How can you improve ur sense of self worth/self confidence if what has gotton u down in the past wont change?

Question

Hi
I just wanna know ur thoughts on how i can become more confident in myself and lead a normal life when things from the past still affect me and potentially still will.If u see from the other qs i have asked, my height affects me.I am beautiful but am also very short (4 ft 11in - im 21).I was bullied at skool and to a certain extent uni and coz of that still always question myself and my sense of worth - i mean how can u feel *normal* if ppl make nasty comments and stuff?And even tho tall guys have said they would date me on Yahoo answers, it doesnt translate it happening in real life! Im not talking about height here per se, i mean anything that u feel bad about ie weight, having bad teeth, a rubbish job etc - wutever gets u down. I mean im never gonna shoot up so i suppose all my life i will have to battle with heightist comments but how do i feel better about myself even if ppl r rude about me w/o even knowing me?? I try nd be a nice person but i feel very underappreciated. Thnx!

Answer 1

Sounds like you may be placing all of your energy into your height. You don't speak about your talents. I'll bet if you sit down and write all the positive things out about yourself, you will find a pretty cool person. If you wait around expecting other people to validate and appreciate you, then you will continue to have these feelings of unworthiness. Only you can build up your sense of worth and only you can turn your size into a positive. The past can only affect you if you let it. Important fact: It's over, whatever happened is gone and you are in control of your own happiness now. You do admit you are beautiful. Great, enjoy your beauty. Walk around and see people who may be taller than you but do not have the knock out face you do.........what it comes down to is that we all have some ugly, negative things we see in ourselves, that many others do not. Let it go and accept who you are. Are you in college???? You should be. There aren't alot of bullys in college. Most people are trying too hard to get an education and the bullys are long gone. The more education you get for yourself the higher your self-esteem will grow. Just FYI: My grandmother was 4 ft. 10 inches and my grandfather was 6 ft 4 inches. They produced 4 children and were happily married until death. My grandmother ruled the home and was a very strong personality, she was the glue that kept the family going. Maybe you will never "shoot up" but you can develop you personality and brain to grow beyond all boundaries, IF YOU SO CHOOSE.

Answer 2

Hey - be thankful for what you do have! Be thankful that you have those short legs to walk with. Some people are confined to a wheelchair and will never be able to walk again. Be thankful that you you are here and breathing on this earth today. Everyone is different, that's what makes the world go around! Don't you think that tall women wish they were short? Just like people with curly hair wish it was straight! You will find a guy that accepts you for who you are. My good friend's mother is 4'11" and 50 years old. She has been married for 25 years, has 2 kids and a very successful life. Don't let this be an obstacle in the way of your happiness. God made each of us unique...we are just exactly the way he meant for us to be. Whether we like it or not, or understand it...God makes no mistakes!

Answer 3

First of all, we should all appreciate our God-given gifts eventhough they may not be to our self-imposed standards. Being petite is absolutely nothing to be worried or ashamed of. You should not be concerned about what anyone else thinks. If comments are made to you, just say "This is the temple that God gave me and I'm very happy with it". That's it. Treat yourself well, dress well, smile, exercise, and above all....GIVE of yourself!!! Do some volunteer work at a childrens hospital with terminally ill children. They certainly don't care what your height is. Work with the elderly, they won't care either. Give to others always improves your self confidence; you will get so much more back. When I was growing up, I was always taller than anyone else. I simply decided that I would be proud to be tall; and I even wear heels and enjoy myself and my life. Now I walk with a cane from an auto accident; but I do it proudly. I lost 110 lbs. and I'm very proud of that accomplishment. Sit down and write a list of the things you are proud of in your life; things you accomplished, maybe you have lovely eyes or complexion and learn to appreciate yourself. If you walk like you're 5'10" tall, everyone will see your self-confidence and won't even notice your height. It's within your power to change the way you think of yourself. You've already started by asking others for suggestions. Mine is basically "love and give of yourself". Godloveya, honey.

Answer 4

I am assuming that having bad breath is not one of you problems here today lol
4'11 isn't all that bad.my best friend from high school was 4'10 and had NO trouble dating at all!!I am 5'1 also no trouble.
so you say you can be under appreciated. I am thinking you are using your height as your focus of why you cant land the guys you like,right??? not true
it Is rough to be teased about something you cant change but as soon as you get over yourself everyone else will too! I think you may want to evaluate your good qualities and enhance them...
see if there is a chat room for us shorties or start a support group for yourself,take out an ad and invite every short girl in your town to meet at Denny's or somewhere....short girls have brothers you know!! next week invite the short boys to join you...the plans will start exploding and soon you will be the most popular girl in town........IF you accept yourself...just the way you are.
if you don't like whats going on its up to you to find out how to change it!! This was a great start! now take your new knowledge...thank all these nice people for thinking on your behalf and get moving on their ideas! good luck my little sweet!(thats what my husband calls me...he 6'3)

Answer 5

Hi there

Everyone comes in all sorts of different shapes and sizes. If we were all the same, how boring would that be?!!

People make comments about other people. maybe they're joking, think they're being funny without really knowing the effect they're having on someone's feelings.

Please, please understand that there is no right or wrong way to be! We need to accept who we are, what we are and if anyone else has got a problem with that then, hey, that's their problem. And if they want to go through life commenting about other people then what sad individuals they are!

Live your life to it's fullest. If other people can find time in their lives to make comments about other people then they must have a pretty dull life.

Know who you are and what it is you want to do. Other people are not always right. When we have confidence issues we start to think that we are wrong and others are right but what makes other people right all the time?!

When we're nice to people and we don't feel we're receiving the same thing, it does feel like we're not appreciated. But it sounds to me like you could teach people a thing or two about how to treat others. If other people don't want to open their hearts to being nice, unfortunately there's not a lot that can be said to them. Don't put too much effort in trying to be nice to people if they aren't nice in return. If they don't want to be nice, that's their problem.

Know yourself without giving thought to what others think and be happy knowing that your life isn't spent wasted judging and commenting about other people. I say have sympathy for those that do rather than taking them seriously! All the best.

Answer 6

In all your note the first line was the most important "things from the past still affect me"........you are having problems due to whatever that was that affected you, not from your height. I know after living in a very controlling relationship caused my lack of self worth and confidence until what I call "I grew up" stage....therapy can help you deal with that and it takes time to be comfortable with yourself....good luck I know you'll make it

Answer 7

Try making a list of all the good things about yourself. Just write down all the things YOU think are good. Don't number it. And keep adding to it. Read it over, often. Maybe even ask friends and family to help, if you feel comfortable.

Also, there is NO SUCH thing as "normal". So, don't get stuck on being "normal".

Answer 8

You have to ignore the ignorant and cold people in this this world that think they can bring you down with their nasty comments. You cannot be that down on yourself, because you are asking for help. Nothing is wrong with your height, nothing is wrong with you. Be positive and be strong. Yes it is hard to feel normal when people point out your"faults". But you are normal. You are human. We are all different, all unique. Be proud of who you are and stand up in the face of adversity. Tell these people who comment that if they don't like it to move on. Do not dwell on these comments, but rise above them. They will make you stronger. Please believe in yourself. You will be fine. Promise.

Answer 9

first of all, you need to check yourself! sorry if that sounds rude. look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you ARE beautiful, you ARE confident, you ARE strong, you ARE special. sometimes you have to learn to say screw the ignorant people and move on. when you start believing in yourself, you will feel better. i was down and out for a very long time, but one day i did this, i looked deep in my eyes, and said i'm not going to be bullied or insulted anymore!!!!!!!! confidence is the key. best of luck to you and stay strong, keep your head held high, you are someone special:)

Answer 10

There will always be ignorant people of the world who will be rude to others for being too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, too ugly, too beautiful, too poor, too successful, etc. People who make fun of others are often loosers who are not happy with their lives. Winners rarely make fun of others and accept people for who they are. So stay away from losers, they will only bring you down. Sure, I know that there are people in the world that we inevitably run into, but try to spend as little time as possible on rude people. Say to yurself "I dont have time for people like that."