Im 20 yrs old and my parents are wary of letting me have a boyfriend. Ive had one already and it was "out in the open" but they never failed to tell me that they'd prefer if I was single. I really like this guy right now and Im planning to introduce him to my parents but if I do this, they'll surely be stricter than usual (when I go out, they'll give me an earlier curfew and Im sure that at the back of their heads they're thinking if Im out with my friends or the guy and if Im hiding something). HELP!
2007-01-06 00:50:20 · 23 answers · asked by cinnamon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You're 20! You are an adult and in charge of your own life now.
You should introduce him to your parents. If they start to become a nuisance then you should out-right explain to them that they're burdening your love life! You're old enough to look after yourself now; do they want you to grow old and lonely? It's best to at least get some experience in dating even if this isn't Mr Right - can't they see that?
Good luck :)
MaybeLater_x
2007-01-06 00:53:58 · answer #1 · answered by Deconstitutionalization 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok here is a plan of action for you...
1. Sit down and talk to your parents. Keep an open mind. Tell them you love them and respect their opinions. Try to understand where they are coming from. Whatever you do, don't let this turn into a fight or a yelling match. You have to demonstrate your maturity and thought process. Tell them you really want to understand their reasoning for this. You may want to get these reasons down on paper. Some reasons may include:
-You get carried away - neglecting your school / work
- You have poor taste in people and pick the wrong guys / jerks
- they are having a hard time with the idea of their little girl growing up
2. Don't argue with them but rather go back and review what they have told you in solitude. Think about it. For each point ask yourself to articulate specific reasons whether you agree / disagree with the issue.
3. Schedule a follow-up talk with them (make sure it is at least 2 days after the original talk so they can know you have given it all thought) and make your case. Try to come to some rules you both can live with and some measurable points (e.g. if you see my GPA drop below 3.2 then I will get rid of the boyfriend, if I break curfew X% of the time...)
While you are living in their house you have to respect their wishes.
2007-01-06 09:02:08 · answer #2 · answered by extraordinareality 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What ethnic background do you come from...as old fashioned as it is I realize some groups still do arranged marriages.
You are old enough to pick your own friends and go where you want with them. Your parents may be more open to a (boy)friend if you go out with others in a group.
Parents always want what is best for their kids. If they are helping you through school with the costs and such you should show the respect they are asking for and live by their rules.
You can still have the boyfriend but make it a friend relationship for now. If he's serious about you then the sex can wait.
2007-01-06 09:51:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your parents have their reasons for wanting you to remain single. There are a lot of unanswered questions here but here's the best advice I can give you.
You are 20 years old and legally an adult and should be capable of making your own decisions...provided there is nothing preventing you, physically, mentally and emotionally, from making sound decisions.
You are at an age where you should be able to have an adult conversation with your parents. If you are afraid of having a discussion with your parents, then you may not be mature enough for a relationship. If your parents are simply unreasonable, then it is time for you to consider alternative living arrangements. You are much too old to sneak out of the house and keep secrets from your parents.
If you have not completed your education, then your focus should be on school and you should have goals for yourself. If you have finished your education (beyond high school), you should be focused on attaining a career and purchasing a home. Once you have set about achieving some of your goals, then you will be prepared to commit to a relationship. I am a firm believer that no one is ready for committing themselves to a relationship if they have not set goals and achieved some level of independence and self-worth.
2007-01-06 09:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For goodness' sake, you are 20! You do as you want, you do not give in to parents at your age. Be more courageous! It's your damn life and not theirs. Of course, every parent would like to see their kids living with them forever and ever, even as adults. But you have to create your own destiny.
Another thing, at 20, you do not recognise curfews imposed by parents. This is ridiculous, as if you are still 12 or 13. Ask your parents to grow up and recognise that you are not a kid any more and that you are free to do as you please. If they disapprove, tell them you will do as you wish anyway, as you are a grown up and can decide for yourself what is better for you. You don't have to suppress your feelings and keep on satisfying your parents anymore.
All the best!
2007-01-06 09:24:27 · answer #5 · answered by Calculus 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The job of parents is to protect their kids until they can protect themselves. Are you able to protect yourself? Some forget to think about when the kid is able to protect herself. Unless you are somehow handicapped, they seem to be doing now what they should have been doing when you were 15 or 16. Tell them that you are a grown woman, you have assured yourself this fella is no danger to you and will, in fact, protect you, that you are not hiding something and will not adhere to overly strict curfews. You'll need to prepare yourself ahead of time for their possible reaction.
2007-01-06 08:59:46 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if your 20 and have a job get your own place. I mean your parents shouldn't be giving you curfews but then again if your living in their house free I guess they can. But to be honest it sounds like they're going a little bit overboard. I mean do they honestly think you will always remain single. Get your own place and then you can date whoever you wish to date. good luck ;o)
2007-01-06 09:10:24 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to let them know you have one. I've been there, have done that sort of thing.I was young then and in school with a promising future. all your parents want is for you to have a bright future. You might get pregnant, your boyfriend might not have money to pay for expenses and all of that stuff you know... I kept my serious relationship and we finally came out in the open after 2 years(am 22 now) when I got a nice decent good paying job. My dad is cool because i can bring my boyfriend at home to eat dinner with him now.Nice reward.The wait is worth it.
2007-01-06 08:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by kawai_ona20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They may be of the opinion that your not mature enough, and by the sound of this ? I have to agree with them!! Have your folks let you make any decisions for yourself?? Do you act as immuture as you sound?? There concerns may be legit!! I think you've got some growing up to do, and your not going to do it in THEIR home. Time to cut the apron strings and move out with a friend, when they see how you handle that situation, they may respect you more!! Good Luck!!
2007-01-06 09:11:43 · answer #9 · answered by mamaexfour 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At age 20, why are you not out on your own? If you are in school and your parents are supporting you, you can't blame them for thinking that they make the rules!
If you have given them no reason not to trust you, have you tried talking to them to tell them that you are old enough to make those decisions by yourself?
2007-01-06 10:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Marilyn E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋