Am I in the wrong about my boyfriends porn habit?

Question

So tonight I lost it.
Here's what happened:
I spend alot of time at his house. He falls asleep earlier than me often, and to pass the time I go online and check emails, participate in a couple message boards, go on yahoo answers, etc.
Well you know how when you are going back and forth from one site to another, instead of typing the web address each time, you can hit that little down arrow and see what websited were visited recently and just click on them to go back. Ok, well I often see that he has visited porn sites. I always try to shake it off, telling myself "a guy is a guy and its none of my business anyways". Tonight I went online after he fell asleep again and saw that the last thing he visited was ANOTHER porn site. I snapped. I woke him up and told him to take me home. He kept asking why and finally I told him. He said he loves me but it helps him get to sleep, ...I left the car in a huff. I love him, should I wait for him to call me or am I in the wrong??

Answer 1

so the problem is with you not him if he is intrested in Porn keep him watching porn as long as it dosen't effect you and no need to ruin a good life for some weired hoby

Answer 2

2

Answer 3

Let me start by saying that your invasion of his personal property while he was asleep is a major violation. You owe him a major apology. If you want to see about something then ask. If he wont show you then question why. Never go thru his stuff without permission. Im sure you have mistakes that you dont want people digging up, so show common courtest....

Now on to your question....

Porn is a very touchy subject in a relationship. It can make it stronger or break it depending on the people. First of all, if there is any specific type ie bondage, or fetish, that he is looking at, it will give you an idea of his fantasies/sexual likes. Secondly, it may have become an addiction. Porn addictions are much like any other addiction in the fact that they are something that is craved by the body, and take time and patients to break. The bottom line is that it is a topic which the two of you should discuss openly. Tell him how you feel about it and LISTEN to his feelings. Ask him to go thru one of the sites wth you and ask him what he likes about it. Then you will have a better understanding and can decide whether this is something you will be comfortable with or if its something he is willing to change. If he is not and you are not, then its probably best to end the romatic side of the relationship as this will drive a wedge between you.

Answer 4

I think you're in the wrong on this one. You invaded his privacy by checking the history on his browser...that's the same as if he had listened to the voice mail on your cell, or read the saved conversations from your instant messenger. You'd feel hurt and betrayed if he had done either of those.

He may not even be looking at as many sites as you think, if he doesn't have a good popup blocker. Lots of porn sites, you click on one and you get a million popups, which would make it look like you'd been to a ton of sites.

Men are more visually oriented than we are. A woman can read a sexy story or think of a fantasy in her mind if she wants to get turned on. Men do better with pictures. It's just the way they are. Your boyfriend isn't comparing you to the pictures he sees. Show him a picture of a nude woman and ask him ten minutes later what color her hair or eyes are, and he won't even be able to tell you. Tell him to close his eyes and tell you what color your hair and eyes are, and he will know...because he cares about you. A porn picture is just a tool for a guy. For lots of guys, masturbation is a habit and a sleep aid and something they've been doing for so long that they don't think of giving it up. I don't think it affects how interested they are in making love. I don't think it really feels the same either (think about it, does it feel the same for you, intercourse or masturbation?).

Anyhow, your boyfriend isn't cheating on you. He's not having dirty conversations with girls online. All he's doing is looking at a few dirty pictures now and then.

Answer 5

I remember when my g/f lost it on me when she saw my porn. That was when she was about 16-17, now at 18 she is more open to sex and doesn't think of it as a dirty word.

Her initial reaction was the fact that I looked at other women instead of her, which could be what is bothering you.

The reason guys need pornography is because sometimes you just can't sleep with an erection and you need to get that release and with ejaculation can bring drowsiness to help sleep.

Some guys can do it without prono, but basically guys are very visually stimulated, and just need anything for the stimulation. You shouldn't worry tho, he would much rather have you, and look at you, and I practically guarantee he doesn't have any emotional attachment to any porn star.

Hope this makes u feel better, and I hope you can forgive him, and let him be himself.

Answer 6

Sweetheart, from a lot of personal experience and working with men in counseling don't worry about the porn unless it starts to affect your relationship with him. If he's on the computer for hours at a time or refuses to have sex with you because he's so engrossed with porn, then you should worry. Men think about sex every 58 seconds or even more often so they are hard wired to look at a woman as much as they possibly can. He's not wishing you looked like them. Heck, he's not even thinking about anything but pleasing himself physically and going to sleep. Call him, tell him how it made you feel, but trust that he loves you and only you and move on.

Answer 7

why would you be going through his stuff. Your at his house on his computer you see something you dont like and yell at him then make him take you home. Thats real nice I dump you in a minute you would be walking home. Ok so he looks at pron so what? Would you rather have him banging some other chick? Maybe you should put out a bit more. Oh Yeah Porn doesn't complain or go through your things while you sleep.

Answer 8

I'd suggest you get up off his sack and let him have some space. There's nothing wrong with porn... it's an outlet for purely physical lust.

Either that or he's going to have blue balls and be in a state that's more susceptible to cheating.

It's a physiological thing in men... we need to ejaculate frequently, especially when younger, or it builds up and drives us mad. Females are wired completely differently, and you're just going to have to take my word on this.

Answer 9

Its OK to act like that, but guys are really like that, they love porn and that's there nature. Give him a condition either he will stop watching or reading porn OR you will have a cool off till he stop that porn stuff.

Answer 10

no, you are definately not in the wrong. porn makes him sleep at night? that sounds so creepy!!! you love him, but don't think "a guy is a guy."

what if you two get married and he's checking out other women? to me, looking at porn is cheating.

i think you two should break up, first of all because having a boyfriend look at porn to put him to sleep is just...very wrong. and second of all,i can see it affects you very much.

but wait! i wouldn't break up with him so fast. he could be using porn as an emotional outlet. but if he seems like he doesn't seem to be too depressed and he's taking this situation lightly, then yea, you should leave him.