My mother has passed away but i am still hurt and angry-was i a horrible child?

Question

My mother never hugged or kissed me or told me how special i was to her,she told me she loved me after about 34 yrs of giving birth to me and my instant reaction was disbelief and mistrust.Before she passed away i asked what i had done wrong and she replied,
"nothing but you don't cook for me".She told me i was useless everytime i tried to please her and told her mates tht i ws a 'bastard of a child like my father' & 'possessed', i was even told tht if she knew this is hw i wld have turned out she would have smothered me at birth.I suppose as an adult i should pull up my socks, put the past behind me and live my life, very true, but everytime i think i get somewhere it is followed by a set back of some sort.
i have been for counselling on and off for the last 15 years .
i exercise regularly and go to dance classes as these things make me happy but am not really good at striking up friendships as i feel that these people will only get to knw the horrible person that i am,any advice

Answer 1

Oh, sweetie, all that says much more about your mother than it does about you. I've heard it said that sometimes we have to give ourselves what our parents could not, and in your case, you have to give yourself the unconditional love that your mother was not equipped to give you. I'm sorry that happened to you, and to some extent, you do have to "pull up your socks" and live your life, but do so with a sense of self-love and self-acceptance. You are NOT a horrible person. Just from your post I can see you are a kind, sensitive, thoughtful person. And you are a child of God, and He loves you always.

Answer 2

You are being way to hard on yourself. You were not a horrible child or possessed. Perhaps your mother said these things to you because she was young and niave when she gave birth to you. I dont know.

To me you sound like a very caring and interesting person. Keep doing the things that you enjoy.

My mother has said some horrible stuff to me lately and over the last 34 yrs of my life, but I love my mother as she is the only one that I have. It has only been in the last 6 months that my mother has told me that she loves me and I am the eldest of three.


I hope you find what you are looking for in life, try to stay happy with yourself and dont worry about what others think of you.

Good Luck

Answer 3

You are not a horrible person, you sound like a very good hearted person to me. You must remember that when people get older sometimes they become confused and say things that they don't mean or just don't make sense. I'm sure it was hurtful to you but you have to look at all the things you did for her and all the time you spent with her. You did everything you should have and could have done. You should not feel guilt you should find peace with this and be proud that you were a good loving daughter. Peace to you.

Answer 4

Some people should NEVER have kids! A mother is supposed to "be there" for her child and it does not seem as though she ever was. This is not your fault --- she apparently could not feel good about herself unless she made you feel inadequate.

You should know that most people are not that critical of others. Unless you are an axe murderer or something equally horrible, people just don't judge. ( well--some do, and you should stay away from them.) If people seem to be accepting you for what they see in you, then they ARE accepting you ---don't try to second-guess or over-analyze.

Answer 5

Well, you're not the only one who feels this way, at times I do have the pain/hurt or anger in my heart even though my close ones are no longer with me. I understand how you feel as it's due to the past incidents which explained your current presence why you have reacted this way. I know it's hard and pain whenever you recall the past but if it's going to dwell with in you now, it will stick with you in future...I know it's easy to forgive but not forget esp it leaves scars/pain in our life but no matter how life goes on...Look ahead for your future instead as you can't change the past that's have happen but to learn it as lesson in life esp when you will become somebody's parent in time when you have your own children some day!

Answer 6

What befell for your mom is tragic. the very truth you should settle for is that what has befell has befell, besides the actual incontrovertible truth that it must be extraordinarily troublesome to enable bypass of someone so close. What i might want to signify for you is to locate the direct source of your issues, and then locate a answer. ascertain out precisely what makes you indignant. besides the actual incontrovertible truth that it truly is for sure something about your mom's passing, what's the precise challenge? locate the source... are you indignant because you experience that it wasn't honest that she change into taken away, or is it something about the way she died that frustrates you? in case you may specify what brings on the anger, then you truthfully're halfway to fixing your issues. i'm no professional, yet i might want to signify speaking by your emotions with someone close... yet another friend, a close pal to demonstrate to, or a counselor (a very last-hotel suggestion). attempt to enable bypass of your anger, and concentrate on the useful issues that those confusing cases have extra you. in case you experience like each little thing's adverse, then attempt to harness that adverse skill for your benefit, and use it that could assist you accomplish something. in the journey that your loss has left you feeling empty with nowhere to bypass, evaluate taking on a calming pastime (in my opinion, i might want to signify scrapbooking), get a puppy, or do something you've consistently aspired to do, alongside with a most suitable holiday. encompass your self with those who've useful attitudes, and take a verify out to assuage your thoughts. in the journey that your issues come from something that you may want to not have managed , comprehend this, and relax. with slightly of success, your anger will fade with time, if not, try getting slightly help and someone to communicate with. wish this allows, and that i wish you the perfect! ~ KK

Answer 7

Do not worry about it. YOU are not to be blamed for your mothers and fathers short comings. It sounds like you may need counseling to deal with your emotions. It was not your fault and you were not a bad child. That was all of your mothers doing.