Is saving virginity really worth it?

Question

As a Christian, I realize I shouldn't be thinking this way. But I had number of conversations with female friends and they don't seem to care whether the guy is virgin or not.
Some women specifically said, they prefer men who have been around the block. Moreover, in U.S., we live in a country in which losing virginity in high school is almost common practice.
Also, I happen to be a highly sexual person. I always had high sexual interest in women since 16. I am 25 now.
Moreover, people told me sex is a big part of marriage. They said incompatibility in sex life between couple can lead to divorce. That is another reason that made me consider losing virginity before marriage. So I won't be disappointed in sex life with my future wife although sex isn't everything in marriage.
Like I said, I realize I shouldn't think this way as a Christian. But I can't stop having self-doubts about saving virginity.
Can anyone offer me advice on what is the right course of action given my situation?

Another reason is my irrational fear that I will die virgin. As we know, life is unpredictable. People die from car accidents, heart attack, diseases. And a lot of them never saw it coming.
How do I get rid of this irrational fear that I might die virgin?

Answer 1

At my age you would never find a virgin in my bed. LMAO

When I was 35, many years ago, I was with a younger man (19) for a couple of years. He was a wonderful lover after he met me. LOL

Answer 2

Yes, times have really changed. I also wonder about this, a few friends and myself all stayed virgins thinking we would marry someday, but we didn't end up marrying, so of course, we too, wonder if the waiting and not having some good experiences was all in vain. This is normal I think even as a christian. not all women prefer a man who's "been around the block" though. If you're a virgin when you get married it's a gift you can give to your wife, which I think will mean more to a good women than an "experienced stud". I don't think you should listen to that reasoning, although I totally understand the pull it has today, it seems so logical. Why not wait a little longer, you're still young. Women might say they don't care if the guy is a virgin or not, but I still think if it's a woman who really loves you, it will mean a lot to her. Don't give in, I really think there's more to sex than just the act, I don't believe you'll be disappointed in the long run if you wait. God bless you.

Answer 3

For your consideration, think of it this way. Say you witnessed a brutal murder when you were a kid. That memory is burned in your memory and may very well have an impact on the rest of your life. Maybe it keeps you from trusting people in a certain way. The same type of thing happens when you've lost your virginity. You can never have it back. The time of your life when you should have been experiencing the freedom of innocence can never be gotten back. What happens when youth are sexually active has a negative impact on their ability to bond. So to address your thinking about being experience so you won't be disappointed in marriage, is actually counter-productive. Think of the ability to bond in this way. Take a piece of masking tape and stick it to a chair. Pull it off and put it on another one. Keep doing that. Eventually it won't be able to stick to a new surface too well.
This is what happens with real people. I'm sure that you've heard statistics about divorce rates, pre-marital sex, even if it is only between the couple getting married (say they've gotten engaged and decide to lose their virginity now instead of waiting for after the marriage). There are those that also suggest that it leads to a disatisfaction with their partner because they "need" more spice after only having sex with one for so long.

Is there no hope for you, no, I'm not saying that, but it the healing neccessary can only come from God.

Answer 4

Yes, yes and yes. I've heard this argument before and I'd like to ask you how you can be sexually incompatible with a person if you've never been with anybody else. Sexual incomatibility happens during relationships regardless of prior sexual experience, libidos change as kids enter the picture, sicknesses come, elderly parents need care, etc. If both you and your spouse are virgins there will never be any comparisons to others and for sure there will be no STD's. As a Christian you should also know that there is a whole spiritual realm in which "things" are passed from person to person during intimate relations. Keep saving your gift, it WILL be worth it. Peace :-)

Answer 5

I did not lose my virginity until I was 19. And most of the time I regret not saving it for my wife as she did for me.

While it is true that sex is a big part of marriage, it is not true that a poor sex life is the cause of many divorces. Usually it is a symptom of other problems, such as money problems.

I think there are more reasons to hold on to your virginity than there are to lose it to someone you do not have a bound relationship with. First, God said that marriage is a wonderful thing, in the context of marriage. Read the Song of Solomn in the Bible and it is almost like something out of an erotic magazine. But the other side is also true, that he disapproves of sex outside of marriage.

Second, the act of sex is intended as a coming together of husband and wife. Not just for procreation, though that is the biological reason for it. When you have sex, the two become one, being completely naked (in a metaphorical as well as a literal sense) and vulnerable to each other. This vulnerability draws two people together.

However, without the bonds of marriage, it can also become a weapon to be used against another person. I have been there and have had it happen to me as well as having done it to otehr people. I have had sex with women, not because I loved them (though I led them to believe that) but just because I wanted to. when my true feelings (or rather lack of them) became known to her, it crushed her.

So that is my advice. Hold on to your virginity and offer it up as a gift to Miss Right. Not Miss Right Now.

Answer 6

i totally understand your situation. yeah it does get REALLY tempting especially in highschool, college, at work or wherever. but really, staying away and waiting until marriage is the best. its hard though i have to say. especially in our american bound culture it seems as if its almost ok to have premarital sex. but, having sex right now can also put your future marriage in major jeopardy. especially if your wife saves it for you. can you imagine how horrible it would be to tell you someone that loves you so much, someone whos willing to give their virginity to you, someone who wants to spend the rest of her life with you, someone who actually cares for you, that you gave your virginity to another girl already? i really cant imagine that because that would give me the utmost shame and guilt. what's really sad is that this isnt what god intended when he created this wonderful idea of "sex". he wants couples to enjoy it to the fullest. he knows that the way to do that is to hold out for fearless sex, the kind you can only find within the genuinely safe and intimate boundaries of marriage. theres no such thing as safe sex or anything like that either or even "practicing" for your future wife. im sure she'll be a little bit embaressed too because its her first time and itll be even better if both of you guys are kinda nervous. that just adds that much more fun!!!! dont worry, her first time will be awesome EVEN IF you never had practice before. it's learning and experiencing it on each other. thats the fun part. nothing can keep you safe from all of the consequences of sex before marriage, including a long list of fears. fear of being found out, fear of being abandoned by your sexual partner, fear of genital herpes, aids, pregnancy, or the guilt and shame that wont ever leave you. at surface level, it might feel perfectly fine because sex is just sex right? wrongggggggg. deep down inside, you know what's right. having truly safe and fearless sex will make the waiting worthwhile. its gonna be 9403894023093 times sweeter. trust me homie. dont worry about dying as a virgin. you wont! if you are scared of dying soon, make the most of each days. push gods kingdom further, help others, end poverty, do something productive. you would want to be remembered as someone who was always there for people than someone who wanted sex badly. all in all, just wait and i promise you, as a brother in christ, that it'll TOTALLY be worth it. keep your faith up homie!

Answer 7

Ok, as a Christian, you should try to wait untill marriage.
As a human, you should realize that for some, that road just is not gonna work.
Yeah, it's a wonderfull idea, because of the fact that you won't catch some god-forsaken disease, and you'll have something important to give the woman you're gonna spend the rest of your life with.
In retrospect, I wish I would've waited, because now I don't have that gift to give anymore.

Yes, sex is a big part of marriage, whether some want to admit it or not, so it's really something you have to way the risks and benifirs of, which, I would guess, is why you're asking this question.

Hope this helps some!
Sheena

Answer 8

If you believe in saving your first time for marriage, and have held out this long, then stick with it. When you finally let go and share yourself with the right person, it could be explosive. I didn't wait until marriage, but could never never enjoy sex outside of a deeply committed relationship. Just too old-fashioned that way perhaps, but by itself sex is is not enough. With a deep enough love and trust, it's unbelievable, and it is hard to believe that either can be possible with someone who will not make a commitment. I can't relate to the "guilt" thing, not when it comes to sex. By itself, sex is just an activity, and has about as much inherent morality or immorality as a monkeywrench. The right or wrong of it is what people bring with them, not in the act itself.

Answer 9

I can't give you the answer religion wise, but as a married women, I think it's cool to have sex before marriage. My husband and I did, and we had a couple partners each before marraige, in high school. We were safe and all, and it was cool. I mean I don't think about those guys now, but at the time it's what I wanted to do, and I don't see a problem with that. I mean be safe and know the person well and don't go all crazy man whorish, but aside from your religion, I say go for it.

Answer 10

Well you say your a Christian yet you seem to think your smarter that God. does He know whats best? Do you want His blessing. Polls show that premarital sex leads to marriages with higher divorce rate. Seems to show that God knows best. Just to obey and glorify Him should be reason enough. If you truly are saved by Christ laying down His life for you should you take His commandments so lightly? How thankful are you to God for saving you from destruction?

Answer 11

Simply put..... The apostle paul said " it is better to marry then to burn with "Lust".... 1 cor. 7:9

having sex b4 marriage will never prepare you for your future wife..thats ridiculous..if anything it will "cheapen" the experience God has ordained for you to share with your wife..(not anyone else)....

you say that you are highly sexual....guess what!!! satan knows that about you..and wants you to lose your virtue...because he knows how easy it will be to tempt you even more then he has already been trying to.....

Ignore what the statistics say.... ignore what God-less people say about sex...because they always will do whatever is right in their own eyes...Not God's....

my suggetion is to pray for God to send you a wife..someone you can give your all to and be happy....while pleasing God at the same time.... after all God said..... " Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge"...