She hears her heart pumping tonight
But, the pace is incorrect
Searching and scavenging to fill the void
The hands stretch far but it’s never enough
Still her heart pumps
One out of billions in the world
Making a difference in the world is her goal
Doubt and uncertainty pass her mind
She is me
Still my heart pumps
Waiting for miracles
Expecting failure
A lost soul needs to find the light
Light hails from far
Until then I smile on the outside
While my heart pumps slower day by day
The Mind is winning over my body
Yet, my heart pumps
2007-01-05 16:34:30 · 7 answers · asked by Vee 5 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
lacks force. needs stronger verbs, better phrasing, and onomatopoeia
Great start though!
2007-01-05 17:01:16 · answer #1 · answered by Marmalade P. Vestibule III 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not bad
2007-01-05 16:45:05 · answer #2 · answered by princess1panda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
such a good peom, good job!
2007-01-05 16:43:23 · answer #3 · answered by jem r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for a poem . . . its good, kinda sad, but i like it. :) is it your first? if so, good work.
2007-01-05 16:39:50 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sure your next one will be better
2007-01-05 16:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You good.
2007-01-05 18:48:00 · answer #6 · answered by do you smell..... what's coo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's ok
2007-01-05 16:56:50 · answer #7 · answered by clock 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋