How do you comfort a friend who's son died (a year ago) and still struggles with the "why" question. I have been there to listen, but I wish I could give her some sort of comfort. I don't think she will accept that "he is in a better place". I know that God has a plan for her life, but she does not. Anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation. Thanks.
2007-01-05 08:56:52 · 31 answers · asked by matts girl 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Thank you all for your wonderful support and answeres. I did forget to mention that she was raised in a Christian environment, but does not have a personal relationship with the Lord. I have not yet asked her about her salvation, she is quite bitter with God because of the death.
2007-01-05 16:25:25 · update #1
BE PATIENT !
Try and convince that THE GOD allowed him to go --possibly to save him from WORSE!
2007-01-05 08:59:18 · answer #1 · answered by whynotaskdon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll answer this, even though I'm not a Christian. I've never lost a family member that close to me before, but I have seen people who have. And it's not like you can say a magical word and the pain and grieving with just suddenly disappear. Healing, especially from the death of a loved one takes time, and each person will react and heal differently than others in the same situation. The only real thing your can do for her is continue to be a supportive friend. For now, that is the only comfort you can honestly offer. A parent who looses a child may not accept the "better place" talk because that child was a major part of their life, probably a great source or joy for your friend. This can also come from feeling it was unfair for a child to be taken from her. Even though my religion teaches me that death is a natural part of life, to accept that everything that lives will eventually die, I honestly don't know how long I could trust or believe in my faith or deities if I lost my fiancee or a child to death. I would probably sway out of the religion for a while, blaming different gods for the loss. Anyways, just be there to let your friend know that there are people out there who care about her. If she doesn't like the "better place" talks, then leave it be, find something else to talk about. All I can do is remind you that no single word will ever make the pain of her loss just suddenly vanish.
/|\ Blessed Be.
2007-01-05 09:12:20 · answer #2 · answered by lavos1412 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to the "why" question is one of the biggies everyone struggles with, and I doubt anyone would have an answer just one year after the loss. I know a woman who lost both of her children at different times, many years ago... she has survived and created a contented life for herself... certain times of the year are hard on her still, and always will be. Perhaps the best way to offer comfort is just to spend time with her, and listen, listen, listen. Before you speak, ask God to give you the words he wants her to hear. And send up a prayer for her every time she crosses your mind. You might offer to go to a grief support group with her.... the best help often comes from those that have been there.
2007-01-05 09:22:47 · answer #3 · answered by Ruthie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your presence with her is enough to help her. But even after a year, she is still struggling with the 'why' question. That is not good. Slowly, initiate her into the will of God and Divine Intervention thoughts. Work on her own salvation too. She has to accept the Lordship of Jesus in her life. Then only, will she be satsified. One year is enough time to get over, but satan always blocks the Christian's path. Pray for her and along with her. Involve her in Christian activities and make her forget her pre-occupation with the past and encourage her to look to a better future with Jesus.
2007-01-07 20:42:58 · answer #4 · answered by sunilbernard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always difficult in situations like these. The truth is that you'll probably never know why it happened. Reassure her that no one ever went "before their time." Read Psalm 139, it says before our lives ever start, our days are numbered. That this too was part of God's plan. He may be preparing her for someone else who will face this. If we allow it, "why" can go on forever. There are always questions as to why a child has to die. Well, why does someone in their 20s have to die? 30s? 40s? You see where I'm going with this? The mortality rate on earth is still 100%. Everyone will die because of the fall of man. The only questions that matter are Do you know Jesus and are you prepared to die?
2007-01-05 09:12:27 · answer #5 · answered by Cory G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear of this loss. When God calls someone home, no matter where they are, or what they're doing, that time on earth is finished. It seems that she's going through the phases of mourning.....but at a slower rate. None of us know the answer of why. So maybe instead of mouring his death, she should celebrate his time on earth. Celebrate life. Would he want his mom to be doing what she's doing now? Most probably not. My advice for you is to continue to stay by her side, until she full accepts this and quits trying to bargan with God. I'm sure time will heal this. Best of luck to you....and her.
2007-01-05 09:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you say will console her so all you can do is listen and be there to hold her when she cries.
I've come to believe that God does not view death on earth as a tragic thing. We do because our finite minds can not understand the glory of what is waiting on the other side. If we saw through God's eyes, we would never mourn another persons death again. We would stop asking "why" and start asking "when can I go?"
2007-01-05 09:04:51 · answer #7 · answered by Sheryl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Greetings! As I read your subject, my mind travels through the Word looking for some comfort for your friend. In the Bible there's a story about a son that died and the parent was told to remember that he can't come to you but you can go to him. When my baby brother died I had to remember him telling me that when he has touched the last person's life he is to touch, then God will be finished with him. And...his work will be done on this earth. We are vessels for God's purpose. The Bible tells us to be absent from the body is to be present with God. I will remember your friend in my prayers. God bless!
2007-01-05 09:18:15 · answer #8 · answered by bumpy 4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to be a friend and listen and comfort her. We always as the question "why" when someone dies so young, and all of a suddne. And we wonder why God did this. But it is not God that did it. Sin did that. Sin is what is wrong witht his world. God is always comforting us. What you will have to make her understand is that she will not understand the reason "why" and she won't be able to understand that she may never understand "why" until we get to Heaven. Then we will understand "why" when we see God's face.
2007-01-05 09:01:47 · answer #9 · answered by Wonderboy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're a true friend. I think you're giving her more comfort than you know, just by being there for her. If she's unsaved, which it sounds like, I can't imagine what more you could do or say to comfort her than you're doing now. Just keep praying for her and being with her, and encourage her to pray and to come to Christ, not only for support in her grief but for her own salvation. God bless you!
2007-01-05 09:27:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just continue to be there for her. There is a story that I heard once about people that would quote bible verses, try to give advice etc and one person who just sat and listened- which one do you think the one needing comfort appreciated the most- the one who listened. You did not say if she is a Christian or not either. If she isn't it would be very hard for her to understand that God has a purpose in her life. Just continue to love and pray for her.
2007-01-05 09:19:42 · answer #11 · answered by AdoreHim 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋