He had a gf before he married my sister (they just celebrated their 10 year anniversary). He has kept in touch with the ex at some point or the other, they call on each other's birthday (not regular) and he even wanted to introduce the two to each other. She is still single and my sister has no idea what her number is to track it on his cell phone.
I've had ex-s too (am married now) and beyond idle curiosity I would not want to pursue a friendship, so why would he? He works night shift and comes home to shower every morning so she cant tell if he's been upto anything. I am deeply disturbed for my sis, who whole heartedly believes its all above board.
He is a devoted father and while he and my sis have their fair share of fights he has a lot of morals and values, dont know if he is capable of this though. I was just wondering if his behaviour sounds suspcious to you? What do you feel?
2007-01-05 08:51:40 · 15 answers · asked by RealChic 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am not planning to run my sisters' marriage but I am deeply concerned. I know my bro-in-law for so many years and I am naturally concerned about what he could be doing that is so hurtful to my sis and their two lovely kids. I am just very curious to know if her fears (she confided in me) are for real or not.
2007-01-05 08:57:45 · update #1
since you seem to be aware that they have kept in touch on a haphazard basis- I'd guess it's nothing more than what it seems at first glance- two people who once dated, who have very limited, very casual contact. I believe if anything more were going on, you and your sister wouldn't even know they kept in touch on this most basic level, since he'd likely take great pains to hide her completely. I think you are reading too much into this, YOU, as the SIL. If his wife has an issue with his being in touch with this woman, even very remotely, she needs to express this to him and then, if he exhibits any reluctance or frustration, give yourself something to worry about.
2007-01-05 09:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if there was something going on, he would have distanced himself a lot from the family, does he go out at times and not come home on time? Does he disappear and then come up with some lame excuse of where he has been? I think it may just be a little weird that he keeps a good relationship with his ex, but sometimes ex's end up being better friends than partners. Just he needs to be clear that a friendship with another woman can lead to trouble and suspicions.
2007-01-05 08:56:58 · answer #2 · answered by eunicealarcon05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just keeping in touch with the ex, and nothing more. It sounds promising that he wanted to two to meet each other.
It's not odd for someone to come home and take a shower after work, especially on the night shift, and even more so if they are going straight to bed. That could be totally innocent.
My advice: keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. Try not to offend your sister, but if his actions worsen, definitely bring it to her attention. If he is a cheat, she deserves to know. And if you don't tell her now, and she finds out that he IS cheating, she'll want to know why you didn't say something, and she'll be really hurt.
As it is, he sounds innocent.
Good Luck!
2007-01-05 09:01:38 · answer #3 · answered by Allison 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry, if I were you. This is between your sister and her husband, and if she's not worried about this friendship then you shouldn't be either.
If he was cheating on her with this ex girlfriend, chances are your sister would have a gut feeling about it. Husbands and wives are good at knowing when their spouses are cheating on them.
There's probably a very good reason why he broke up with his ex, but wants to stay friends. I have very good male friends who have done the same thing.
One thing that is imperitive in situations like this, though, is that her husband maintain full transparency of this friendship. He should tell his wife what his friend's phone, and address are. He should be open and honest, and he should also be completely willing to sever this friendship, if it begins to bother his wife. His wife needs to come first. These behaviors will function in "Good Faith" that his is the moral and upstanding guy he seems to be.
2007-01-05 09:09:00 · answer #4 · answered by Your Highness 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that you need to back off and mind your own business. Your busy-bodiness could cause serious harm to your sister's relationship. It's HER marriage, not YOURS. You need to support, love, care and nurture.
I am absolutely stunned at the lack of trust in the world right now. From just the tone and nature of so many hundreds and thousands of questions I've seen asking about how people can investigate their spouses, look into their phone bills, read their emails. Have I gone completely nuts?
What happened to trust, love, compassion, partnership, listening, honesty, communication and friendship? Why are we such a paranoid and suspicious culture?
Anyway, didn't mean to sound so harsh but from the tone of your question you really sound like you are overstepping your boundaries.
FP
2007-01-05 08:58:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really can't tell if your sister's husband is cheating on her. Those that work nightshifts are going to shower when they get home. However, your sister should not allow to be introduced to his ex as it will only cause problems. This happened to me and i was friends with my husbands ex it caused problems seeing flirty messages back and forth from the two and now im not friends with her. There is no way your sister should do this.
2007-01-05 09:00:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you actually seen him in bed with someone other than your sister? If not then forget it!
You don't know the truth so you cannot really make any assesments. So leave it alone you're just going to end up with a bunch of "tin can banging monkeys" running around in your head.
2007-01-05 09:24:41 · answer #7 · answered by the old dog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married almost 3 years now and i am friends with all my ex's...i have introduced them to my husband and he is friends with most of them. I think that your sister's husband is just being a good friend...i dont think anything is going on especial if he is a man with good morals and values.
He sounds like he loves you sister with all his heart and is just trying to involve her with a friend. My husband has never complained about me being friends with any of my ex's.
2007-01-05 09:00:15 · answer #8 · answered by june 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel.... that you should stay out of your sister's marriage and concentrate on your own. Unless SHE comes to you for some advice. Don't be putting doubts in her head. Marriage is hard enough.
2007-01-05 09:01:41 · answer #9 · answered by MotherMayI? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it does sound kinda wierd but let back a little. Dont do anything so soon. Just wait
2007-01-05 08:56:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋