Divorced parents how can i keep both happy?

Question

My parents split becuse they were not in love. Now they hate each other and put me and my sister in the middle. How do i keep them both happy?

Answer 1

These people are grown and it's not your job to please them,they couldn't make them selves happy so how can you do what they've failed to do ?Listen closely honey,just because you love them and they are adults doesn't mean that they know what's best for them selves so you seem to know what's right and wrong so start to trust your judgment and look at the ways of those around you and learn from their actions.Just because they are your parents doesn't make their choices right.Don't try to please them or make them happy,just try to do the things that will better your life and learn from their mistakes because you are getting first hand knowledge on how not to react in difficult situations.Although you and your sister are a part of this mess,you have no responsibility for your parents behavior.

Answer 2

First of all it is not your job to keep them both happy. Right now they are probably telling you how bad the other one is, right? That's what my parents did to my sister and I after they divorced. Each of them would talk about the other one every time I saw them. I finally had to tell them I didn't want to talk about the other one or the divorce. I just wanted to visit and not have the divorce be the center of conversation on every visit. It will get better, you just have to tell them that you love them both and want to have a relationship with both , without anyone getting angry. I'm sorry you are going through this...it is not fun, but I wish you and your family the best and I hope it will get easier soon.

Answer 3

I'd say right off the bad, don't let them put you in the middle. It's not faire to you or your sister. They are putting both of you in a very bad spot by using you to get back at each other.

I'll tell you a quick story about my parents:

They were married when they were 21 and two years later I came along. Five years after that, my younger brother was born. My father had serious problems with keeping a job, maintaining his anger, etc. I know for a fact he hit my mother ( remember some of it). Anyway they divorced in 1978. My dad remarried in 1980 and had a daughter with his second wife. His second wife also had a son from her first marriage.I remember many instances where my mother and father tried to put me in the middle of their arguements.

In 1990 at the age of 42, my father had a large stroke. He lost most of his use of his right hand side as well as a great deal of his speaking ability (this is common for stroke victums). My understanding is that he became abusive after the stroke hitting both his step son, daugther and wife. She then filed for divorce.

He ended up moving to a moble home park in the city he lived in and was retired from his job because of his health condition. In 1997 I graduated from college (the first time around) and my mom, dad, (then) girfriend and the my girlfriend's mom were walking up the stairs in the stadium. My mom turned to take my dad's arm to help him up the stairs. Although I wasn't there (I was getting ready with the other graduates) my (then) girlfriend described what happened.

In 2003, my father had another stroke and was in the hospital again. This was right before my graduation in which I was getting my masters. It almost brought her to tears to see my dad laying there, thin as a rail and sick. But it did confirm one thing to me, even with all the stuff that was said and done by my parents, they could still care about each other.

Answer 4

You aren't responsible for their happiness. I am sure that they want you and your sister to be on "their side", it makes them feel that you love them more than the other parent, and that they are the one in the right. Have you told them what they are putting you through? If you have and they keep doing the same, you can just love them both, and try not to listen to all the other stuff, just walk away when they start...and that's about all you can do I guess. It's very sad when adults are selfish and behave like children themselves. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

You are in a difficult position and it is a shame your parents do not see this. The truth of the matter is that you cannot keep them both happy because happiness is a choice and your parents are not choosing this. The divorce has nothing to do with you so you have to keep yourself out of the middle. For example, if your father wants you to relay a message to your mother, respectfully tell him that puts you in an awkward position and he should talk to her directly. If your parents bad mouth each other in your presence, respectfully tell them that you do not appreciate that and ask them to stop. Do not allow yourself to get caught up in their bitterness. You are not the cause of this problem and it is not your responsibility to fix it. Put that responsibility on them and move on with your life. I wish you well.

Answer 6

you can't fix their problem and it's not your responsibility. you sound more grown up then they do. when parents put their children in the middle, they are acting with a selfish mode. don't let them do this to you and your sister. just go on being yourself and loving each of them for what they are. try not to make excuses for the other when you are with one parent. don't get into saying what the other is doing. just keep topics on yourself and what you have been doing. i'd tell each of them that they are splitting from each other but not from their children and we don't want to be put in the middle, we love you both. so just because the two of you can't get along, doesn't mean we can't love each of you for what you are and we won't get involved in the messiness of their relationship.

Answer 7

You can't. They have put you in an impossible position and are using the kids to get back at one another. This is unfortunate and hurtful to everyone.

You have to examine your definition of "happy" for them. What is realistic? Are you going to cause them to fall back in love with one another (not likely)

The best you can do is to respect them and be objective to both. You must tell them each that you love them and the other parent equally and because you do, you will never pick a side. You must tell them that just because they are no longer in love with one another doesn't mean there can no longer be any love in the family and that we have to ruin everything that is good.

Answer 8

You can not keep both parents happy they have to be happy themself parents divorce is they are not happy with themself and get the eays way out. But your parent love you and your sister andby them being apart does not mean that they love you all they are doing is making things better for the both of you. There is help for children who's parents get divorce and can be lead to the right track for yourself and your sister.

Answer 9

Awww i'm so sorry, hun. Take a deep breath. My mom and dad are interior the technique of a divorce suited now too and a few are messier than others. i don't be attentive to approximately you, yet my mom and dad can't additionally be interior the comparable room with out battling. that is damaging. do not pay attention to what your mom says. i've got discovered mom and dad could be selfish throughout divorce. in case you prefer to stay with your dad, decide on what's sweet for you. do purely not take aspects with one confirm over the different, that is going to easily grow to be a large number. what's going to probable take place is you will stay with one confirm in the process the week (Monday-Friday) and visit the different's domicile on the weekends. It sounds undesirable, besides the undeniable fact that that is okay. Unfortunatly, you could not cease the divorce. that could be a style of issues in existence it is out of your administration. that is absolutly not your fault. it is between your mom and your dad. My superb advice is to lean on somebody close to to you throughout those circumstances, like a grandparent or a pal. stay reliable, hun, it will all blow over. i don't grant this very regularly, yet once you ever want every person to talk to, i will furnish you with my digital mail and that i will make it easier to to thru it because of the fact that we are interior the comparable boat. sturdy success and howdy, happy New 12 months!

Answer 10

You'll never be able to keep them both happy, they have too many unresolved issues. All you can do is to let them know that you love them both equally, but won't choose one parent over the other one. Best of luck to you and your sister!