My guy is under tremendous pressure right now over in Iraq. During a conversation that we had he said the only thing he wants when he calls is to know that, 'I'm happy safe, in good health, & not stressed out.' (He said this because he doesn't want me to stress about what he's doing, so he won't tell me about what's going on over there when I asked him.) Well in the last week, my mom had as stroke (We won't know anything until 3-6 months) And I got into a car crash and totaled my car, I'm bit bang up but okay. I don't want to stress him out but part of me feels like he should know, he thinks of my mom as his own even calls her mom. Would he be very angry/hurt/upset if I didn't tell him this stuff until he gets home in about 8 months? I’d like to wait until then, he has enough stuff to worry about. But what do you guys think?
2007-01-05 05:03:46 · 17 answers · asked by Marie 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Tell him what's going on in your life. He surely cares about you, your family, and his family. Keep him informed of relative information, family matters, etc. Letters from home, phone calls, and any contact with family is so very important when serving overseas, or away and in combat. In light of his present duty status, I'd listen to what he has to say first. But, I'm sure he wants to know. He's entitled to know and you can best tell him. Keep him and his fellow soldiers and all the men and women serving in your thoughts and prayers. God Keep & Bless you and your family.
2007-01-05 05:16:40 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. US of A, Baby! 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him, but make sure not to dwell on it. It stresses my husband out to get bad news when he is deployed as well, but some things he needs to know. My husband's last deployment his grandfather was in the hospital and we were really worried about him. It would have been less stress on my husband not to worry about it, but can you imagine how angry he would've been if he got a Red Cross message that he was dead without me even telling him he was sick? We had several bad things happen during the last deployment, and I told him each and every one as soon as he called.
I know he worries about you and he will be very frustrated that there's nothing he can do to help, but it will be best in the long run to tell him. He needs to still be able to be a part of your life, and this means the good and the bad. It's ok to tell him when something big happens like that, but I would try to avoid worrying him with your daily stresses. Don't complain about how much you miss him or how stressful your job is every time he calls. If he gets good news and support from you 90% of the time when he calls, then when you have to tell him something bad he will take it better.
You also said he won't be home for 8 months - so he's been gone about 4 right? In our experience (2 deployments to Iraq), after 4 or 5 months things get easier on both ends. Hopefully soon he'll get kind of used to being there, and you'll get used to him being gone (as much as possible anyway). I know it's hard for both of you, but it will all be more than worth it when he gets off that plane, I promise.
2007-01-05 07:58:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were married it would be different. He would be able to come to see your mother. But since you're just GF/BF tell him but tell him everything is looking okay. He really is under a ton of stress right now. If something should happen with his own family, contact the red cross. If he's going to be back in 8 months and you won't know anything for 3-6 months, tell him that.
2007-01-05 05:13:34 · answer #3 · answered by mustangsally76 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him mom has had a stroke, but she is recovering. Tell him you crashed the car, but you are ok. The guys over there (my son has done 2 tours) want to know what is going on at home, good or bad. Just don't give him the impression that he needs to do anything or worry about anything. The best thing you can do for him is to let him know that things are being handled at home and he doesn't need to worry.
Believe me, when the shooting starts, he is thinking about his own skin, his buddies, and his mission. Your car and your mom are way down the list at this time.
My prayers, if you will accept them, are with you and him.
2007-01-05 05:13:26 · answer #4 · answered by John H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very important that the two of you continue to talk about the things that you normally do. This is a time when long letters and emails can draw the two of you closer. You cant protect him from normal life while he is over there but you can ease the blow of how you say things. (I think the worse thing a women can do is break up with their guys while they are serving in Iraq. It can wait until they have thier feet back on American soil.) Ask him straight out if he wants to hear the good with the bad. I know how difficut this is for you. My husbands grandmother died while he was serving in Iraq. It was hard to tell him, but they are the strongest of the strong and most have a great support system there. You will have to use your own judgement. You also need support so you might want to check out some support groups for women in your situation. Dont forget your feelings, talk about them. God speed to you and yours!
2007-01-05 05:25:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I completly understand where you are and I am so sorry. My husband was there for a year and I was always conflicted about whether I should tell him things I mean he is my best friend and I tell him everything. If it were me I would tell him just tell him not to worry. I know that everyone is different My husband was the same way he would not tell me anything that was going on out there because he did not want me to stress but those are big things and things I would want to tell him. Good luck to you and God Bless!
2007-01-05 05:14:46 · answer #6 · answered by peeps 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is all in how you word it. For example: "We've been blessed that mom has come out okay from a recent stroke" The doctors are very positive on her condition" or "I totalled the car, but I'm okay. Doesn't take much to total a car nowadays with the costs of repair".
2007-01-05 05:19:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what i would want to happen ( i was stationed in the Middle East for a year) You can not wait for him to get home to spring it on him, because his emotions will be so high up there with excitment to see you and his family. You need to phrase it though in a way that does not make him flip out.
i would tell him that you are doing fine now but you totalled your care (if he cares for you he will be more worried about your safety then the cars well being) and as for your Mom tell him that your mom had a stroke and everything appears fine but you are waiting on test results....Be straight forward becasue he ay get more upset if you wait to tell him, he could think you do not trust him enough to share such information....
2007-01-05 05:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by Shawna 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Speaking as a veteran, I would want to know about the stroke because of how close I am to the family. The car is only property and your well being is more important I should know that you are OK.
When I was deployed while in the Army I checked in on my family regardless of how far away I was, I wanted to know how my family was even if it was the smallest detail.
Your friend is an adult and chose to join th emilitary and should be able to handle the news and if he is having trouble handling it he does have access to counselors.
Good luck in deciding what to do in your situation.
2007-01-05 05:18:56 · answer #9 · answered by Lance D 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell him, he's a big boy! What you decribed is similiar to what happened to me and my son. He came back from two tours in Iraq last year, and I had a few accidents and a family death while he was over there and I told him. He was appreciative of it and it add some Normality to what he was doing. Tell him!
2007-01-05 05:08:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋