am i wrong?

Question

i am 14wks preg and im no longer with my partner (recent mutual break up)
i have always been adament, even when we were together that the baby would have my surname as we were un married and that if we did marry that it would be changed.

i have agreed that he can be present and record his details on the birth certificate but he is planning on causeing a fuss etc and is planning on forcing me to give the baby his name. he will be named as the father.

i have told him to grow up as i could refuse to inform him of when im registering the birth and he wont be named (as we are unmarried the law states he dosent have parental responsibility with issues like this as well as medical decisions concerning the child.)

i just feel guilty about this but im doing it for many reasons including my personal experience when i was a child and the fact he did this with his previous children. i know we wont get back together at all. but i just wants best for my child

i was teased as a child as i had a different name to my mum when growing up. i dont want this to happen again to my child.

i just wish people could try and understand what its like to bullied severly at school because you have a different name to ur mum. i suffered badly at school and i really dont want my child to go through that. because i had my dads name and my mum remarried it got much worse as she couldnt legally change my name with out my real dads permission. i was even bullied by my half sisters because of it. if i had my mums and the choice to have my step dads i wouldnt have gone through this.

hope this makes it a little clearer

im 22 so it wasnt that long ago that i left school! i was teased because i had my dads name and my mum remarried and had his name. so i had a different name from all my family!

Answer 1

The question you both need to answer is, what is best for the child? While it's not as much of a stigma as it once was for a child/parent to have different names, I believe it still needs to be considered. It appears to me that his insistence that the baby use his name is nothing but ego talking and that you stick to your guns on this issue.
However, he should be identified as the father on the birth certificate.

Answer 2

Children have the right to have their fathers name. When you were a child it was a much different time. The fact is during that time the bulling was because your parents weren't married not that your mothers name was important. Anyway what country do you live in ? World wide most children are born to un married parents so most children in schools come for one parent families There's no stigma to that anymore.

If the father is going to help support the child , not just with $ -£ why not share parental responsibility it should be equal !! The law has nothing to do with you both having s*x whilst you became pregnant so why quote it now ?

There is a alternative I can suggest use a double barrel surname

Answer 3

there is no reason the child should have his last name any more then yours,,,,, and i personally think its best and less confusing if the child carries the name of the person they are living with,,,, in this case you,,,,,, a compromise might be to list his name before yours,,,,, and in John David Smith Jones,,, if his name was Smith and yours is Jones,,,,, that way,,,,, Jones will be the babies official last name,,,,,, yet the father is recognized in some way,,,,,,, this may be best for the child also,,,,,, even if it turns out the father isnt a big part of his/her life
ps: keep in mind, if you use that, only Jones will be the last name,,, as you are not hyphenating the name,,,,,,,, and also you can give a baby as many names as you wish, so you still can have a first and middle name,,,,,

Answer 4

When you were a child people usually had the same last names as their parents. Coming from a teacher, this is no longer the case. We live in a changing society. As little as 30years ago the same situation would be cause for a shotgun wedding.

Every kid gets teased for something. Get over it.

Answer 5

Hey well I'm a child who like urself didn't have married parents but my mom did do something very clever to make my difficult father happy.

I have two last names, on my birth certificate my last name is Durbin-Smith, Durbin my dads last name and smith is my moms.

So when i went to school my mom only put the last part, smith, but on all my government documents like my birth certificate, Social security card, state ID I have both names and I can use both names if i chose because it is on my birth certificate but I can also use Smith, which I do for my signature and bills and things like that.

If u put both names on the birth certificate just make sure first is his last name and then ur name. That way ur last name will be the last no matter what and if u want to u can only put ur last name when it goes to school and things like that and it will have the option when it gets old enough to decide to just use ur last name or both.

I hope this helps

Answer 6

In a case like this where the mother has custody and a marriage didn't take place, the child should have the mother's name. You shouldn't feel guilty...do what's best for the child. Good luck with the new baby!!

Answer 7

I personally would give the baby your last name. Like you said it will save a lot of grief for your child and a lot of clarification at Dr offices, schools etc. I had a baby before I was married and he recieved my last name, also once I was married I changed my middle name to my maiden name so until (if) he decides to take my husbands last name (he's 10yrs), when registering him in school or signing papers we still have the same names. A friend of mine gave her son his fathers last name, they broke up, and she was constantly having to prove custody when changing schools and the like. I wouldn't feel guilty because its your responsibility to do whats best for your child not whats best for his/her father or even for yourself. Good luck on your decision!

Answer 8

i left my child's father when she was 6 weeks old. she has his name. he has messed her about. has not seen her for years and has never contributed a penny to her upbringing. he also has children from a previous mar rage which he is the same with. i think you are making the right decision although if he wants to be a part of the child's life then you should encourage it for your child's sake. if i had known what would have happened my daughter would have had my surname. i felt like i was forced into giving her his name.

people often assume that i am Mrs *** because they assume that i have the same surname as my child. especially school.

Answer 9

This guy sounds like a real winner! No you are not wrong. Give the baby your name. The father has no control over which surname the baby is given and can not force you legally.

Answer 10

I feel that you have every right to give your baby your last name. If you are no longer with your baby's father and don't feel you will get back together then you will be the one raising this baby on your own. Therefore I feel it is your right to name your baby after you. Good luck with your bub!!! (and DONT feel guilty.)