i am in a relationship with the father of my children, we've been together for 10 years, we are not married and we do not live together. i become a christian about 8 weeks ago and i put a stop to a certain part of our relationship because we are not married, i have explained this to him. it has been revealed to me that all these years our relationship has been based on this 1 thing. i knew this anyway, it's just so clear now! i haven't argued with him, i've put him in GODS hands, i'm praying for him to be saved. his mother is a christian and most of his family and they go to a church where is uncle is the pastor, the church i go to, i was introduced to by his cousins husband who does alot of speaking there. he believes i am punishing him, but i'm just doing what god is telling me. i enjoy this thing just as much as the next man but i don't live for it! have you been in a similar situation, how did it work out?
i forgot to mention there is a 31 year age gap, i am 26, the kids are 9 + 5
2007-01-05 11:25:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
i was really shocked at myself when i come out with this, it did feel strange knowing that i've been laying down with him for the last 10 yrs and we got 2 kids together.
i am aware i can still say sex, but i also know that it's not just adults that look at this site. just the other day, in the daytime, i was browsing through the religious section and there was a picture of a nude woman with her legs raised, open and flat on her back. my 9 yr old seen this.
2007-01-05 11:50:03 · update #1
when i told him this, i made it clear to him that if he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me, that i will understand, i know he feels like i've left him out in the cold.
i was 16 when i got pregnant, caught 2 weeks after meeting him. it was a blessing in disguise, i was in places where i had no buisness being at the age of 13 [i also left school at this time], i was mixing with the wrong people because i thought they were my friends. when i was 15, 2 guy's who knew me as a baby encouraged me to drink with them [thunderbirds], i was well out of it. i was missing for 8 wks untill the police found me. they done a raid on the flat where i was and found me sleeping in bed.
as for us getting married, it is something i have always believed in. his reply to me has always been 'there's nothing to say it couldn't happen, but i done it when i was younger'.
2007-01-05 12:34:43 · update #2
he calls himself the taxi driver and the police man, when it suits him i am a single mother, you know he has to deal with MY kids not his.
he just phoned me and told me to watch 'women in love' on film 4 +1.
2007-01-05 12:43:38 · update #3
He will either come around to your way of thinking or he won't. You are BETTER OFF either way. Congratulations.
2007-01-05 11:28:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
That's tough and I do know what you're going through. You are right to tell him that you would like to get married and make it right in the sight of God. And tell him that if he truly loves and respects you that he would do it to make you happy. You have been doing it the other way, but now it's time to do it God's way. Not just for your sake but for your children's sake also to give them a more secure upbringing knowing that their parents are truly committed to their love in marriage. Also the kids grow up respecting you for not being hypocritical. You and your husband are your children's examples in life.
Even if he doesn't accept the Lord, it's okay to marry him. And since he is surrounded by bible believing and praying people I am sure that your prayers will be answered. If he walks away from marriage stand firm in what the Lord is calling you to do. What is impossible with man is possible with God. Pray hard and believe that God can change your man's heart.
2007-01-05 19:48:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I would normally say leave if he is not willing to get married; but you guys have kids together. He is old and needs to settle down. If you both love each other, tell him to set the date and after that he can get what he wants. If his family is so close to the Lord then he shouldn't have to much of a problem adjusting. Do this and both God and your husband will be pleased.
2007-01-05 19:33:49 · answer #3 · answered by kinkyafro22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many times, choosing God and the path that He has for us changes us enough that the 'old' goes away.... friends or lovers included. sometimes God opens the door for them to find Him as well... but they have to make that choice. no matter what, you have done a wonderful thing and are moving towards what is right for you and for your kids too. Being a Godly mother is the best gift you can give those kids! Praying that the father sees Christ thru you and chooses that way as well!
2007-01-05 19:33:54 · answer #4 · answered by livinintheword † 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children are going to have a new-found sense of admiration for you when they realize what is happening - but also they will learn how to respect and value themselves. This is a HUGE decision you made for them, and you are being courageous and noble.
You have to tell your boyfriend that God loves him and will forgive him for EVERYTHING - even getting a 15 year old at 47 (did I get that right?), and even the secret sins he has hidden away. God will wipe away the sins and allow him to start again. He needs to hear this, because he doesn't know it.
2007-01-05 19:40:30 · answer #5 · answered by sdmike 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a couple of non-christian girlfriends, one of them thought the idea of not having pre-marital sex was strange, but she respected it. Of course it's a little eaiser for women to do without. All I can say is you are doing the right thing, I wouldn't worry about his claims that you're "punishing" him, he'll probably say anything he thinks will get you back in bed with him. Hang in there and keep praying for him. Who knows what God will do.
2007-01-05 19:30:13 · answer #6 · answered by Rossonero NorCal SFECU 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
because of your "new found belief system" things have changed drastically in the intimacy area of your relationship. is it that you feel that you should abstain until you are married, in which case, ask him how he feels about this...personally, I can not blame him one little bit for disliking your 100% turn around. If you truly believe that this is sinful and you want no part of pre-marital sex, even though this man has been used to it for years...ask him to marry you.....if he is not interested....let him go....he should not have to live his life without physical intimacy.... he just may not believe the way that you do...and above all, please remember..you are the one that changed the rules and left him "hanging."
2007-01-05 19:40:31 · answer #7 · answered by amber 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is tough. The best answer for him would be: he should learn to respect your beliefs.
If you want to make it work, work on making him understand that you have changed, you are not an object for his pleasure, you believe that relationships are more sentimental than sexual, and that you'd love for him to live with you and help you with the kids (I don't know his involvement level now).
If that's not workable, perhaps it may be wise to search for a new man and stop pussy-footing around with boys who can't grow up.
2007-01-05 19:38:55 · answer #8 · answered by ndrw3987 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NEWS FLASH:- You Are Married........ it just has not been recognised by the current leadership in your particular country. Like all the other people you read about in the old testament.
Simply have a party and talk about it if you must.
Expect that a divorce may now be on the horizon
2007-01-05 19:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
as far as I'm concerned what happens between one man and one women is between them and God,not a piece of paper (ie a certificate of marraige for the legal system) as often with many new christians they tend to go overboard,he has given you his life.The bible teaches that if a believer is yoked to an unbeliever that it is ok,but let me get this right you were 17 when you had your 9yr old ,16 when you got pregnant
2007-01-05 19:37:57 · answer #10 · answered by vincent c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you get married to him since he is the father of your children and get marriage counsling. My husband is 13 years older then me and Age don't matter.
2007-01-05 19:37:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋