SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY!! I don't want to become an emotional wreck again. What should I do to combat this?

Question

My life yet so far:
I am a 16 year old asian female. I used to be a really confident, happy, and smart kid with hard-working parents living in a quiet suburbia. And then I moved to the shallow, cutthroat northern suburbs in the midst of my preteen years. At my new school, I got into a Mean-Girls-esque situation with the Asian queen bee. Stir in my strict, foreign parents and I had a recipe for clinical depression. By high school, I recovered and became my old happy self again. However, just last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my world was flip flopped again. I had to take on the role of my mother in my family and deal with my father's new volatile nature. I sacrificed a lot that year in physical and emotional terms and I still haven't bounced back.

Basically, I need some help and advice. My life has become so overbearing and I don't want to be sad anymore. What can I do? How can I regain my confidence and get rid of my insecurities?

This isn't a cry for pity. Yes, I do know that life comes with a lot of drama, but I feel like I'm on the brink of emotionally collapsing under all this stress and pressure. . I don't want to be caught up in my self-consciousness anymore and I want some advice how. I am already seeing my school psycologist to sort out my clutter.

Thank you, everyone, for your truly heart-touching kindness. You guys have really made my day, and as of now, I freaking love you all.

However, I guess I forgot to mention, that I am always nervous, irritable, and second-guessing myself at school. It's really cramping down on my peer relationships. Is this normal?

Answer 1

A School Psychologist is trained to deal with educational and minor social and family issues. You probably need to talk to a therapist (psychologist or psychiatrist) that specializes in adolescence. They will probably assess you for depression, anxiety as well as other things. They may want you to see your family doctor to rule out any health problems that could be affecting your emotions. They may also want to try medication to help stabilize your emotions while they start helping you come up with a plan to help yourself.
You are very brave for asking for help. And doing the right thin by wanting to get ahead of this before it gets "bigger than you". Your self confidence will improve as you deal with the underlying issues that are influencing your sadness and emotions.
Hang in there -

Answer 2

I don't think there's some magic cure. Some new way of thinking about it all, some new thing to say to yourself each morning, some pill or anything that will help you regain confidence and lose your insecurities.

Having a family member diagnosed like that must be really hard, and is a life changing event, there is no getting round that.

By the sounds of things, after your mean-girls type experience, you were able to bounce back. Fair enough, it was a temporary situation and I'm sure as you've grown up, you've realised how insignificant she really is now - this queen bee.

I don't think you should be able to expect the same resilience in this instance with your mum. If there are still problems you should talk to someone - not people on the Internet. Talk to Samaritans or charities or professionals who can help see things better.

It's probably best to stop over-analysing things too. Taking on the role of your mother, the Asian queen bee, sacrificing a lot, all sounds like you'd have spent hours and hours going over this in your head. That's probably part of the problem, a constant sub-conscious worrying.

Answer 3

I would've said to go see you counselor at school or school psychologist. Since you're already doing this, congrats and good luck. Them having the first hand experience with you will be able to help you much more than anyone on here can. The best you can get from this type of forum is feel good stuff like, "hang in there," and "the sun'll come up tomorrow" and the sort.

My feel good thing as far as school goes is it will eventually go away and you're only there for another year or two anyway. Kids can be cruel and as long as you turn the other cheek and focus on yourself, you will be fine. As for your mother, I wish her the best and the better she gets the less stressed your father will feel and boom there goes the family life getting better. Sure, it sucks that all this stuff is happening but it really does make you a stronger person in the end. You seem like a smart enough person and are already taking the right steps so I see good things for you.

Lastly, go out and have yourself a fun day. Get some friends or a really close friend and go out and make a pact with yourself that you're going to forget about everything for the day and just have fun, see a movie, go putt-putting, whatever, just have good day. Good luck, everything will be better, I promise.

Answer 4

Well, I think being around fun and good people will help you. Hang around friends more often, it's not good to be alone on things, and maybe open up to them too. They're a big help and those who know you best may give you the best advice or just take your mind off of things and be there for you. Do things for yourself, and for others too, it will help you feel good inside because you're doing great things. Go out and have fun and do things you love more often. You'll bounce back even if you don't do these things of course. Things usually always get better one way or another and think positively! If you keep thinking you won't come back and be good again then you most likely won't for a while...keep a positive mind and you'll become who you want.

Answer 5

Hi JeLee~
Yeah that sounds like a lot to deal with.
Good idea to see a counsler to help you sort through your thoughts.
One thing you must always keep in mind, is no matter how tough things get, there is always a light at the end of the tunnle so dont ever quit walking the path.
Also, teen years for most people are the toughest.
Soon you'll be able to look back and say whew, I made it!!!
I am so sorry about your mom, best wishes to her in her recovery. That's tough. Same exact thing happened to me as a teen when my mom became deathly ill and hospitalised for over a year. It's a big responsibility. One that will help stregnthen your character as it has mine. Its also difficult living w/ an explosive family member, have one of those too, it's like you have to walk on egg shells to not cause the next eruption. Eventually you learn how to best handle that situation.
As for the Clinical depression, I have a teen age daughter who went through a terrible incident which she kept bottled up inside and eventually led to attempted suicide. I now have her on on Effexor, as well as visits with a therapist. HUGE LIFE CHANGING DIFFERENCE!!! It's like she got her life back.
As for Confidence and insucurities, once you feel like you've got some control in your life, you will increase your self confidence.
Once things smooth out in your life you will feel more secure.
The key is you do what ever it takes to "Help your self" get there.
So often, people who are depressed work against themselves, dont be a statistic. Maybe look into anti- depressants. Maybe research your mom's illness so you know what youre dealing with and together you can take the bull by the horns. Dont worry about mean girls they are really just insecure and unhappy inside, thats why they attempt to make themselves feel better by hurting others. You sound very intelligent, I know you'll be alright. Best of luck ~Happy New Year!

Answer 6

Perhaps some additional counseling and seeing a Psychiatrist for some medication to help you through this would be a good thing. Look up mental health services in your area and call for an evaluation. Sounds like you need to really talk to someone who can help you get on track and perhaps try an antidepressant to help with your depressed mood. People who have situational depression are helped with medication as well as people with chronic depression. There are many people just waiting to help you. Also get the crisis line phone number if you need someone right away to talk to or help you. Bless you.

Answer 7

Wow, you know, you actually sound like you pretty much have it together. I guess it just doesn't feel that way.

Anyway, keep seeing your psychologist. Or if they're not helping, get a new one.

Realize that when you are faced with so much stress it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed. Even if and when the major stressful events end.

If you suspect that you are actually depressed talk to your family doctor.

It might also help to join a support group for family members of people with breast cancer. (And it sounds like you might be just the person to start a "families with cancer" support club and your school...)

And if your father is abusive, tell your psychologist.

Anyway, the bad things that have happened are not your fault, they just happened. Don't blame yourself.

Hang in there, hang in there, hang in there. You're tough, smart, wise, considerate and adaptable.

Answer 8

You were confident and OK because you accepted what was, now you're sad and not OK because you don't accept what is.

What's the only difference in what I just said that makes a difference?

There is no rule that you cannot accept what is, even and including any feeling of whatever nature... see what happens.

Answer 9

Well one way to combat your difficult feelings is to write them down in a journal. You could also try digital art and get some feelings out that way as well. There is a great program that is free to download online called artrage.... I understand these feelings i evetually collapsed under the pressure from my life and my parents demands on me.
you might want to check a couple of books as well that could be very beneficial to you like they were me and millions of others.

one is
Feeling Good By Dr. Burns
two others i recommend for contrlling parents if this applies 2 u are:
If You Had Controlling Parents by Dr Dan Neuharth
Toxic Parents By Susan Forward

I hope this might help you out some....if i had known how to express myself earlier on reagarding my feelings it could have avoided a world of pain. Please try some of these things....the Feeling Good Workbook is a great resource for depression and anxiety and learning to combat it!
I hope you will be alright...please don't be afraid to ask for help!

Answer 10

You have to keep on thinking that life is going to get better and dont let depression defeat you, you have to fight back keep your mind busy, try not to think of any problems or anything that might worry you, and i really hope your mom gets better, and i think that with todays technology and medicine, breast cancer survivors have increased, and there are alot of treatments out there, your only 16 you have your whole life ahead of you, so study and stay in school, and get a good job.