No, don't tell me it's time to move on. We are both older and I know exactly what I want. Also, at my age I won't move on, I might let go, but will love him for the rest of my life, absolutely no doubt about that. I met him on a dating site, we got involved, quite passionately, but live in different countries. I flew to his country to meet him the first time and it was... gosh, I can't describe it... We were together for a week, and after that kept contact and met up in different countries a few times again (I'm EFLing and travelling). The problem is that after each meeting he's strange, distant in his emails, which hurt me and caused me to refuse to see him again. His reaction was fury, he broke all contact with me, but I still email him. I know that he has a lot of family issues after a sad childhood, not talking to some other fam members, and I know he's addicted to anonymous sex. I'm a Christian, he isn't, and I just keep believing and praying... Should I stop trying?
2007-01-06 00:25:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Pray to God and ask if this is to be, then let the doors be opened for the relationship. If it isn't meant to be, then ask God to close all the doors. You will have your answer. May God bless you.
2007-01-06 00:33:50 · answer #1 · answered by judirose2001 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think you answered your own question. No one can answer this for you!
In my experience, Long distance relationships don't work, oh ya, you are in love for that week or two when you meet, and you may dream and wish that you could drop everything and move to each others country. But long distance is exactly that, you revel in the fact that you won't be together, and a break from each other is great. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is as true a saying as there ever was one. You will miss him, love him, and most likely not date for a very long time. But if you keep an attitude like that you won't get anywhere.
Remember how you felt before you met him, probably lonely, depressed, and felt like you would never meet anyone, that's why you joined the dating service to begin with. It's going to be the same situation, but you have experience in your belt, a romantic story that will live in your mind until your dying days, and probably the same opportunity to meet someone new as you did before. So get out there and meet people, and don't bother with this guy any more.
By the way... His addiction to anonymous sex? If HE told you that get rid of him, because he opened a ticket of permission to sleep with whom ever he wants and you are just signing it by staying with him. It was an excuse he used to try and get you to leave him, and now that he can do whatever he wants, what does he have to lose.
2007-01-06 00:37:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is one you don't want...thats for sure...
Your playing games ...He's playing games...You are in love with the fantasy and don't want the reality...That is not alright...You have issues and so does he and not adressing them seperately (you alone and him alone) before you get further involved emotionally or physically is just asking for trouble...where's he going? Don't have time?
Loving him forever doesn't mean anything if your relationship doesn't work out ..It's all flowery and a showy statement...so what if you think about him fondly forever and he never thinks of you again... Sounds like you want love more than you want him...what are you praying for? Him to suddenly change?? It takes real self awareness and ruthless honesty to deal with issues..Is he gonna do that for himself or for you and will you look hard at yourself ?
As far as you being a christian that only means you should be able to access real advice from above ..again advice you probably don't want to hear...
simple answer is this If you are here asking the world for advice on yahoo ....you're already admitting you're having a real problem with this whole thing....
all this from a guy who wants to believe in unconditional love..... not here and now...If he had sex with your sister /if he beat you daily...would you still love him/or be in love with him?Addressing your own issues first wouldn't bethe worst idea would it??Age has nothing to do with knowing what you want....and the fact that you're asking the question alone proves you don't...
2007-01-06 01:07:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I think I have it figured out. The issue here is not his childhood or his religion or that you said something to upset him or your age or any of that.
The issue here is that intense, long distance relationships that are born on the internet and stay on the internet do not work. The internet is not the real world. The goal of using the internet to meet people is to get off the internet and try to build a real life with the person. This is hard. It's especially hard because a lot of the people who use internet dating (or the internet to socialize) do so as a substitute for having long lasting, loving relationships in real life.
I'm not going to tell you it's time to move on. I respect your feelings and judgement. I am going to tell you that you owe it to yourselves to get this relationship into the real world as soon as possible to see if you can build a life together. One intense week is not enough. Sure there may be some attraction and build up of emotions but this is not a good indicator of long term compatibility.
Your next step is simple. You need to communicate with him directly and tell him why he is special to you. You then need to express a desire to see if your relationship can work in the real world and ask him if he is as curious to find out as you are. If he says no, then you have your answer and you need to respect it. Try to be as objective as possible. Listen to what he has to say. It takes 2 hands to clap. If you feel like you are one hand clapping well then you know what to do.
Good luck and God bless!
2007-01-06 00:38:27 · answer #4 · answered by extraordinareality 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've been played. He got what he wanted from you and he wants no more. Doubtless he is lining up several other women to do the same thing to as we discuss this.
Sure he may be 'Wow!', but the one person in the world who knows this more than anyone is him. Just ask him...he will tell you that.
He wants just one (shallow) thing from life - to f**k as many women as possible (and, dear, you have clearly been f*cked, not loved). Why? Because he can. Just like a scorpion can sting and kill. Because it can.
If I may add too, it seems crazy for you to say 'there will be no other'. At 46 years of age, I feel very strongly that each one of us truly loves with an intense passion only once in our lives. 99% of the time, with the wrong person. A person we knew from Day 1 was going to f**k us over. Nevertheless, this does not mean that we cannot find love in a different form.
My nemesis was a very beautiful German woman I met when I was a post-grad student in Berlin. I was so in love with her, even though I knew, and everyone who knew her, told me she was a b*tch. She broke me in two, as you have been broken in two (it's not just men who are players!)
Thank God, after time, I met another woman, a real Italian beauty from Naples. We have been married more than 20 years now, and we have two great kids. Never say never dear!
Next time, join a health club, not a dating website. They are full of players.
2007-01-06 00:40:01 · answer #5 · answered by Superdog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Long distance love is hard. He shouldn't be different after your meetings. If anything, that should make you two closer. Something is not right on his part. The sex addiction is a major flag also. Find someone who is closer to you and loves you the way that you love him. If you must, just keep this guy as a pleasant little memory in your heart. And another thing, please do not think that there will be no other love in your life, because it will if you let it!!
2007-01-06 00:42:41 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Zoey ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How frequently do you finally end up feeling lonely? just about on a daily basis when I come domicile from college :( Are you finding for a protracted term relationship, a one night stand, just to play around, or have you ever discovered your 'somebody'? i assume long term. i haven't discovered the final individual yet. same intercourse marriage, against or for? i'm for it. How do YOU forget approximately somebody who you enjoyed lots? I enable time to heal, or only locate somebody else.. anybody individual you omit? i do no longer likely omit THEM, yet I omit what we had :( once you seem to the night sky, and you're making a desire, who/ what do you like for? i do no longer make desires.. In a individual: are seems or character greater significant to you? character. in the event that they are warm than this is considered an advantage lol have you ever been in a protracted distance relationship? sure. could you fairly meet somebody at a bar, or at someplace the place you should share common pursuits, including a school of dance, or maybe a animal defend the place you volunteer. the situation does not surely count number to me. If I meet somebody and we click, the area of the place we've been may be the final element on my ideas xD maximum inspirational quote that relates on your life? Albert Einstein: mind's eye is greater significant than awareness. What/ who gets you thru your toughest days? acquaintances and kin.
2016-11-26 23:41:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes--I feel you should stop trying at this point. I really think that as much you feel for him--he probably used you for an anonymous sex partner--no matter what the cost to you or him and now since his needs are fulfilled--for him-this is over and he's finished with you--leaving you in quiet heartbreak. I am very sorry this has happened to you. You cannot say that there will be no other--you don't know that--no one can predict the future--there might be someone walk into your life tomorrow and steal your heart--who knows--it happens--but for now--try to focus on you and know that this man is not really who he made himself out to be. Blessings.
2007-01-06 00:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a painful situation, but yes, I'd let go of him. Imagine if the two of you were to be together. Now you have distance that allows you time to process when he gets strange and distant. If you were living together in the same household, could you handle that same behavior, along with his addiction to anonymous sex? You deserve more for yourself. It may be painful for now, but the chances are that you will find someone else. Hold the good memories close to your heart and wish him peace in his journey through life. I speak from experience - I've recently dealt with a similar situation in my own life and letting him go was painful, but worth it.
2007-01-06 00:36:05 · answer #9 · answered by Janet Q 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you have to weigh it up.
On one hand you could go with him and have a wonderful life together, but having said that you may have to put up with him getting angry and having anonymous sex. So do you want to risk having to go through that for a potentially better life?
or
You could let him go and continue living alone, assuming that your older and won't move on. You would have peace of mind knowing that you missed out on potential heartache and pain, but you will never know what could have been. Can you live without knowing that?
I don't think anyone here is qualified to answer your question but you, (personally I think you underestimate yourself and you could do better) but if you do go with him and it is a mistake it will be your mistake to make and at least you tried.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
2007-01-06 00:40:51 · answer #10 · answered by Ben R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you answered your own question.......He is addicted to
anonymous sex - you are a Christian and he is not. Do you really see a future with him, or do you just wish you had a future with him? His reaction to your refusal to see him, was fury!!! The man sounds like he has some really major problems. Take care of yourself, first. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-01-06 00:38:21 · answer #11 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋