Fathers, Daddies, Dads, Papas, are they nice?

Question

Growing up I had a dad. I thought as a kid that a father's love for a daughter was something special, something unique, something that couldn't be compared for much else. My image of my father was shattered at 16 years of age when it came to light that my father was a pedophile -- he had been abusing all of his children in infancy (I have 6 younger siblings). Of course, I don't remember it, but it's severely damaged my idea of a father. I am skeptical of all those "Daddy's Little Girl" songs and what not... I'm not even sure anymore if fathers can really be as loving as I thought they were. This doesn't generally bother me, but I'm wondering if it will affect my family when I have one -- My relationship with my kids, and with my future husband. But anyway, what are your experiences and observations concerning fathers and daughters? Was I just mistaken to think there was a special bond? Was it some sick manifestation of supressed memories of the abuse?

Answer 1

Well, I'm sorry to hear that you had such a horrible experience with your father. My father is a Macho Alcoholic. He is still under the belief that the man is the head of the household and what he says goes and that the woman needs to be in the kitchen and popping out children. He bugs me alot now that I'm married because I have been fairly successful at work and I make more than my husband. He talks down to me like I'm not supposed to do that. My husband is very different than my father, but still, I know it hurts him. Growing up I had to go through hearing my dad tell me that I was nothing without him and that if it wasnt for him I wouldnt be where I'm at, he even called me and my sister sluts because we would ask permission to go to concerts. I has really hurt my self-esteem...BAD. But because of it he has also taught me work ethic, morals, values. I learned that I am not going to end up with someone like my father and in order to do that I need to be someone in life, I need to study hard, get an education, a good career and be able to be independent. I'm not going to sit around cooking and popping out babies while the "man" of the household is out working and let him support me the rest of my life. I'm not like that. I am my own person and I think the fact that I am like that hurts my dad. He wants us to be like women were back then when he was growing up in a little town in Mexico. Obedient, co-dependent, not worthy. I'm not like that. I'm my own woman, my own person, I'm educated, I'm responsible, I have a great work ethic, I fend for myself. I love my husband and plan to be with him the rest of my life, but if something were to ever go wrong in my marriage, I would be able to survive on my own. My dad wants me to go crawling back to him so that he can support me. To this day, he keeps asking me if my bills are up to date, if I paid my rent, If I have insurance, if their food in my house. Just because I make more than my husband he thinks my husband cannot support me. He doesnt even consider my income he just automatically thinks we're broke because my husband doesnt make as much as I do. He wants me to go running to him and tell him "Dad, you were right. You need to support me" He's very stubborn, very strict, very macho, an alcoholic, but I still think he definetely loves me like a father loves his daughter and in his own way everything he tries to do, control, or otherwise, he does because he wants to make sure I'm ok.

Answer 2

Anytime someone disappoints us it makes us question everything about ourselves but because you have the courage to look for answers you are on the right track. If you try to bury all the bad things and never bring them to the light they will eventually drag you into the darkness with them. Even with the courage to try to sort it out they will be days you will question if it is worth it, you will see it was when you understand all the bad things are what has made you so strong good luck.

Answer 3

not all fathers are like that, some are jus bad, some are good but no one is perfect. i rele dont know what else to say except you should protect ur siblings if nessecary and you will hopefull have a family after you are ready, with the right person.

Answer 4

sometimes they're nice unless you get in trouble