you now understand the relationship between the two of you growing up - but, that we are both adults now - you have children of your own and you do not want to subject them to her behavior of not wanting you in her life. this is not a good way to bring up children and if she wants to see your children, she has got to change her ways. you WANT her to treat you with the respect you deserve, that you have never done anything to her to make her treat you the way she has. you now see it's effecting your children, her grandchildren, and if she can act civil towards you and accept you as her daughter, then she'll have her grandchildren in her life - it's as simple as that - treat me as a daughter or you will not have my children in your life. mom, it's up to you, you tell me what you want to do. i wish you good luck and i hope she comes around.

Answer 8

I think that going to a therapist is a good idea. I think you should do whatever the therapist suggests as they have been working with you longer and know the story with more depth.

Answer 9

Talk to your mom. It's not your fault how you came in to the world. See if she will go into therapy too. Good luck.

Answer 10

wow if ur mom bad talks u i think u should confront her. if she lies then dont talk to her. buh frist speak up. if she makes the issue worse leave it alone.