But the catch is He has already been married and had 3 wonderfully boys!!! Which NOw a days, Im the mother type for them, the ex-psycho wifee left!!! ANd now he wants to marry me, and I wonder if it's the right decision. Would this be soo much different than the first?
2007-01-06 00:05:56 · 17 answers · asked by im a keeper 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You are asking if step-parenting is a good decision? I hope so. I intend to do it shortly myself. As far as the kids go, the last thing they want is for you to be like their mother. They already have a mother and she will always be mom. Step-parenting has inheirant difficulties, as does all parenting. Just keep yourself grounded. There's plenty of literature available on the specific problem you will likely encounter.
Should you forego the experience in fear of failure? I think you'd be cheating yourself. And maybe three kids that have had enuff bad luck for one childhood, eh? Buckle-up tight and enjoy the ride. GL ;)
2007-01-06 00:07:59 · answer #1 · answered by your_name_here 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would consider what the dating thing was like with him. Did you get to go out often? Did you like going out often? You say "had 3 (er) wonderfully boys!!!" ? Whatever that means. Are they gone then? Dating someone and playing house for real are 2 different things. Consider that the boys may have been coached to be on their best behavior during any visits or meetings you have had. You are not going to be caring for the one man, but perhaps four males. If you have already been doing the Mom thing, I suppose you know what you are in for.You may get some relief if the ex wife has visit rights. Otherwise, you might not ever get the alone time with the man you fell for. If I were you, I would wait a bit, and see if the new family degenerates over time.
2007-01-06 08:26:11 · answer #2 · answered by Horndog 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not sure, wait and continue the relationship. Has he introduced you to his kids? If he exposes his children to women that he is dating, his judgment is not the best. His ex-wife is still going to be in the picture with them and with your guy for likely a long time. Children do not easily give up their attachments to their mother and often take it out on step-moms, so your being "the mother type" may be a fantasy that will lead you into a great deal of frustration. Second marriages have a higher failure rate than first marriages. Your guy had a role in the failure of his marriage—can he acknowledge that? How did he pick his first wife? How thoughtful has he been about picking you? There are many problems that will face you in this marriage. Take your time and get a feel for this family before you agree. You should have a strong conviction from your experiences and not the ideas of strangers like me on a board.
2007-01-06 08:21:09 · answer #3 · answered by DrB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard one the answer, I'd say if you are comfortable with your life with him, go for it make the man happy and marry the dude. If you can't stand the kids, hate the ex-psycho wife, and he treats you like the replacement wife, wait another month or year to see what skeletons come out of the cupboard.
2007-01-06 08:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask that question, then I don't think you should. You haven't even said whether you love HIM. Don't marry him for his children. They grow up and move away. The psycho ex-wife may very well turn up again and turn your life into a living hell. You'd better know for sure that you love that guy before you marry him. If you're uncertain, don't do it!
2007-01-06 19:47:55 · answer #5 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if you love him madly, and can picture yourself with no other. You will be a step-mom for his kids, can you handle that?? You would be getting a package deal here and it's usually not an easy thing when children are a part of it. If you love your man, and his children, go for it. The fact that you're questioning it, makes me think you shouldn't rush into anything fast. Take your time and really think things out. One word of warning tho, make sure his kids love you too, or at least like you. If they don't, you will be in for nothing but heartache. Good Luck !
2007-01-06 08:14:23 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Zoey ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should live together, it is always tough in a " ready made family " situation, I wish I had not married my second wife, our ready made didnt make it and the hassle of divorce, plus once they moved in with me they punched holes in the walls, spit on the floor etc, you say you are the mother type to them maybe he is looking for a care giver,, might be sweet and nice now but once married expect you to take care of everything with the boys,, I would proceed with caution,
2007-01-06 08:59:31 · answer #7 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you asking? Have you been with him and the boys? Do you know the whole story about the xwife? Can you handle the 3 boys? There are a lot of questions, so you really have to think about everything and ofcourse, how do you feel for him and the boys? Don't feel sympathy for him, think of yourself and the whole situation. Good Luck.
2007-01-06 08:12:06 · answer #8 · answered by bluemist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and his kids and your positive that he is the one you want to be with forever, then go for it. Just be careful make sure there is no signs that he isn't sure that he wants to be married again. Because he could be the type that gets tired of being with the same person all his life. But good luck.
2007-01-06 08:10:34 · answer #9 · answered by blazin_cripz_2006_0wner.sheena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are a different person. different situation. its NOT going to be the same cause you aren't his ex wife. if you are happy and love him enough to marry him, go for it. but if you have to ask that question, then I 'd say you have alot of soul searching to do. Only do something if it FEELS right in your heart. good luck.
2007-01-06 08:09:42 · answer #10 · answered by zoe and skylar's mommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋