What can I do for her. What can I say? I have lost my Best Friend that I grew up with from Cancer as well, But, I just am not sure hwat I can do for her. Any Suggestions???
2007-01-05 06:18:11 · 4 answers · asked by SWF 1 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
My husband passed away from cancer two years ago. There is so much to go through. One common myth is the stages: Those were put together for people who were terminal and then pushed into the grief catagory. Honestly the thing that you can do is let her know you are there for her. Tell her that if she needs to talk you will listen. Don't put what you have been through out there...be silent till she ask you a question. Let her cry, scream, be silent and listen. If she starts crying...don't reach to hug her..let her get that out...when you touch someone while they are releasing...You stop the emotion and it makes them stop releasing what is inside. Sit patiently and let her know that there are people who care. Watch for her STERB....What those are are short term energy burst....make sure she doesn't replace the grief with something as alcohol, drugs, over spending ..etc...The thing that made me angry was that when people said: "Well, he isn't in pain" "Well, he is in a better place" "You will find another man in time" yes all of that might be true...however I was angry...I was angry at God, and I told people right off...Listening is the best. I had a friend buy me a massage instead of sending flowers or plant to the funeral. She said that in the weeks that follow...this was something for me and not a plant to remind me of the funeral. I took that massage and as it was going on..I release so many tears and got everything out. The woman who was doing the massage was really understanding and there are places that will specialize in that. In time is she is not getting any better or dealing with things...suggest a grief recovery program.
There are more than 40 plus losses one can experience in a life time. Among them are death, divorce, loss of a pet, loss of job, retirement, estrangement from a loved one, loss of trust, death of a relationship, moving, fire, abuse etc. Sadly, we are ill prepared to "deal" with loss. Everything we have learned about loss is intellectual. Our heads are not broken..........our heart is. There are 141 things said to grievers within the 1st 72 hours of a death. Only 19 of those statements are helpful.
Whether the loss you have experienced was recent or long ago, you can take the actions necessary to complete the pain caused by loss.
You may have heard:Let it go, move on, the past is the past; but has anyone ever told you how?????????????????That is what helped me with so much. It is a little pricey..however there are certain areas that will help with the cost. I have the website and information if you think it will help. griefrecoveryactions@yahoogroups.com
I just lost my mother a month ago and the tools I learned through this helped me with that loss too. God Speed to you both.
Be her friend...not her advisor....listen with your ears but hear with your heart....
2007-01-05 06:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by okieblue38 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lost my seven year old Son almost three weeks ago. The best phone call I had was when a friend called and said-"I"m not going to ask how you are, because I know. There's nothing I can say, so I won't." That was great. I'm still getting the "how are you" calls. I hate them because I say i'm okay, but I'm not. When someone asks "how are you" do they really want to know? Also. dont say, "He is in a better place." That may be. But to me, the best place for a loved one is here with us. That may sound selfish but, it's how most people feel. Just make yourself available always to your friend. Also, make sure to mention the person's name A LOT.
2007-01-05 17:11:26 · answer #2 · answered by jonahsmom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just let her know your there when shes ready to talk. Asked her questions about her friend and let her know you have lost a friend to cancer as well. Most people want to talk to someone who has had the same experience. Be ready to listen and just encourage her to talk about it. I t will really help. I know I lost a sister to cancer
2007-01-05 17:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by msfitz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to say anything...you should know that from your own experience. Just be there for her.
2007-01-05 14:22:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋