My best friend has a 4yr old little boy and a 1 yr old little girl. Shes a great mother, however I think she yells at them too much. Whenever Im on the phone with her she yells at him for interupting her while she is on the phone...She'll say "What did i say about interupting me while Im on the phone??"....Other times she has told me that she makes him clean his room...and if he doesnt she yells at him and threatens to spank him if he doesnt...BUT she doesnt spank him. She not abusive..so dont go there....but i just think she thinks hes older than 4 sometimes. I need some insight on 4 yr olds....Are these normal things to be saying to him. I have no children..yet...so that could be why I dont know...but sometimes I just think she is expectinig too much out of him when hes only 4.
Ok parents...give me some feedback on this! Thanks!!
2007-01-06 01:24:07 · 11 answers · asked by Tanya 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
4 is the perfect age to start childen on very simple chores, like picking up their own toys, making their bed (as messy as it may end up, you praise them anyway) and feeding a pet. it is not a matter of making them help so that you don't have to do it, but it teaches them a sense of accomplishment and it gives the parent a chance to really praise them for a job well done.
that being said, she needs to realize that he is only 4, so the job is not going to be as neat and tidy as if she would do it herself. how can it be?
as far as yelling at him on the phone when he interupts, it is good to teach him not to interupt, but perhaps she should do it in a more gentle tone. i hope i've helped :)
2007-01-06 01:33:45 · answer #1 · answered by ♥sweet♥ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I caught myself doing this when my kids were younger. My son and daughter are 1 year apart. When I had my daughter, my son seemed so much bigger and older. I admit, I did expect a lot from him. But, he also is at the age where he needs to learn to be respectful, polite, and clean up his toys etc. The yelling part is most likely out of frustration. What helped me a lot was my sister would take the baby a few hours a day once or twice a week and I would spend time with my son. It is hard because at that age, they want a lot of your attention and sometimes, even if "yelling" is the attention they are getting at the moment, it seems to be enough. You seem to be a concerned friend (bless your heart) maybe you should offer some help or something?
Best of luck to you and your friend
2007-01-06 09:40:19 · answer #2 · answered by mom*2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At four the child should have learned, or at the very least, be learning not to interrupt adults in their conversations. In dealing with our (almost four) grandson, he has learned to say "excuse me", and to wait if asked, before breaking into a conversation. If the conversation is general in nature, he may be allowed to interrupt, and be given time to speak. This is teaching fairness and responsibility at the same time. As to cleaning his room, if it is just picking up his toys, and clothes, then he should, if it is dusting and vacuuming, it may be a little too much. Threatening to spank, and not doing it becomes an "empty threat". If you threaten a punishment for misbehaving, then do it. A system of punishment and reward, by the giving or withholding of items, usually works, reserving the occasional slap on the backside, for the most serious of transgressions.
2007-01-06 09:58:29 · answer #3 · answered by Beau R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing I noticed that you said is that she threatens to spank him, but doesn't. This isn't good parenting. If you tell your child that there will be a punishment in place if they don't do what they're told, and then don't follow through with it, the child will learn that they can get away with certain things and know that they have a slight power over the parent. This isn't good. A parent needs to establish rules and let the child know that the parent is in charge and there will be punishments to bad behavior. Spanking, in my opinion, isn't such a bad thing. I was spanked as a child and I honestly think it helped me to learn right, wrong, and now I believe to have a healthy subconscious fear of doing something I know is wrong. This is my take on it at least.
Children at the age of four are in a stage known as "Initiative vs. Guilt" where they want to take control of their environment and have a little control. The action of cleaning their room might just give them that little bit of control they seek.
Make sure your friend isn't being too demanding (such as a dictator would be to ones subject) but a little of give-and-take is in order.
2007-01-06 10:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by Pyrai 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
4 was a rough age for my son. He was fine at 2 and 3, but it was age 4 that he started to test limits. I sympathize with your friend. It's easy to believe that having spoken (or yelled) to the child is enough to curtail the behavior, especially if she's stressed or home with the kids all day. Kids interrupt. It's a pain until they learn not to.
I taught my son to pick up his toys after he learned to walk. I think it's ok for her to ask him to pick up his room.
My son is going on 8 and I threatened to spank a couple of months ago... I was pushed to my limit! It happens to the best of us.
2007-01-06 09:38:23 · answer #5 · answered by meanjanine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not too young to be taught to be polite and respect...just not sure shes going about it right, threatening him.
Empty threats give children the idea that there is no conseqence for their actions.
However, violence is never a good consequence.
Apparently, he needs more attention than the phone ...LOL
2007-01-06 09:51:34 · answer #6 · answered by kwik98 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From my years of raising kids, I learned that yelling is a waste of time. I feel once you raise your voice you have lost the battle. I also feel that you should only talk positive to children. He is to young to spend to much time worrying about his room and the shape its in, he needs simple little chores, that are easy for his little mind to comprehend. Your friend need to take a chill, , quit talking on the phone ( kids hate it when parents are on the phone so they act badly to get attention) Spend more time reading and giving the little guy one on one time. When she disa[lines she needs to do it without the yelling , but she needs to carry through. Goodluck with your friend
2007-01-06 09:35:52 · answer #7 · answered by zarem 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is totally normal. A child will never learn to stop interrupting unless you correct them. My 5yo has nothing to say to me until the second I pick up the phone and then he talks a mile a minute. She is not expecting too much of her son, the only person with too high of expectations is you.
2007-01-06 09:29:18 · answer #8 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes, she is being abusive VERBALLY ABUSIVE, and making a
four year old to clean his room is not right, yeah, they could pick up their own toys, but not like cleaning-cleaning. I would investigate her more; pay her a visit and see how she reacts and behaves around the children. Could be that she is stressed out and tired, why don't you offer free babysitting?
If, her behavior continues call Child Protective Services.
They should be able to help you with your concerns as well.
http://www.kidshealth.org
http://www.parenting.com
http://www.mothering.com
http://www.parents.com
http://www.cchr.org
2007-01-06 11:55:25 · answer #9 · answered by Sabine 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, none of us are perfect, sometimes we yell when we should explain. Sometimes, the little darlings just won't take no for an answer.
2007-01-06 09:26:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋