How do I get my daughter to stop talking back?

Question

I have tried time out. I have tried everything I know and I cannot control her talking back. I feel like every night it is the same thing. She does not respect me. I feel like a horrible parent because I cannot get control of her. She does not act like this for her dad, it is only me. My husband works midnights so most nights it is just me and the kids. It is much worse when my husband is not here. My daughter is 4 and she has just started pre school.

Answer 1

A good old fashioned pants down spanking!!!!

I have 3 girls, it works for all of them.

Answer 2

I'd Suggest That Every Time She Talks Back Or Does Something That She IS Not Supposed To Do, Take Away Something That Is Valuable To Her, Like A Toy For Example. After A Few Of Her Things Get Taken, She Should Try To Change What She IS DOing Wrong In Order To Keep Her Possesions. That's What I Do When I Babysit My Cousins And Siblings.

Answer 3

You can’t blame yourself! She is having separation anxiety from being apart from the other parent. She just started a new school during the day (away from BOTH parents), she comes home, and Daddy goes to work. I am not at all blaming the parents, but the child should not be punished for wanting her Daddy! I agree that she should not talk back, and THAT needs to be addressed, however, if you make the separation easier, then the back talk will reduce.

Get her involved with both parents just before Daddy goes to work. When he leaves, Mommy continues to play with her. Or take her to her room just before he leaves, read her a book or get her involved with a favorite toy while he walks out the door; let her stay in there for as long as she wants. Shorten naps and see if Daddy can put her to sleep before he leaves.

As far as the back talk, you can’t blame yourself. It is a stage and this too will pass. But, you must stop it now, or it will only get worse. The best is to ignore her. Calmly and sternly, tell her the rule. When she talks back, tell her that you don’t like her words and turn your back on her. Let her do what she needs to do, but don’t give her ANY attention. When she calms down, tell her that you understand how she feels about it, but it is not ok for her to act that way. After all, is that not what adults search for; understanding? Always be consistent, and follow through with your threats.

PS: Time-out should be ONE minute times age; i.e. 4year old is 4 minutes. If you set a 4 year old in the corner for 15 or 30min. that child will be there all day! Set her a timer and tell her what it is for; to watch time pass by. Set the timer and let her watch it until it goes off. When it goes off, ask her if she knows why she was put in time out. Often, she will need to be reminded of what it was that got her there. She made the decision to be in time out by making the decision to do the wrong thing. My 5 year old understands this, I bet your 4 year old would too.

Answer 4

Wow--- I can't believe how many people here believe that the way to control a person smaller than yourself is to hit the person. Amazing!
I never hit my kids--and they are nice loving people.
She is only four years old--- its a little early to worry about whether or not she respects you. She loves you and needs you, and deep down, she still wants to please you. You need to help bring out that part of her.
At four, she is capable of a limited amount of reasoning. Tell her, briefly, how it makes you feel to have to argue with her. Explain that you will only tell her three times--- if on the third time, she has not done as you asked (like pick up her toys, get in the bath, whatever it is) then she will not have the chance to do it because she will be in bed. If it is daytime, the time in bed (or a corner) should be however long you think---15 minutes, 1/2 hour--- you be the judge. But for each infraction, increase the time, and get a timer so she can visualize how long until she is 'out' again. After 3 (or however many you want it to be) such time-outs, she goes to bed for the night.
If it is continually whining for something and you've said no three times, same deal.
You cannot fully stop her from talking back--- but you can certainly limit it. Also when she DOES do as she is told the first time, with no fussing, praise her and give her a hug. She really will want to get the hugs rather than the frowns....truly! She's a little human being and we all like to be appreciated and loved.... and we all hate to have to be separated from those we love.
Your child deserves your respect--- whether she is capable of giving you her respect yet or not. You can teach her how to respectfully communicate with others, by doing that with her.
Try not to scream at her, slap her, lose your temper--- then she will learn proper behavior from you.
If this is only happening in the evening, and just since she started preschool, try putting her to bed earlier. She may be over-tired. She may also be picking up these patterns from other kids in the school... in which case you say to her in a kind (and shocked) voice--- "Oh, We do not talk to each other like that in our family. We talk nicely and try to help each other." Of course, you will have to live those words, too, and be an example of them.
She is so young--- you ARE in control of your family situation. Just set the example and, kindly, help her to follow your lead.
Good luck! Go with love--- it always wins in the end!

Answer 5

You know it's interesting how most who say "Don't hit the CHILD oh my goodness no no no so abusive!" have children who are younger than 10.....while granted, MAYBE this method will work on certain children, but i'd be HIGHLY interested to see the character and demeanor their child will present and have when they're in their teens or when they finally live out on their own! There's a thin line between ABUSE, and DISCIPLINE, she IS 4 years old, so a pop in the mouth may be too extreme as she's still a bit fragile for such a punishment, but you can still give her a spanking. You just have to justify the spanking, and ALWAYS ensure that she understands the difference between punishment and reward, and that love and affection is not ignored.

I mean honestly I've noticed among my friends, couples, even my younger brother the results of a lack of discipline in the raising of a child.
THEY'RE RUDE..they have no respect, and more over for them the idea of 'consequence' for their actions is completely misunderstood let alone ignored because their 'punishments' is just a simple lecture which can easily be ignored if not CHALLENGED when they become older and more inteligent enough to stand up against it and realize the consequence is MINOR.

I got spankings when i was a child, and i'm fine! I'm not a convict, i haven't a traumatized past, I don't kill, rape, steal, or whatever....dont' abuse children, don't beat women, don't do anything that may bias the circumstances of child discipline. I love my family to DEATH, they are the only peopel i trust for advice or ANYTHING involving my life, in fact iv'e always been open with them, and my bond with them is envious of any other family i've seen.

And i got my *SS WHOOPED when i was a kid, I remember talkin back to my mom ONCE....i called her a 'p*ssy' cause she wouldn't let me go to mcdonalds, she popped me in my mouth, THEN she told my dad, who proceeded at whoopin my behind like he was beating a dirty rug....and i NEVER said anything back to my mother nor did i cuss or ANYTHING to my mother ever again. Even today I respect them, not because they'll beat me, i'm a grown *ss man, but because I understand that's respect for the people who spent 24 years of their life working and sacrificing to raise me...and they took control and molded me into the person I am today.

SO....with all that being said, if it's a redundant case, then yes spank her, don't OVERDUE it, likei said there's a limit, but if it's a blatant all out talk back, then you need to show her that is NOT how you treat your mother, just make sure she knows WHY she's gettin spanked, and even after that you let her know you love her, and it wasn't what you wanted, but she has to learn respect, how do you expect her to do the same with others? Counseling is when she's older and more understanding of consequence, doin that while she's 4 and still learning the whole concept it's gonna go through one ear and out the other.

Answer 6

BE VERY FIRM WHEN YOU TALK TO HER AND SHOW HER
THAT YOU ARE SERIOUS. OTHER WISE SHE WILL STEP
ALL OVER YOU, YOU NEED TO SHOW HER TWO SIDE'S
OF PERSONALITY, ONE IS HAPPY AND THE OTHER IS WHEN YOU ARE UP SET. AND WHEN YOU SCOLD HER NO
MEANS NO SEND HER TO HER ROOM AND DON'T LET HER
OUT OF HER ROOM UNTIL HER ATTITUDE CHANGERS AND
YOU MAKE SURE YOU TELL HER THAT. TELL HER THE RULE ARE GOING TO CHANGE BECAUSE OF HER ATTITUDE
AND UNTIL SHE CH ANGE'S THEN YOU AND HER WILL HAVE
A BETTER RELATIONSHIP. TELL HER EVERY TIME SHE
LISTENS THAT SHE WILL BE REWARDED WITH SOMETHING LIKE SHE IS ABLE TO WATCH A MOVIE OF HER CHOICE OR SHE GET TO PICK A HEALTHY SNACK AND ONLY IF SHE EATS HER DINNER. REMEMBER SHE IS
YOUNG SO SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO FINISH EVERYTHING ON
HER PLATE BECAUSE SHE HAS A SMALL STOMACH. SO
GIVE HER SOME QUALITY TIME AND HER ATTITUDE WILL
CHANGE (HOPEFULLY) AND GIVE HERE A BIG HUG AND
A KISS WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING GOOD. LET HER KNOW WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING GOOD NOT JUST
WHEN SHE IS BAD THIS WAY SHE CAN HEAR THE GOOD
AS WELL AS THE BAD. GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 7

SMACK HER! Don't' let her take control cause once she has it you are pretty much screwed when she gets older. Try a time out room. That works too. When she back mouths you smack it and then send her to the time out room. Make sure that there is no toys and nothing in there that she can get hurt on. She is to be shut in there for 1 min for every year she is. Since she is 4 it would be four min. and if she doesn't listen and pitches a fit its an extra min. If you don't have a room try a time out spot. Same thing but no room.

Answer 8

What exactly is she saying? If she is demanding you to do something for her act like you don't her hear. If you've already tried this then you should take all of her stuff out of her except her mattress and a night light [if nesscary]. When she "demands" to know what happened to all of her stuff, tell that only big girls that learn how to respect people get toys and other such items. If she doesn't pick up after herself when you tell her too, then after you've told her three times, and she doesn't do it, put it up for auction on ebay. that way you earn money and have a clean house. never hit her unless it's a spanking and even then you have to make sure it's not "harsh".

goodluck. :]

Answer 9

Start taking away one of her things for each time she mouths back. Tell her what will happen and do it. Start with toys one put away for each time that she talks back to you. But you have to make sure that you hear when she is talking to you and when she is talking back to you. Perhaps she feels you really dont listen to her and just yell at her. If she runs out of toys take her special blankets, teddybears, any play dates or going to a freinds house until she minds with out arguing. Then you can give her one thing back. I remember when My Mother did that to me, wow, i really pushed hard that time, I didnt have anything in my room except my bed and my clothes. Nothing else and I had to earn them back because I wouldnt clean my room either.

Answer 10

You need to be firm with her. Tell her what you want her to do in a calm way. If she answers back simply don't respond. That is what she wants you to do and she is manipulating you to play her game. Walk away. Let her know that you will not put up with that kind of behaviour. When she is good praise her and let her know. It works.

Answer 11

ignore her,
it may be hard, but children thrive on attention from their actions, if she is not getting a satisfying reaction then she my find that it is not use.
also, DONT FEEL LIKE A BAD PARENT!
it is the age, and many other parents go through this
the best of luck for the two of u!!!