parent hell pls help!?

Question

im 23 years old and a single mom i have been with my on/off boyfriend for a year he moved in with me but a few months ago we had an argument and he had me by the throat so i asked him to leave he has never done anything like this b4 i told my parents and now they hate him but he has since grown up a bit and relised wot he done we are now secretly seeing each other again we both love each other very much but my parents told me if i ever got back with him then they would have nothing to do with me what do i do

thanx for your ansews some of u have said im being selfish actually im not never has my daughter been harmed in anyway the night it happened she wasnt even here i am thinking of my daughter this is why im asking for advise she will always come first to me

Answer 1

Get rid of him and don't look back. My sister-in-law was in an abusive relationship, and as far as I know it was only verbal abuse, but people don't usually change. It may seem like they're better for awhile, but they usually revert back to their old self. Why take the chance, for yourself and your daughter, it is definitely not worth it. I would never ever grab my wife in anger, why would you do that to someone you love? Doing the right thing is often hard, but I think you know what you need to do.

Answer 2

Hi

I am sorry to hear about all of this.

I'd like to be honest with you. You are very young and have a big, full life ahead of you. You also have a beautiful child to take care of. The last thing you need in your life is for someone to start being abusive to you. It will eventually rub off on your child and will ruin your life.

Remember, you only live once on this earth. The same goes with your child. They are given only one chance at life. So, you must make the best of it.

In relationships, we all try to see the "good" in people and are blinded by the bad. Everyone goes through this. So, it's easy to latch on to someone, even if they have done something bad to you.

Your boyfriend is abusive. Even if he did this once, there is no excuse for him to lay a finger on your in that way. It will happen again, trust me, and it will get worse and worse and worse.

Please leave your on/off boyfriend now. Concentrate on yourself and your child right now. You will eventually stumble across someone who is not abusive.

Remember, there are millions upon millions of other "better catches" for you out there. Trust me. They will come along.

Good luck

Answer 3

Can you blame your parents? REALLY?
You told them that he nearly knifed you (which you should've done, good job), so that could put them off him for life. It's not so easy to believe that somebody has turned over a new leaf all the time, you know?
It's not right to be seeing him secretly; not right for you, him or your parents! You should tell your parents that you're dating again, but I'd advise against him moving back in with you for the time being. It will take a long time for him to regain that trust; and so it should!

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

It is NEVER ok for a man to put his hands on a woman in a violent way. I would never, and I do repeat never forgive him or allow him the opportunity to do it again.

By letting him back in, you've told him that, that kind of behavior is ok. Eventually it WILL happen again.

I've been married for 15 years, and we've had difficulties, everyone does, but never 1x in that 15 years has my husband ever hurt me physically.

I think a man hurting a woman physically is the same thing as rape, it's a power thing. And, as a woman I need to trust the men in my life not to use their size and strength against me, ever. If a man ever crossed that line, I would never be able to trust him again.

Answer 5

One mistake is enough. If it EVER happens again, GET OUT and don't look back. You not only have to think about yourself, but your child. If this is on again off again, I would re-think it anyway. If he was true he would be there for you all the time, not just occasionally. Find someone who wants to spend their life with you. your parents don't live your life for you. What example are you setting for your child by sneaking around, especially at your age???????? I have never had a guy raise his hand to me. Not because they were afraid, out of respect for me. If my husband ever did though, he would pull back a stump. Anyone for that matter.

Answer 6

never accept a man hurting you. i don't know the whole story so i can't comment on what you should do but i live by one rule, if a man hits me, he only does it once. You're parents are trying to protect you, don't just ignore what he's done because you love him, loving something doesn't make it right for you. What about your child, what if he ever lashes out at him/her? I'm not saying leave him, just think, if he got away with it once he's more likely to try it again.

Answer 7

Tell your parents the truth, that you still have feelings for him and have decided to give it another go. Tell them you understand their dislike and distrust of him but you honestly feel that he has changed and grown up since what happened. You are their daughter and they love you and their grandchild/ren they just want you all to be safe and happy. So their reaction is understandable. Make sure you DO trust him again before bring him into your lives again as you have child/ren to consider and their happiness and safety should be your number 1 priority. Good luck

Answer 8

You were his victim... you called out for help... to your parents... How else would they feel about their little girl?
His bad behaviour was rewarded by you. By getting back together,you now are being even more deceptive because you are sneaking around behind peoples backs. I guess he has really rubbed off on you.
You think he has grown up... Why is he continuing to sneak around, and hide your relationship.?
Why didn't he have you move in with him and support you... He is a lazy bum and uses his charm and manipulation and bad boy role to keep you paying... that is why. He should be paying his share and being responsible, if he is a real man, but he isn't. He hasn't taken responsibility for what he has done, and you let him get away with it!!!!!!!!
Why hasmn't he gone to your parents to talk to them???.
Yeah, he's grown up all right. What are you thinking?
Has he ever apologized to you or your parents? Or asked for forgiveness, or mentined getting help for his anger management.
Until he can be a man and do these things and take the flack that he so richhly deserves for this behaviour, you can tell yourself what you want, but he is still the same man,
He is just not letting you see this bad behaviour for now!!!!!!!
You are aiding him and abetting him, like a criminal scenario. Why on earth would you want to not have a real relationship out in the open?
You fear,,,, the consequences that is why? Your parents have told you in their own way, if you want to subject yourself to further chances of violence and abuse then don't cry on our shoulders....
That is what you are afraid of... so somewhere in the back of your mind, you do worry about a repeat episode.
You have to learn to love yourself enough to not be used as a punching bag by anyone.
You have to learn to protect yourself from these kind of people whether you love them or not.
Your love with him is based on fear of losing him, deceit and violence.
Real love is based on unconditional love, respect,and honesty. You have none of these with him.
You can keep telling yourself lies, if that is what you want to do. Somewhere down the line, you will see how this man for who he really is and how you have methodically let him tarnish your spirit.
This my dear, is all about self preservation, self love and self respect. it is not about what should I do??????????
You obviously don't think you are worthy. Stop and smell the roses. Think outside the relationship, think about your future with this kind of man.
If you are mature enough to have your own place and work then you are mature enough to know a loser when you have one.
Your parents are right and you are wrong....
You had better think about this twisted path that you are on and make a decision soon. You are going nowhere., fast.
Don't be afraid to admit to a mistake, clean out your house now, get away from this man.

Answer 9

u need to know who you are dealing with, as a young lady, you stlii have a lot to learn from your parents. If he ever had you to the throa, then you must have been tolerating for long, be careful and i see no reason why you should be seeing in secrete, if any thing goes wrong again, you will be frustrated because you will have no confidant. Be wise, i will suggest you listen to your parents and don't be driven by "love". good luck.

Answer 10

Pardon me for saying this but it's not your parents who are putting you in hell [if that was the intent of your question]. You are putting your health, (including emotional health) in danger by being with this fella. You get that, right? If not, you are not making good decisions but are somehow addicted to abuse. Don't give me that crap about "I love him" because love is a choice and there are many parts to love. And being strangled isn't one of the parts of love. Your parents are much more sensible about the situation than you are. Figure out why you are self-destructive and hold yourself in such low esteem.