Friend with leukemia?

Question

A girl that I have a crush on at school just got diagnosed with leukemia over the holidays. I normally don't get so upset about things like this, but I just want to do something to help. The only problem is that I haven't ever really talked to her much. At the beginning of school, we had a class together and I would just say hi every now and then. But she got switched to another class after a week or two. A friend mentioned me to her, and she didn't even remember/ know who I was (before the leukemia diagnosis). Also, I am really good friends with her best friend. I just don't know what to do for her. We're all 14, so we can't drive. I feel so helpless right now; I can't imagine what she and her family are going through. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for her, but I just feel like it's my fault that I don't know of what to do. Does anyone have any suggestions of what to do for her? Thank you all so much.

Answer 1

I suggest you learn about the disease. It can be beaten, my mom is living proof. Learn about it, then offer to be there if she needs to talk. Don't force it, you may push her away more. Right now she is probably dealing with a lot of emotions and is very confused. Knowing she has a friend who is available and will be able to discuss things with her, if she wants to talk about it, could be a help to her once she is over the intial shock of being diagnosed.

Answer 2

The only thing that I can tell you is that you just need to keep praying. It's not your fault in anyway, and sometimes you just have to accept the fact that there is nothing you can do, you just have to leave it into the hands of the experts. I know because I've had to do the same thing. My best friend over the course of this year has gradually gone through problems starting off with nausia, to passing out, and has now evolved into full blown seizures that will randomly start two or three times a day. She's had to use a wheelchair in school, and the principal has finally put her homebound. She's been to numourous specialists but none know what's wrong with her. Every day I have to deal with the fact that today she might die. And at first I did blame myself because I thought that maybe there was something I could do differently during her seizures that could change everything. I would cry after her seizures and she told me that if I couldn't control myself that I wouldn't be allowed to be with her when she was having her seizures. It wasn't until I finally accepted that I couldn't do anything about it, except be there for her, that I was finally the friend that she really needed. We're both scared, but we're not going to let fear control the rest of our lives. If this girl only has a short time left to live, you can help her by bringing her life to the fullest. Sorrow is for the dead, not for the living. As long as this girl is alive, be joyful, and live life to the fullest with her. Even if you guys aren't close right now, a lot of times these circumstances create new friendships that are just as strong as old ones.

Answer 3

Don't be afraid to talk to her about it. She has a serious illness but she is still a teenager, and I'm sure she would like people to treat her the same as before she was ill. She will have to go through Chemotherapy and she will be very sick and may lose all her hair. Sadly people will say cruel things and no longer want her around. So you need to let her know, your her friend no matter what. Help her keep up to date with school work, when she is too ill to go to school, take some pictures so she can see what's going on. Do what a good friend would do. She has family and Doctors to help her with the Leukemia, she needs someone to have fun with.

Answer 4

PLZ do not blame yourself ppl get it all the time iam 15 and i have it. if u cant get their all the time post her a letter and a photo all my school made cards for me i luv reading them, i got cancer 2 months ago so it wasnt long.Don't be afraid to talk to her about it. She has a serious illness but she is still a teenager, and I'm sure she would like people to treat her the same as before she was ill.but if u want close 2 her plz dont c her because i have it and i hate it kids from the school i go 2 came and c me and their neaver talked 2 me before. She will have to go through Chemotherapy as i hd 2 and she will be very sick and may lose all her hair. Sadly people will say cruel things and no longer want her around. So you need to let her know, your her friend no matter what. Help her keep up to date with school work, when she is too ill to go to school, take some pictures or a video so she can see what's going on. Do what a good friend would do. She has family and Doctors to help her with the Leukemia, she needs someone to have fun with.

Answer 5

First of all, I have to say that not a lot of guys would do that (pray for her). You sound like a really nice guy, and if you are, you should be able to help her at least feel better. You should try to get her friend to introduce you together and get you to be friends. Then you can figure out what she wants to do and go from there.

Answer 6

I was diagnosed with leukemia at age five. This is from my perspective:

First of all, DO NOT:

-mention death unless she brings it up. EVER. End of story.

-ask too many questions about the cancer. We usually DON'T like to talk about our illness unless we bring it up. So try to avoid bringing up the cancer. Be willing to discuss it if she brings it up, but don't drag it out. Talk about happier things: catch her up on what her friends are doing, talk about sports or barbies or whatever it is that she's into.

-talk ad nauseum about how everyone misses her. That only made me feel even more guilty and ashamed to be in the hospital. If she asks if you miss her, assure her that you do, but are happy that she is getting the help she needs at the hospital.

-say "oh you poor thing" or "I feel so sorry for you". There are ways to show sympathy without making her feel helpless and pitiful.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

- bring a game or something. Being in the hospital (or stuck at home) is BORING as nobody's business. Give her something to keep her entertained.

-promise to do something special (take her out to lunch, etc.) when she gets out of the hospital. (say WHEN, not IF.) We are told to have something to look forward to WHEN we get out of the hospital. That gives us motivation to keep going and keep fighting.

-have a sense of humor. Don't (EVER!) make cancer jokes, but don't be afraid to have a lighthearted spirit. It helps combat the "gloom and doom" atmosphere of the dreaded pediatric oncology ward.

Answer 7

Firstly its not your fault that you dont know what to do, at your age and even older wouldnt know what to do either. All you can do is be a friend and act normal dont make her feel different.

If you have the need to do something extra maybe write her a letter and express that you would like to be a friend to her when ever she may need one. Also keep praying.

Answer 8

The biggest thing that most teenage cancer patients want is a good friend with a good ear. Ask about favorite foods, movies, etc. A good blanket, teddy bear, or soft hat is always nice too. It's not your fault at all, and praying is a wonderful idea. Good luck buddy.

Answer 9

Please do not be so hard on yourself. This is a tough situation and there is no really clear set of things to do.

Prayer is good. You can also be a support to her best friend. Let her best friend know you want to help and listen to her for ideas.

Here's a link that might help:http://www.leukemia-research.org/patient/links.asp#YoungAdults

Answer 10

Honey, it's definitely not your fault. Please try not to be so hard on yourself. Ask her [or her mom] if there's anything you can do, or if you can visit. It's wonderful of you to care so much, and prayer definitely helps.
Here's a site with the best disease info:
http://www.leukemia-lymphoma.org/hm_lls
Best wishes