my bf(soon to be husband) of 5yrs and i were watching tv when the subject can up on a dads/childs love vs. husband/wife love.i asked my bf if he loved me equal to his child(from his 1st marrage) he looked right at me and said no way i love my child more than anyone and that would never change.he told me i would not understand because i don't have any kids.don't get me wrong i don't expect him to love me more but i allways thought you loved your child and wife equal am i wrong in this thought?would he feel different if i was his child mom?
2007-01-05 12:31:55 · 21 answers · asked by shannonvincent098 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I know people who say they love their children first, above their spouse. And I suppose you can't help your feelings.... Yet, what will happen when the child grows up and moves away? I think it's healthier for the family if Mama and Papa love eachother best, and of course they can both adore the kids,too!
2007-01-05 12:45:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your wrong in your feelings.
I will probably be unpopular for saying this but I don’t quantify love. I love my son and my husband equally…equally but differently. The love between a parent and child is different from the love between spouses but to me it isn’t more or less. I believe that my son sees that and it makes him feel secure and happy. He never smiles more than when he sees mommy and daddy cuddling on the couch or kissing because he knows how much we love each other. Conversely he gets sad if we fight (which is why we try not to do it in front of him).
That is my words on how I feel but I will direct you to this link with a similar question, read what was voted Best Answer (in my opinion it is) written by jymsis she puts it much better than I ever could.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=1006051705564
2007-01-06 00:52:40 · answer #2 · answered by perchinawhitewinesauce 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes and no...A parent loves a child more than anything in this world. But it is also a differnt kind of love (feeling) for a child than a spouse. So yes he loves her more but no he loves you more in another way. I mean stop and think. He doesn't love his child's body and looks etc. But he loves you for those things aswell as inner things. So there is a differnce in the type of love. I am sure he would sacrafice himself for the both of you. Hope this help's. I think his meaning of you wouldn't understand because you don't understand the love a parent feels. You could though, not just by having your own but getting really close with his.
2007-01-05 20:38:26 · answer #3 · answered by ccdispatch911 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I asked this exact same sort of thing to my husband before we were married. He had a 6 year old from his first marriage. I asked him if there was a fire, and he could only save one of us, who would it be, and he chose the child. At the time I was put off, but now that I've had babies, I understand. It's a weird maternal/paternal thing. Once I slipped on the icy front steps and to hell with me, I dropped everything and went a.ss over teakettle to make sure my 3 year old landed safely. I was sore for weeks, but while it was happening, you just don't think of anything else. It's just instinct. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, trust me.
2007-01-05 20:38:29 · answer #4 · answered by blondes tease, brunettes please 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No girl you do not need to be hurt by his comment. He is telling the truth which you may someday understand when you are a parent. The love for a child is different and yet the same as the love of an adult. This person so dependent on you for everything. Where as you are an adult so not so dependent or at least you shouldnt be.
2007-01-05 20:51:55 · answer #5 · answered by Amberlyn4 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
have to agree with your BF. Don't feel bad he is not saying he does not love you but children will come first in the love game in the majority of cases. Don't look on it as a bad thing, he loves his kids immensely which is great for any children who will come into your relationship. He will love them more, but it is a different sort of love he will have for you. Just as you will love your kids , parents will do anything for the kids(at least good parents) and when you have yours you will understand. As much as you can love a husband it may not always last forever (50% divorce rate) but you will love your kids till the day you die
2007-01-05 22:52:01 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
HI, I THINK THAT A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULD LOVE THE CHILD MORE THAN ANYONE. YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THAT HE WILL LOVE THEM THAT MUCH. A HUSBAND AND WIFE LOVE IS DIFFERENT. A H/W LOVE CAN'T BE EQUAL THE WAY YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND IS THROW SEX AND ALL OTHER WAYS. YOU DO NOT LOVE A CHILD THE WAY YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND THAT WAY. THE CHILD NEED SO MUCH LOVE SO MANY OTHER WAYS. SO HOW CAN HE LOVE YOU ANY LESS JUST IN DETERRENT WAYS. WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD YOU PUT THAT CHILD FIRST. EVEN BE FOR YOUR HUSBAND. WHEN YOU HAVE A CHILD YOU WILL SEE THAT YOUR LOVE WILL BE SO STRONG FOR YOUR CHILD AND YOU SEE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD.
2007-01-05 21:47:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Although i can understand how that would be hurtful if you are about to marry this man i think he would feel the same whether you were his kids mom or not. Dont feel bad though I think once you have children you will probably feel the same way. Although since he said that he will NEVER love you AS much as his kids that might be a problem. Be prepared to take a backseat if it comes down to you or his kids.
2007-01-05 22:56:43 · answer #8 · answered by nobody 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Its a different kind of love, it will never feel the same ever. as far as equal it can never be because there to different to compare. There is nothing that your child could do to make you stop loving them, you might not like what they have done or are doing, but you will never stop loving them. That is not true of you. It might take alot but if you did something bad enough he could stop loving you.
2007-01-05 20:41:06 · answer #9 · answered by shannon m 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You can never love anyone the way you love your children. You love your children and your spouse differently, and certainly while your children are young and dependent upon you, you always put them first. That may change somewhat when they become adults. But then grandchildren come along, and until you have grandchildren you think that you can never love anyone as much as you love your children, but you find that you love your grandchildren beyond all reason.
No, it wouldn't be different if you were his child's mom, but then you would have a greater understanding of it.
2007-01-05 20:43:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋