Am I wrong? Or is my husband?

Question

I have 2 boys ages 9 and 12. My husband brought home a Snap-On calendar that has women leaning against cars. They are not naked or even in bikinis. They have skin tight clothes on though. My problem is my husband wants to put the calendar in the boy's room. I don't want him too. He says I am to much of a stickler about it, but I just want my boys to grow up respecting women. Am I wrong or is he?

Answer 1

I'm not one to say who is right & who is wrong, but in what way do you think your children will not respect women? I personally think it's just cliche to say that will be the outcome of having the calendar. Really, is there any risk that because of that calendar, they will disrespect women?

I've had such calendar's in my room at that age, and I am very respectful toward women (except for any who try to wake me up -- that's just like taking a bowl of food from a dog). I don't view women as sex objects, I am loyal to my wife -- the only woman I've ever been with, and I don't make crude sexual comments to women. What is the damage?

Disrespect is learned through observation, not derived from images in a calendar.

I do agree with Maurie, though.

Answer 2

I think you should ask your sons if they want it in their room. If they do, ask them why. If it's because they like the cars, take them shopping to buy a calendar or two with only cars in it. Your 12 year old is likely to dodge the question, so this would be a great opportunity to explain that you feel that women being portrayed this way is offensive to you because you feel it promotes disrespect of women. Hopefully this will open up a good conversation about respect, and perhaps even about pornography. While you are thinking about it, go look for your copy of Cosmopolitan or Vogue etc and think about if maybe you shouldn't buy those magazines if you want to model respect for women. Some of the ads in those mags are worse than some of the more tastefully done "pornography" like Playboy or Perfect 10. No matter whether the calendar ultimately goes up - what a great opeing for a discussion with your boys. Also, it might be time to talk to your husband about respect and women. Be open minded to hearing what he has to say. Good luck!

Answer 3

If your sons are going to respect women, they will do this on their own. I have a very high respect for all women and I am the son of a retired Sailor (Navy) who are well known for their womenizing ways. I must also say that I learned to have respect for women from my Mother and grandmother. This is not a question of who is right and wrong, But I think that the two of you should work this out together. When the boys are older, say 16 to 18, then let them choose the calender they want as long as it is in good taste while they are at home with you.

Answer 4

I have a idea about this one. As long as there is something else in the picture and not just women then I say it is ok. Sorry I will get thumbs down for my opinion but if you teach boys right then even a calendar picture isn't going to change their mind. I have a son (4) and when he is older he can look at women like that. It doesn't hurt anything. My hubby had those too and he treats me like gold. But it is perhaps a good time for you and your hubby to decide these things before the boys get much bigger. Good luck

Answer 5

I don't think that calendar is appropriate or is sending the right message to your son, but also, there are probably other calendars he would want more. I would let him pick out a calendar that suits his interests. You don't say which boy is going to get the calendar (unless by the "boy's room" you meant the "boys' room" plural) but even a 12 year old is probably not very interested in girls yet.

Answer 6

I'm amazed at the responses. Do you really think that a picture is going to effect their level of respect for women? Those ideas have already been put into their heads by 9 and 12. The've watched how you husband treats you and that's the strongest influence they will have.

Answer 7

Hi. I have a nine year old boy, and I would never allow such a thing, either would his father. Your boys are too young for this sort of thing. You are most definitely right.
Hopefully these boys are not going to think that a beautiful/hot woman is thin and wearing tight clothing.
Boys and girls need to learn and understand that beauty is inside the heart and mind.
*Befor I married, I had boyfriends who used me as a trophy. They would brag about how "hot" I was to their friends. How degrading. I felt like I had no self identity, like I had no name other than "the hot one"
I hated it. I still do. My boys will tell you that a brain is more important than a body.

Good Luck :o) Protect your boys from becoming trophy seekers.

Answer 8

I think you can have a compromise and put the calender up, and being the good parent you sound like, explain to your sons.I understand how you feel but(of course I am a man)I do not think it is such a big deal.If they were in bikinis or naked then I would agree with you.If you raise your boys right and it sounds like you will,they will grow up with the proper respect for women.

Answer 9

The 9 year old is bit young still, it will screw up his thinking about what a women is, not just a sex thing with **** or pusssy.
The 12 year shouldnt even have it in his yet either, why cant you put it in the garage where its SUPPOSED to go, my guy friend has the same calander and its in the garage.
He is going to give those boys a skewed view of females. great more messed up men.

Answer 10

You are right and he is wrong. You will have to upt your foot down.

However, it indicates a bad attitude to women in general and you will have to really watch over the years that yoru boys don't pick it up in more subtle ways. I think you should get more competent advice than you will find in here. Is it possible to consider couples counselling if this is a major issue that you and he can't agree on?

Good luck.