How do I get over what happened to me in my childhood?

Question

My family was abusive to me and I still suffering the effects from it. Mostly I have been okay but I get these anger strikes that I can't control. I get so angry and pissed off that I just want to destroy everything I own.

Okay...more about my past...My stepfather beat me everytime he drink(which was almost everyday). My mother ignored my cries for help. My stepsisters called me names and beat me too. My half brother bit out chunk out of my hand and left scars. I can't really remember the rest because it was too awful. I hear from my mother how he used to beat me for crying! FOR CRYING! Like a good whack will stop the tears.

Anyway, it's not the physical abuse that did it. It was the fact that I still trusted every one of them until I was 14. Everytime they hurt me, I would cry because of the pain on my body and the pain in my heart. It still hurts me now knowing that they liked hurting me. I still cry about it because I don't know how to cope.

Also, I can't afford therapy. And I have already tried that route. I had two of them and both of them told me to get over it and here are some pills. Gee Thanks...

Answer 1

I can identify with you even though I'm a 51 year old man. You sound like a young woman so you have loads of Hope. Hell. I still cry too sometimes. Sounds a lot like my past. I haven't recovered from it yet and may never. My dad was an alcoholic too and used to beat me too. My mom was a enabler. She enabled him to act the way he did by supporting him and taking care of him and sobereing him up until the next time. Whatever you do don't make the mistake I made, Don't Ever Drink. I didn't start drinking until I was 23 or 24 but sure enough, I became an alcoholic too and later lost my wife and two children because of my behavior. If you drink the chances that you'll be an alcoholic too are just too high. Your past is something you'll have to just work through. Go to counseling and/or join a peer counseling group. Get your family involved and tell them how you feel. It's your life and you have the right to feel the way you do so don't let them put you down for feeling hurt and or angry. If you do drink stop and go to AA. Take life a day at a time if you have too. Ever heard of the serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. You can't change your past so try and learn to accept it. You can't change how other people think and act so don't worry about it. You can change the way you act and react to these situations and you'll need strength and courage to seek help and work through it. Good luck.

Answer 2

Family abuse is devastating not only to families but to society. I'm not surprised you still cry about the abuse you suffered & wldn't be surprised if you cld still shed tears years from now. As for your stepfather beating you for crying, well an abuser doesn't really need a reason to be abusive...anything will do. Your Mother may not be able to help you & didn't or cldn't when you were a child. She was also a victom even if you can't believe it right now. Our society keeps allowing men & even women to abuse children in 1 way or another time & again. I say this when I see the sentences handed out to sex offenders & the child abusers that get caught. We have even had a judge ask if child pronography had any artistic merit for crying out loud! And our children are left to grow up & rise above the mess their lives have become. Difficult task but you can do it! There are a lot of support groups out there you could join. You could make new friendships. Maybe this is where you will find the coping strategies you are looking for, and put you on the road to healing.

Answer 3

There is no easy road to getting over our pasts. For me it was my time in foster care which truly made me stop feeling so sorry for myself and realize that really bad things happen to more people than I thought.
I met a 2 year old boy whose mother tried to cook him in a frying pan. Because of this, he was afraid of all women.
My best friend was beaten so badly with a 2x4 board that he couldn't recognize his own face in the mirror.
Not saying that the abuse you and I suffered is a small thing, but perspective helps.
As far as your anger and sadness when you relive the abuse mentally, if you can figure out how to stop those emotions, please let me know. My father's been dead for 17 years, and I still don't know exactly how to deal with the mix of anger, grief, and the feeling that I was robbed of my revenge by him dying in a car accident and not being alive when I was old/big enough to give back all the beatings I owed him.
Now that I'm in a stable relationship, I try to use my past as a guide and as a caution. I simply have resolved that with my wife and children I will be the man I wish my father had been.
Good luck to you.

Answer 4

It was good to read your Question - your not alone - I'm 48 years old and I have permanent damage from physical & mental abuse by my step-father, I also have a very low opinion of women this comes from the fact that my mother did not protect me as a child.

I still have the nightmares & I still cry at nights, I will never live a normal life.

Just remember your not alone when you cry there are thousands of us who cry each night and are never heard.

I don't know what country you live, but I live in England &
I do not blame myself or my mother and her Husband - I blame the law which does not protect children but acts in favour of the Mother as long as this goes on and is not address the longer the child abuse will carry on.

Answer 5

I'm the type of person that has to talk my problems out 'cuz I can't hold it in. It's impossible for me.

Many friends of mine use different methods to cope. They too don't come from pleasant families (details of which would make your situation seem like a walk in the park), but relatives are what they are and you just do what you need to do to cope and function; do your best.

And the word 'family' is such a broad term. Personally, I don't count my brother whom we mutually broke off communication seeing as to how our relationship is permanently violent and volatile.

To me, 'family' just constitutes the Top 10 people in my life.

That said, have you thought about support groups? Check YMCA's, local community boards, churches (they just rent out the spaces mostly, not necessarily religious affiliations) and other online sources.

Also, there's this blog I read about this chick who talks about her dysfunctional family and she said she started the blog as a way to vent her frustrations. Why don't you try it out? Good luck and take good care of yourself!

Answer 6

Can you try get over your pain by helping others? Don't consider yourself a victim but a survivor. Don't allow them to effect your day to day or else you are letting your stepfather win.

What about helping others could you turn your pain into passion into helping others?

Without going into details I will say this. I finally decided no more. No more was I going to let this effect my day to day or give them the power to effect the rest of my life. No more.

This abuse wasn't about the abuse it was about having power and control over you. As long as you let this anger consume you to where you want to destroy things then they continue to have that power over you.

Answer 7

Take out a pen and paper and dialogue with that wounded child part of you. Have your adult self tell her the truth about who you are (a deserving and special person).

Whenever you recognize those voices from the past telling you negative things, use your strong adult self to do some nurturing self-talk.

Eventually those messages will get quieter and quieter and will be replaced with the new more hopeful messages you give yourself.

Hang in there, you are worth it.

Answer 8

Ok one thing is to remember you are the victim and you have to know you didnt bring this on your self. Next is all victims know the important thing is to survive what happened. Next you have to forgive. Forgiveness isnt an emotion its a choice so decide to forgive. Next you dont have to let what happened consume your life- it wasnt your fault. Lastly come to peace with what happened and move on. you dont have to pretend that it never happened but come to peace with it.

Answer 9

i am sorry about you have been through i have been through it to a far lesser extent. you can go to counselors who charge on a sliding scale that can range from free to very minimal charge look up your state department of mental health should be in the blue pages of your phone book under state offices and call them they can refer you. tell them what you have already done who you have seen and what they said...there are competent counselors out there!! good luck!

Answer 10

You must speak about this to someone, preferably face to face. Tell that person everything. Anyone you trust, it could be your best friend, teacher, or a therapist.
You could try seeking professional help if you think you don't have anyone close enough you could talk to.

Try and get all the hurt out of your system.
I hope you'll feel better. :)