After 5 years my boyfriend havent asked me to marry him?

Question

It has been a very challenging relationship,we have had our ups and downs. we have spoken about marriage before so its been in our minds. We broke up for 4 months last year because the relationship got really stressful but then he begged me to get back with him. We went on a trip to the Caribbean and he told me he was thinking of asking me to marry him for his B-day. His birthday passed and he still hasn't asked me? I have brought it up a couple of times but i feel like he is trying to avoid the subject. He is a good guy, he is very supportive and i know he loves me, but why wont he commit? what should i do?

Answer 1

Five years is a long time. Guys generally have this opinion,unlike women after two years,you should know what you want,for men,it can go on for years,and years,though they know what they want,they like things the way they are.
If he has talked about marriage,in a way,he wanted your opinion,most likely he wasn't going to mislead you,but he has when he said he was "thinking" of marrying you for his birthday.
He probably is unsure what he wants,because most likely he fears for the credibility of the relationship,and if it might even work. You should wait for a while,and if nothing happens confront him in a tactful way. You tell him your true desires,and if he doesn't want to committ to you,WILLINGLY,not because you have pressured him,end the relationship,because you desire committment,possibly a family,with someone you love,and loves you back,and who has wanted the same committment you wanted.
You may love him,but it all comes down too,what has the relationship done for either of you? and where do you want it to take you?

Answer 2

There are people out there where marriage just isn't needed or wanted. There are so manu people out there who could go their whole life with a single partner and never be married but will end up getting married due to that being the socially accepted thing to do, or they get pressure from family, friends, or the partner. There are also tax benefits, but the type of people who I'm talking about could give a ****. I know a couple who've been together since high school and are now 32. There were never any huge problems and everyone knew they would always be together. They did just get married for the aforementioned tax breaks and financial benefits they wanted to receieve for buying a house, etc...

So, the problem you have is that he is either the type of person I mentioned. There is also that maybe he knows you two being married isn't a good idea(which your brief historical recap seems that is so). And then there is the fact that he is a man. Men don't grow up dreaming about marriage like women do. Men propose for the women's sake. Sure, we do so out of love as well, but if there was no such thing as marriage, men wouldn't miss it, sorry

Answer 3

True, five years is a long time. But, it doesn't sound definite that you two would be happily married or stay married. If you broke up for four months, there must have been a serious breakdown in the relationship. If you're living together, then he is probably not as motivated to marry you, particularly given your rocky past. If you do live with him, maybe one of you should move out and just date until you decide if you are both ready for a permanent commitment.

Answer 4

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years...and he hasn't proposed yet either. He works and I'm still in school and we both agreed that we should wait until I finish school so we can both save up for the wedding/house, etc. It also depends on how old your boyfriend is. Some guys don't plan on marrying until their 30s or when they are set in their career.

Answer 5

Having been in the relationship for so long, you should be able to talk to him in a direct and open manner, should you not? Tell him exactly what you want and need, and why... see what he has to say. If you wait around for him to give you want, you might keep waiting forever. Make your desires clear and see if he can fulfill any of them. If not... you have your answer, I'm afraid!

And if you feel that you cannot have this discussion with him, then there might be something more wrong with the relationship, not just his committment issues. I could be wrong, but you sound almost afraid to be too assertive with him on the subject... If you cannot have an honest, difficult conversation with him... then maybe you need to take a good look at this relationship and see if it is even "marriage-worthy". Just food for thought... ...

Answer 6

Wow, 5 years is a long time. I think he doesn't want to purpose on the day as expected. He prolly wants to surprise you! On the other hand, he may feel that your relationship is going back to the same stress just like the way before you guys broke up last year. It's possible that he is trying to confront his "jitters" first. Until he's absolutely certain that he is ready, he'd pop a question anytime soon. Marriage comes with responsibilities that you guys need to consider.

Answer 7

it sounds like he is a man that cannot keep his word that is one of the worst men to have. Makes you believe the things you want to hear and never comes through. I am sure he might be a good person and everything but that doesnt mean he is a going to be a good husband and dont think he will change just cause you will be married. He sounds like he is the type of guy that wants what he cant have and what he has he takes for granted. I would say move on and let him mature ,you have to be strong. I speak from experience.

Answer 8

Sounds like he doesn't "need" or "want" to get married. If you are travelling together, perhaps you are living together, too? If that's the case, then he probably feels he has everything he needs or wants from you, without the benefit of marriage. If you are just dating, then five years is a heck of a long time to hang on, waiting. Grab yourself some independence, and get back into that big, bad world of dating!

Answer 9

It's not fair to him to let him marry you without knowing the truth. Tell him the truth about being unfaithful and then he can make a decision as to whether or not he even wants to have anything to do with you anymore. But to me, if you have been unfaithful for "most of the relationship" as you said, then why are you even with him? You obviously don't love him if you were willing to carry on a relationship with him for five years while cheating. I mean it's one thing to mess up once ... but you've been cheating for most of the relationship! Tell him the truth. And to be quite frank, even if he wants to still be with you, you really should leave the relationship anyway because it's clear that you don't want to be with him.

Answer 10

Maybe he's scared of marriage or he might be afraid that it'll turn out as a divorce later like maybe his parents did or he has friends who do I mean i don't know since I don't know him personality but you need to sit him down and ask him serouisly if he wants to marry you if not then you need to move on and find someone who does want to marry you.