Right now, I just turned 21 years old, and my boyfriend is 21 as well. We have been together for 10 months, and already know that we will marry eachother sometime in the future. I am currently a junior in college, and will have to go to graduate school in 2 years, for an additional two years. (This is a little confusing, but to sum it up, I wont be done with school for another 4 years). Most people tell me that I should wait TO GET ENGAGED until I am completly done with school, but I dont think I can wait until I am 25!! Should we plan on getting engaged in 2 years? 3? aaaah. I need some EXPERT advice from people who really want to help a girl out.
By the way, I am talking about getting engaged to be married, not actually getting married. I figure once I get engaged, a year and a half later will be the wedding.
So should I get engaged after a graduate with a bachelors?
I need some really good advice.
2007-01-05 10:45:24 · 13 answers · asked by answergrl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I wouldn't rush into and I would recommend you take a marriage course. You could take one through the church or if there is one that is offered outside the church?
http://www.smartmarriages.com/
http://marriage.about.com/od/onlinecourses/OnLine_Marriage_Courses.htm
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi9000_courses.html
Either way you should really be sure that you want to spend your life together. Saying that you want to do that now things can change in both of you as you get older because people do change.
The last thing you want to do is get married in your early 20s and then get divorced down the line. Not that I want to sound pessimistic about that. It can happen if you are really not prepared and if you don't really take the time to find that out before you tie the knot.
Twenty five years old is not a bad age mainly because by then you are more prone to getting more settled into your career and also you have matured more.
I would finish your schooling first and as you both have time go through a marriage course to see how much you are really meant to be together. I think that will help both of you. Check out the sites and on the third one listed gives very good advice.
Take the time to check them out and read them. I really wish you all the best and I would hope that you both build a long lasting marriage.
2007-01-05 11:10:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been engaged twice- the first time I dated him for 7 1/2 years. We were engaged for 6 months and that was long enough to realize we didn't want to be together forever (although we had been together so long) The second time, we dated for a year, got engaged and got married 3 months later and have been together ever since. Don't know how old you are but if you are under 25 give him time. Men don't mature as quick as women and also there is no rush. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with him what is a piece of paper? Another thing is he may be holding out for the perfect ring he can't afford now or getting finanical affairs in order he can take care of you.
2016-05-23 07:12:07 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least finish with bachelor's degree. Wait another year before even considering an engagment. This gives you guys more time to get to know one another. If you guys still have similiar goals and want to be together, then set the wedding date(during senior year). A least a year for engagment to plan the wedding and work out any details. By this time, you'll graduate with bachelor's degree. You might could marry the summer before you start graduate school. It will be more challenging to go to school while married, especially if you move a lot. Talk with your boyfriend and discuss what is important to one another. Talk to someone who knows you best (a sister, a friend, mom,etc)...You need to feel comfortable with your decision. Don't allow yourself to be pushed or rushed into anything. It is your life. Do what you want, and what makes you happy.
2007-01-05 11:52:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no set time when you have to get engaged. It happens when it happens, but everyone is right, it's better to wait until you're done with schooling, things happen and if you're married and you both lose jobs or have a baby or something else where you can't go, it makes it so hard to go when you cannot afford it. Think if you'll regret it if you are not able to finish college. There's nothing with being 25 when you get married, you need to have a career to fall back on if your hubby loses his and is not able to work. Take it from me, I didn't complete college and I regret it all the time, don't get me wrong I love my hubby and two kids, but I'm in a job not a career, think about that..do you just want a job or do you want a career. If you love each other now then you'll love each other once schooling is done, use this time to save up for a wedding.
2007-01-05 10:54:30 · answer #4 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello! I'm 21 also so I kindof know where you're coming from. I know that it might not seem like it now but it really is a good idea to wait until you finish school to get married. As to where you get engaged that totally depends on the two of you. Do you really want to plan a wedding and go to school? (Let me tell you how stressful and not fun that is) Is he still in school? When will he be done? When will you start working full-time? These are just a few things to think about before deciding on a time frame.
2007-01-07 16:56:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to be together at least a year before you think of getting engaged; you need that time to get to know each other well, for you to spend time with your families, go through the holidays, etc. If you think you are ready, get married within a year after that.
Here's the "however" - at 21, you don't have much life experience under your belt. It really is better to be done with your post-secondary education, go out into the working world, live on your own, pay rent and bills - and mature from the experiences you are having in the real world. That is all going to make YOU a better person. At 21, your brain is not even mature yet!
Talk to your mom - moms give the best advice!
2007-01-05 23:25:09 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a woman who married while in college, let me give you a bit of advice.
First of all, I would recommend dating for at least a year before getting engaged. You're almost there -- good job!
Secondly, I don't believe that a couple should be engaged for longer than they have been together. If you've only been together for one year and you already know that you want to be married, why wait twice or three times as long as that just being engaged? A wedding doesn't take that long to plan -- I'd recommend about six months to a year for planning.
As far as your particular situation goes, if I were you, I would wait until after you graduate, since you plan on going on to grad school afterwards. Right now, focus on your studies, stay in the dorms in order to save up money, and that way, if you get married before going to grad school, you and your fiance will only have to move once.
Good luck!
2007-01-05 10:52:18 · answer #7 · answered by wnk 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all no one can truly tell you when to get engaged. My fiance and I became engaged after 2 months... we are very happy.. yes we are much older than you but still the point is the same. You have to trust your heart... There is nothing wrong with becoming engaged and waiting a few years to be married. Engagement is a commitment and if you feel like you want to commit your life to this man and he feels the same way then go for it. I would suggest you wait a little while before marriage... only because of your age... you will grow and you need to time to mature.
I will say.. be prepared to defend your decisions.. people always think they know what is best for you.. simply say.. yes we respect your opinion but we are in love, this is right for us and we will be getting married in the future. Let me know if you would like to attend.
2007-01-05 11:03:16 · answer #8 · answered by LOLA 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know how you feel! I met my fiance when we were both 19 and had college to get through. I knew I had to get my masters, and it did seem like an eternity! I am 25, and got engaged after I turned 25! Our engagement will be 2 1/2 years so we can save. I think that if he has the money without going into debt, then it's ok to be engaged while you are in school. But I don't think it's a good idea to go further into debt while you are in school for the ring. I hope that helps :)
2007-01-05 11:45:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
There is no "should" in this sort of situation. You and he need to decide together. Maturity levels of couples at age 21 (or age at whenever they finish undergrad) vary widely. For some people it would be appropriate to get engaged at that time, and for others it woudl be a terrible idea.
Make a judement call based on your maturity level together, finances, goals, and other factors.
2007-01-06 00:40:43 · answer #10 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋