Nephew having trouble with basic training for army. Cant cope mentally. How does he get out or is it too late

Question

Nephew talking about hurting himself due to pressure at basic training. Already was in the hospital for pneumonia and asthma while there. He is only 18 and has an older brother already in the army. Afraid he bit off more than he can chew. Guess he had something to prove. How do we get him out before he hurts himself or worst? Is it too late too help him now?

Answer 1

If he truly is 'failing to adapt', and not just having a 'rough time', then he needs to get out. Hurting himself will only land him in a military hospital and possible observation for years. He needs to make an official request to speak to base legal on a private matter. He does not have to discuss the matter with his drill sergeant or his commanding officer, just as he would not be required to discuss his medical condition with anyone other than his doctor.
He needs to explain to his lawyer that he feels he cannot perform the duties of a soldier, and that he would be a risk to fellow soldiers by his inability to perform his duties.
This is a major decision, by the way. The discharge will follow him his entire life. And he would have to explain to any prospective employer why he was discharged, or at least the classification of his discharge. And he also runs the risk of a court-martial if the evaluators think he is lying to get out of his duties. And that could mean a Dishonorable or Bad Conduct Discharge, both of which are considered felony covnictions in the civilian world.

If he is honestly, truly, unable to perform, he needs to claim 'Failure to Adapt'. If he's just 'not happy in his job'... then, too bad. Being unhappy is not the same as unable to perform. People are unhappy in their jobs all the time, but still perform adequately.

This is a big decision for him. He needs to really look at what he's feeling. If he can't do it, then he needs to get out. If he just won't do it, or doesn't want to do it, then too bad. He's an adult, he made an adult decision, and he needs to follow it through (kind of like fathering a child). I know there are recruiters that paint an inaccurate picture of military life (and they need to face courts-martial themselves), but anyone that honestly thought joining the Army was a totally safe occupation would never have passed the ASVAB.


Edit: concerning what jl_jack said, do NOT encourage him to fabricate a story about his recruiter (orany other servicemember). If the recruiter did anything improper, fine, report the offense. But falsifying a report about another servicemember is a criminal offense under the UCMJ. Even if it was determined he had valid reason to claim failure to adapt, lying about another servicemember ruins his chances. He'll end up in a military prison.

Edit #2: Asthma is not a condition that prohibits military service, no more so than astigmatism or near/far-sightedness. Get your facts straight. Correctable or controllable medical conditions do require a waiver, but that is a normal & legitimate part of the recruitment process.
Don't even try to get him to use asthma (unless it is at a debilitating and uncontrollable level) as a FTA excuse.

Answer 2

My husband says: Here is the drawn out answer. I'm currently 28 and in the Army. Before I go into the two boot camps you need to understand some of the core differenced between the Army and the Marines. The Army is a force that has many different branches within it. In the army you can serve anywhere from a regular infantry man (grunt), to Field artillery, to a truck driver, to an accountant to a dental technician, to a supply specialist. So in a nutshell what I am saying is that the Army needs to fullfill much more than just regular old grunts. The Marine Corps by comparison technically falls under the Navy. Therefore they do not need to worry about staffing the marines with accountants, dental technicians and the like, they can worry strictly about staffing infantry men, Field Artillerymen and other "combat Arms" professions. (combat arms means the people who directly combat the enemy, rather than those who support those who combat the enemy) So due to this difference the Marine boot camp is definately harder than the Army boot camp, however, Following the Army boot camp you will go to AIT or advanced individual training (remember how you said that the Army's boot camp is 4 weeks shorther this is why). AIT's course length will vary dependant on your MOS (Military Occupational Specialty or your job) but expect to be there a month or more. If you are an Infantryman expect to spend your AIT out doing roadmarches and a host of physical activities, however if you are an X-Ray technician expect to spend your entire time in the hospital etc. I'll spend the rest of the time talking about the army because that's what I know. Overall what job you choose is up to you, and your recruiter, but if you have graduated from college I would reccomend asking the recruiter about enlisting with an OCS or (officer candidate school) option, the responsibilites are greater as an officer, but the pay is MUCH better. Finally when dealing with an army recruiter remember that the army is short on recruits now so you will have a lot of leverage. DONT get bullied into accepting anything you don't want (like a 6 year contract). And remember until you sign your name on the dotted line you can get up and leave at any time (infact leaving might just get you a call back from the recruiter with a better MOS). Good luck!!!

Answer 3

this is hard to say because I dont know you and I dont want to sound like a hard a*s but hear goes Your nephew needs to get tough real quik army basic was wimpy 20 years ago and is more so now everyone whos ever done basic has had these same feelings at one time or another feelings dont make you a wimp or a hero how you deal with them makes all the difference . Im sure hes a great kid but the army wants to make him a great man this can be a difficult conversion. You get this kid out now and you insure future failures he will always wonder what if he had finished Having my kid shipped to a war zone at some piont scares the crap out of me but my folks went through that possibility 4 times with 4 different kids my brother and two sisters followed me into the military and that makes us more than siblings we share a bond of having been soldiers . Basic training is a fraction of the military expirience it gets better millions can tell you we been there tell him to do what he signed up to do and no one can ever take that away from him. I hope Ive not been insulting or mean thank for reading

Answer 4

Tell him that it is going to be rough and he is going to have to get used to it. There is a routine there and as soon as he falls into it, the easier it will be for him. Relay to him that this is just basic training and once he is done with, he won't ever have to do it again. Where he is at is not what the Army is really like.

Also tell him there have been many many many other men and women who have gone through what he is going through right now. A lot of them physically worse of than he is. Just keep telling him how everyone is backing him up. Don't try to find a way out cause he will end up regretting it later in life.

Answer 5

thee whole point of basict training/boot camp is to break them down and then build them back up. If it's any consoloation, the first year of any recruits' life is NOTHING like what the rest of their term of enlistment will be. BCT/Boot and Schools are there for a purpose, and that is to train Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines. 98% of it is all head games, teaching them how to cope with stress and adverse conditions.

He can't just get out of it because he is having a bad day or three. if the Intructors believe he is a danger to himself, they will get him counseling. But frankly, they will most likely think he's just trying to pull a fast one. He can seek out help on his own, if he so wishes, and it will not be held against him. Most people find talking to the Chaplian helps, even if they aren't religious.

Answer 6

If he is only in basic training, he can get a "failure to adapt". He obviously isn't going to make it in the military, its not for him. The only thing is im not sure how he goes about getting discharged. My nephew was discharged but he did a lot of screwing up in basic and eventually went AWOL so they discharged him, but said he had a failure to adapt. Your nephew needs to speak with his chain of command and get into some counseling if he is thinking of hurting himself. Good luck to him!

Answer 7

Been there. Done that, it was no fun. The answer is Doctor, Lawyer Priest. Get 3 letters. Also Father and Mother, stress over 2 Sons in service, needs one home to help them cope. Does this 18 year old have any Medical condition that he was told "by the recruiter" not to talk about before he signed?

Answer 8

If he has asthma he shouldn't be in the army. If he's at Benning he can quit. If he's somewhere else, he'll have to pack his things and go.

Answer 9

How far along in basic is he? and what exactly is giving him so much trouble? It doesn't last forever. Don't give up on him or let him give up on himself

Answer 10

tell him to stop thinking and just follow orders. the time will pass quickly. everyone gets sick, its not an excuse to quit. when he gets done he will be proud of himself. if he quits he will regret it and feel shame.

I knew people that recycled due to illness and injury, but they never quit.

its really not that hard and will develope positive habits that will be with him for a lifetime.