How to deal with my step son?

Question

My step son is 16 and keeps smoking grass and pot.....

We have chatted to him and threatened him with him loosing his job (he works for us), we told him to lay off it and don't ever bring it into our house, we have 3 other children all younger, our 6 year picked up his grinder thingy after it fell out of his pocket covered in grass.....

Well just been in his room to collect plates etc and he has been at it again?

What can we do? He is my partners ex wife's from her first marriage and we let him stay with us because his father has never met him and his mum didnt want him.....we are all he has

We have tried to be good parents

I am willing to say to him I can't control what you do outside this house but I can here etc.......But my partner won't say that to him because he has said its like giving him the go ahead to smoke drugs etc.......He also says that he is paying for his drugs by employing him so why bother helping him etc

Answer 1

explain that it is wrong for him to do it in the house because there are children around.

Explain also, that you don't like it and you should have the choice not to have it around the house just as he has the choice to smoke it if he's not at home.

I don't think any heavy measures will work, I smoked pot for many years and then stopped and became a bit more grown up.
Tell him he cant come to work stoned, that's the way it is everywhere and that you'd be breaking the law if someone found out.

then tell him if he persists for the sake of the business and the family you'll have to fire him.

Lay it on heavy about the brothers and sisters as he will have all the love but none of the confrontation with them.
They need protecting.

I'd go down the, please don't do it at all for all these reasons, but if you have to, don't do it in the house.

Above all, talk to him, take him out, spend time with him, do more grown up things with him and give him a say in other matters of the house.
If he feels he belongs more he might be more receptive to how a family works.

I nkow you probably do a great job, but it must be very isolating for him, he probably is acutely aware that you are the family and he isn't related to anyone

Answer 2

For a long time, my now oldest son smoked pot, I told him he was going to have a hard time finding a job etc, and he did, but then he quit on his own because he realized he could not get a job on Pot ( drug testing) well at 16 for your son, I would say ..let him grow out of it, but I know how you feel it bothers you can't blame you really..so this is what you do, make him pay you rent , he works why not, tell him 75 or 50 a month, tell him if he does not do that, you will not let him work for you. then when he can't meet that because he needs money to buy pot fire him from his job and tell him to go look for another one..he'll see, and when he comes back to work for you, tell him you drug test now ( 14.00 test at a store) and tell him, he can't work if he's not clean..he's got 30 days but give it 35 to be safe..try that ( ONE MORE THING) you can't tell a 16 year old nothing remember this , he thinks he knows more than you and you have not ever done anything he has ever done..you can talk till your blue in the face..thats why you got to actualyl do something not tell

Answer 3

Ok, all of this had hit me at alot younger age. Im only 21 and at about 12 is when i experimented. I hung out with an older crowd and it came up. Really the best thing that you can do is let him know how you feel about it. Tell him that if he is going to choose to do it, be more discreet about it, put work first and party later. Threatening him and downing him wont get him off any quicker. Its something he will either grow out of , or he will just continue to do it. If the kid has a good head on his shoulders he will get off the pipe. Try not to push him away, its all about supporting the child, (not the habit) and show him that your not trying to take him fun away just trying to make a better life for himself.

Answer 4

hi angel
i too had this problem with my son at that age, he's 22 now and has a grea job, he is active, he is positive, but back then he was hanging around with a bunch of people who also smoked the weed, he didn't used to before he met them, so in your step sons case it could have something to do with peers pressure, the in crowd thing, being part of the gang....tell him under no circumstnces does he smoke it in your home, and if he wants to keep his job that he's to stop now....if you find any more in his room throw it in the bin or flush it, you are right, you cannot stop him doing this outside the home, but you can stop him inside the home, this is not good for a lad of his age, it makes them lazy, it makes them unhealthy, it costs money, and he will gain weight, i too smoked the weed and it didn't do me any good at all, it just made me lazy and i used to light up first thing in the morning and stay horizontal for the rest of the day with no intentions of doing anything at all, i didn't care either... it just made me lethargic but i did it coz my mates did it....give him an ultimatum, tell him that if you catch him again then he's to leave home, this sounds mean but it may work.....failing that, you will just have to put up with it, but do not allow him to smoke it at home....this may affect his job in the long run, so tell him that if he wants to keep that job then he's to knock this habit in the head now and get his act together, his mates do it so he does it too...he's with the wrong crowd hun, keep a close eye on him because they may be doing more than just weed, watch for any changes and if you detect that he's been smoking, then take it off him and flush it down the toilet, say what you mean and mean what you say, don't have him doing his while you have youngsters around...this does not mean your doing something wrong either, you are trying your best, but you do know that when he's not at home, he's doing it elsewhere....tell him you will call the police the next time you find any in his room...this will make him think...i wish you could do more but theres not alot you can do....sorry i cant help further....good luck

Answer 5

I feel for you. You don't mentionif there are any other problems - like violence or out of control behaviour. I don't do drugs, never have. My son dabbled with coke and that was hideous. You do not want to go down that route and of course, cannabis is the first step ont he road.
I think you need professional help - try contacting one of the drug charities and speak to them. They might be able to advise you professionally.
Many people have a lacksadaisical attitude to dope and I do think you shouldn't stress too much over it. You don't want to encourage it and you don't want your son to go on to anything harder.
I say your son, because you obviously care about him. Please don't throw him out just because of this, but see what help you can get. Get him to clean his own plates, too!

Answer 6

In the real world he would be fired. Do it!! Take away his cash so he can't buy drugs. Also, it is illegal to smoke pot and will do damage to his brain and others around him. Maybe go to the police and have him put in juvenile hall? Get him help to help him with his addiction? Put him in a drug rehab program?

Answer 7

wow you are a saint keeping him on. its really hard at that age cos they think they know everything and your old fashioned. my daughter is 15 and went through a bad patch with some unruly so called friends. thankfully she seen sense and changed her ways and friends. and is a beautiful girl once more. all i can say is always be there for him, understand him, get to know his friends, try to come up with rules together and just give him a little longer and hopfully he will see sense too good luck you need it xx just had an idea, is there anyone he listens to? someone he admires, could they have words with him ?

Answer 8

You are doing a fantastic job but now it is time to get tough for the sake of the other children and his health.Fire him from workbecause you have given him heaps of chances.If that does not work then get counseling yourselves to see what else you can do to improve the situatioin.

Answer 9

Maybe have a nice heart to heart chat with him. Tell him that he will die from smoking and if he doesn't it will damage his lungs. Maybe rehab would be good for him. If I were you I would talk to his school guidance councilor to get some additional advice.
Good Luck!

Answer 10

he really needs to start making some really big changes ,ur he is going to end up a very lonly sad boy, try to explain that you are the only family he has. and if it still goes on stop him from being treated like a adult in your home and tell him your rules and make sure he understands that he is under your roof good luck,****