Someone you truly care about hurts you and lies to you so you retaliate in a manner which causes them more trouble and pain then they caused you, karma wise, how do you atone for that? And how do you get that person to forgive you?
2007-01-05 18:49:58 · 14 answers · asked by Michelle 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Interesting question.
The questions for me are:
1) Why do people who love each other do horrible things to each other?
and
2) Can those horrible things ever be undone?
First, why do people do horrible things to each other, whether in retaliation or not?
It's a two-fold answer.
First, we learn retaliation by watching other people do it, beginning with our parents. Monkey see, monkey do. In social psychology, it's called the "Looking-glass Self". We do the things we believe society wants us to do in order to fit in. This is one of the things society says we must do.
Second, we do it out of fear and pain. Society tells us, and wrongly I think, that to be safe and survive, we must control other people: their bodies, minds, lives and souls. When they do something to hurt us, we learn to react fearfully because society says we are no longer in control. We try to regain control by hurting them back. It's no different between kids in the school yard and the insurgents and US troops in Iraq. Same thing. Eye for an Eye, as the saying goes. But as Gandhi said, "And eye for an eye, and soon the whole world will be blind!" He was right.
We retaliate because we are taught to as a way to regain control of our lives. I'm almost 50 years old, and have never seen it work. It always makes things worse.
The second question is "Can Those Horrible Things Ever Be Undone"? Can we un-ring a bell once it's rung? No.
Sometimes, though, we can make things stronger in the places they were broken. We make them stronger not only by confessing what we did and asking forgiveness, but also by repenting.
And I'm not necessarily talking religion here.
What is repentance?
It is first asking what you can do to make things right and then doing it. And second, it is to have a change of heart and never knowingly harm another person again. This will require the use of imagination from now on, trying to foresee how each action we take may harm others and then not doing them, no matter how much we believe WE may gain advantage.
The key is this: when somebody harms you, you have a decision to make. You either forgive them, or you walk away from them. Either way, you must tell them what they did to hurt you and why it hurts you, and that you either forgive them or are ending the relationship.
If you forgive them and they harm you again so much that you want to retaliate, you must leave. You cannot let them knock you out of your peace.
You will be surprised by how this will un-complicate life.
From here on out, love everybody. If they do you harm, leave them and seek those who love everybody as you do.
2007-01-05 19:19:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
AYE, You made your bed now sleep in it. Pray for forgiveness. You are exactly right that is just asking for more bad kharma. Don't force anything upon her. Get her a card and write a letter, and tell her the honest truth about everything that went down. It may hurt you and your friendship further, but the truth will be very liberating ......as they say the truth will set you free. Make a pact with yourself to not be spiteful towards people, and to always tell the truth even though you may seem like that is the end of it all.
Hope all works out 4 you.
2007-01-05 18:53:47 · answer #2 · answered by micmac_9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I could use the Bible and what it has to say, consider this for a moment. Would you want someone to hurt you, if you hurt them? I have found that what we do has a very bad habit of coming back to us. A comment made to judge someone, comes back as a similar situation that we find our self in. It does pay to be as nice as possible. If you can;t be nice to someone, at least leave them alone. Once again, would you want someone to hurt you back for hurting them. If not, then take the idea of no hurt, for a hurt. I do know that those who have hurt me in some way have suffered for it, yet I had done nothing to retaliate against them.
2007-01-05 18:59:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well considering that person didn't like you in the first place, and probably still doesn't like you now, I don't think they'd forgive you. You had your revenge (apparently too much of a revenge according to you), forget about them and move on. Why would you want to even be near someone who hurt you in the first place anyway? You think they are going to change their ways? HECK NO! You're just asking for more trouble.
2007-01-05 18:55:07 · answer #4 · answered by Roman Soldier 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I don't know about Karma but I do know about making amends. If you took or destroyed property then you should repay them with money and acknowledge the wrongness of your actions without bringing up there transgression against you. If it was emotional then acknowledge your wrong doing and do not bring up their transgression and humbly ask for their forgiveness. You can't make them give it to you but you will be lighter in spirit after. I promise.
2007-01-05 18:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by bess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Easy, you are easily within your potential rights to retaliate full force. If you feel you can't "get even" without feeling guilty, then you should just "turn the other cheek".
If someone gets hurt, they most likely deserved it. If they didn't deserve pain, then they were in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people. If you feel you are in that position of constant attack, I would say attack back in the sensitive area: personal information.
2007-01-05 18:54:20 · answer #6 · answered by Cold Fart 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Just DON'T HURT that person. Revenge is always wrong; if you hurt someone back because that person hurt you then you go down to his/her level and pass from the right side to the wrong one. Don't bear grudges to nobody, no matter what, and you'll see your life will be much better. Peace.
2007-01-05 18:53:24 · answer #7 · answered by Love_my_Cornish_Knight❤️ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless it's a close family member, I'd say don't. If you're religious then pray about it, and forgive that person from a distance. You don't need to keep someone who lied to you and hurt you in your life.
2007-01-05 18:52:34 · answer #8 · answered by mj_indigo 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
revenge is not always atonable and should be avoided in the first place unless you are looking to crystallize your animosity....apology and amends if you get that far are the steps in the right direction.....
peaceout
2007-01-05 18:57:45 · answer #9 · answered by dogpatch USA 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You confess your sin to the individual you have offended and ask forgiveness. Be honest and sincere. While you're at it, do the same with God because whenever we sin we also sin against God
2007-01-05 18:56:17 · answer #10 · answered by utuseclocal483 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋