Do i tell her?

Question

I am 17 and when i was 15 or 16, i masturbated about my stepdad. He wasn't my stepdad yet but still ..they were engaged. I feel like i have to tell my mom because she is like more of a best friend than a mom and if you have a best friend she would most likely get mad at you for doing that about her boyfriend/husband. People keep telling me that i don't need to tell her. I know it is normal but i feel like i have to tell her and i don't know why. and ever since i have been obsessing over thinking i should tell her, i keep wondering if i would actually ever do something with him which i wouldn't but it's just thoughts since i am obsessing. What do i do? How do i get over it?
I just wonder, if i told her what her reaction would be ..mad or just akward how i feel ..i don't really know if i can picture her getting mad. We have a good relationship like best friends

Answer 1

There are some things that you do not tell your mother, and this is one of them. It does not matter what type of relationship you have with her, to hear this may hurt her feelings. You say you two are like best friends. If she wasn't your mom, and was your best friend, would you tell your best friend you have been fantasizing about her boyfriend? I did not think so.

Answer 2

You state you wonder if you would actually do something with him, has he made overtures or flirted with you openly? All of this is your actions, your feelings at this point, why bring your mom into it unless your step-dad has openly come on to you? You say you just wonder what her reaction would be? I really wonder what your underlying intentions are? To hurt your mom? To shock her? If you want to tell someone, tell a therapist as it sounds like you need one.
I don't feel as though you are coming from a healthy place in your mind regarding your family relationships.
If this is all about you, as it sounds, GET THERAPY and forget telling mom.

Answer 3

What is your motivations in telling her?
I think she would be inclined to feel akward and it could impact her future relationship with your step dad.
What is gained by telling her??? Ask yourself this before you do.
If you must tell her, what information does she really need to know. I would limit what was said, as I am sure she really doesn't want details. Maybe by just letting her know you feel akward because you were previously attracted to your step dad is enough information to give... it's up to you to decide... but ASK YOURSELF WHY!

Answer 4

I wouldn't tell her. I think that would just really be awkward. but if you really think you need to tell her than maybe you should to get it off your chest...but I don't think I would tell her because I don't think that is the kind of thing a mother wants to knwo about her kids...I think moms assume that her kids especially boys, do but she doesn't want to actually know for sure that they do and I don't think she probably really wants to knwo what you're fantasizing about either.

Answer 5

Perhaps you could discuss it with her rather than "tell her" about it. If you "tell her" about it, it creates a negative setting that could be awkward and difficult. However, if you tell her that you fixated on her choice of companion, found him attractive, she would probably feel good about her choice. I did not ever discuss masturbation with my mother...we did not discuss intimate topics unless it was medical.

See the excerpt below and check out the links below:

Parental incest
Incest between parents and their children, including adolescents, is considered the most severe form of sexual offense by many psychologists[citation needed] and is a criminal offense in many nations. Parental incest includes both opposite-sex and same-sex forms.

Child-therapist Susan Forward calls parental incest "perhaps the cruelest, most baffling of human experiences" as it "betrays the very heart of childhood — its innocence". Recent findings by psychologists view non-consenting parent-child incest as a form of 'sexual predation'.

There is also a dramatic increase in cases when statistics are compared between "step" and biological parents.

Child abuse attorney Andrew Vachss calls parental incest a form of rape of a child by the child's parent. Adults previously involved in incest are often called "secret survivors", by therapists, as there is no one to listen to their shame, confusion, or self-loathing due to the topic's taboo, since the topic is regarded as the cruelest and most baffling action.

It is known to therapists that in many cases of such coercive / violent incest, the non - incestuous parent colludes with or denies the incestuous activity so that the child does not have the other parent to turn to either.

Ken Adams states that "a common myth is that overt incest is the exception not the rule in America. This is not the case." He quotes researcher Mike Lew's estimate that there are over 40 million American adults who as children were 'victims of sexual abuse', 15 million of whom were men. According to the United States' NIS-3 study of child abuse, "the sexual abuse of children has a strikingly low age transition in the distribution of incidence rates. The rate of child sexual abuse was very low for 0-2 year olds, but then relatively constant for children ages 3 and older, indicating a very wide range of vulnerability from pre-school age on."

Given the taboo nature of parent-child incest and the fact that it is engaged with dependent children, it is likely to be under-reported in official government statistics where information is given voluntarily.

_________

It is normal for young girls to "practice" interaction with boys via their fathers. The fact that you seem sexually attracted to someone who technically IS NOT your father is unsettling. You need to consider that as you grow and develop awareness of the other gender...it is normal to wonder and fixate; however, if you feel that discussion will make any tension within the family difficult, it is best just to find someone else to be attracted to.

Take care and remember that you control what others think of you by use of words and actions...be responsible.

Answer 6

I have to agree with the first response, do not tell her. She does not need to know every private thought and especially ones that would hurt her feelings.

Answer 7

Since when do best friends have to know everything. Trust me, your mom doesn't want to know who or what you think about when you're wanking off...least of all her man. I think it's best to keep this little secret to yourself. I'm sure when you find another person to think about, you'll forget all about your step-dad.

Answer 8

dont tell her! she'll whip your *** into shape! and thats a bad thing! i dont tell my mom anything cause i dont like my mom. so keep it to yourself, or tell your mom to send you to a councelor.

Answer 9

some things are best left unsaid.

Answer 10

yes and you need to get mental health